♪ I just do what I do So you do you ♪
♪ And I never fall off! ♪
Dad, a little help with this karaoke machine.
I'm helping by testing it out.
♪ I just do what I do So you do you ♪
♪ 'Sup, dog, I'm a boss! ♪
I'd love it if you helped by lifting.
[doorbell rings]
I'll get it.
Take chapstick!
And backup chapstick!
And my wallet!
And this phone!
[phone ringing]
[grunting]
They love your ringtone.
It's Paramore, honey. How could they not?
[phone stops ringing]
[growling]
- Call me so it rings again! - Okay, okay.
[phone ringing]
[grunting]
Guess whose daddy got a hole-in-four today?
I'll give you a hint, it's...
Eww...!
Oh!
- Oh! - Do I look that bad?
Uh... No. No.
I just need to... check the sink.
[retching]
How did dad do at the dentist? Did they get his wisdom teeth?
Yes, and now he's all medicated.
[mumbling] Is that...
Is that your mother?
No, it's not Mom.
I'm a project manager!
Look, Piper, um, I'm actually on the way
to see Boo Man Group, so I can't really talk...
Dad swallowed my house key.
[hiccups]
What? Dad did what?
Uh, what'd your silly dad do now?
He's all confused and he was fiddling with my key chain,
and when I wasn't looking, he swallowed my house key.
Oh, my God.
What are you doing?
I'm rubbing sticky tree sap on my exposed skin.
If you don't have bug spray, it's a great alternative.
Yeah, there's no way that's true.
Piper, I know a lot about nature.
My parents used to leave me
in the woods for a month every summer.
See this moss?
What about it?
Reticulated everbrown moss.
Very safe to eat.
The locals call it "nature's salad".
Yeah, this says that everbrown moss is brown.
That was green.
Ah... Green moss, brown moss...
It's all nature, baby.
My phone says that's North American mold moss
and it's highly toxic.
[spits]
Yeah, it tastes really bad.
KLVY news alert!
Bigfoot is in a trap right near us.
Uh... I feel weird...
[groaning]
Stop eating poisonous moss!
I...
[club music playing]
No... way.
Hey!
Dad!
- Hey, Mr. Hart. - Hi, Henry's dad.
Welcome back!
I've never been proud of you...
until right now.
Aww!
Later, pops.
I've got a war to fight.
In the future, against robots that look like children.
You won't believe me if I told you.
[screaming]
[wheezing]
My boss.
He was in the ceiling!
Hey.
Where's your wife?
Yeah, where is Mom?
I know, right?
Hey, Henry.
Piper, wanna come out back and...
Uh, like 50?
Oh, sorry. Still on the phone.
Hey, Henry, you wanna come skate with me?
In the backyard?
I can't believe you actually made
a roller skating rink in the backyard.
You better believe it, homeskillet!
Now I just gotta learn how to dance on skates
and my midlife crisis will be over.
That makes me uncomfortable
so I'm going to change the subject.
Please, do.
Uh, so, uh... How did you deal with Mom's mood swings
when she was pregnant?
Hmm... As you know,
that was back when I was a navy seal,
so I wasn't around much, which was tough on your mom,
but when I wasn't overseas...
Oh, hold up, hold up, hold up.
♪ Pish-posh ♪
♪ If you want To change your mood ♪
♪ Just listen to this dude ♪
♪ As I recall my bygone Theater student days ♪
[both] Oh, God.
♪ During my time at Julliard I learned things every day ♪
Honey, it was one online class.
♪ Well, be that as it may... ♪
♪ On that online schoolyard We'd sing and dance and play ♪
♪ And I'll always remember The thing my professor ♪
♪ Would look at us and say ♪
♪ It doesn't matter if you Can sing or if you can't ♪
♪ To make us half smile To sing for a while ♪
♪ About the things you want ♪
- Why did you marry him? - Right now I don't remember.
Dad, I just want to sadly eat my lunch.
I know, but I got it.
Try my little exercise.
Singing about the things that you want
and then Daddy will go out and buy them for you
as a little present.
Oh, hello.
You here for a tan?
No.
Are you running an illegal tanning salon here?
No. Oh, no.
Well, you just offered me a tan.
And you're holding a spray tan gun.
And your house is full of people with fake tans.
What do you mean?
I mean it's illegal to run a tanning salon
without a license.
Am I under arrest?
- Yup. - All right.
You know, today's my wedding anniversary.
Happy anniversary.
You, uh...
You...
You could have taken a shower before dinner.
You know I don't like to shower when I'm upset.
Well, at least we all get to stay in Swellview.
[chuckles awkwardly]
[snickering]
Are...
Are you laughing?
- No, I'm not. - Henry, you shouldn't.
Sorry.
[snickering]
[laughing]
What is going on?!
[laughing]