[Intro music plays]
Hey guys, it's me Chasey Poo, and today
I'm wearing this hat... Ok, my hair is just a mess and I'm talking about sexuality and stuff
And I just wanna look good for you, okay? I just wanna look good for you
[Chuckles]
Alright, how's it going today today?
Today we are talking about how to accept your sexuality
So, mini story time in the beginning of my life and my experience with my sexuality
Accepting myself was so hard because I
realized that I liked girls when I was 12 so this is 2003, ok?
And there was like no representation, there was nothing
And I didn't know anyone who was gay
I did not know that it was okay for girls to like girls, and I didn't know that...
I...
Could be happy and accepted being who I am
So, I'm gonna say "luckily we are now in 2018 and a lot of parents and people and friends and people
and there's representation and stuff like that, it's easier to come out and accept yourself"
All of this in quotations because not everyone's experience is the same but
from what I have seen there are a lot of people who are able to come out and have a lot easier time right now
Which is really great because I literally did not know that we could be different, and that would be okay
I thought that if you're different, that's bad
So I'm really glad that we live in a world now where there's so much representation
Even if your friends and your family and your school don't accept it
At least you know that there are people like that that exist...
I guess?
I guess that's what I'm trying to say because it's not easier, but
you know that people exist
So, for me
I didn't know those people existed
I didn't know that those feelings were okay to have, so
It was really really hard for me to accept myself
And I remember when I was in grade seven I told one of my friends, "I think I'm bisexual"
And she was okay with it, she was like "Oh, my brother's gay. That's fine". I was like, "Oh my god!"
But then my other friend was like, "That's disgusting"
and she walked away from me
So if that doesn't put you back in the closet
I don't know what does, but that did. Surely it did.
Here's the thing, I knew that liked girls... and I did not know if I liked boys, and I feel like I...
I...
Back then I feel like you had to cling to a label and I feel like that's the same today
and I'm gonna explain why I think that
So when I finally was able to accept myself as a
Uhm... Like a... like a lesbian. A woman who loves --
Oh my god. That's just weird to say because I'm
no longer this, but
when I've accepted my lesbian identity, it felt very
good
But I was still very shy about it, and didn't want to tell people about it
So I guess what really helped me honestly, and I know that you're gonna laugh
But it's literally The L Word
Because I came out around the time that The L Word was
I think it was like season 2 of The L Word
And that reeeeeally really really really helped me
Honestly, because I saw someone who liked girls on TV, and I was like "I'm a person who likes girls
and I'm not on TV, but I -- that's me"
But then, huntys, that's not even the end of this saga
Sega? Saga... Sega's the game, saga is the Twilight saga
[Laughter]
Uhm, I...
When I came out as trans I was like
"I still like women so I guess I don't know how to identify myself, I'm a lesbian"
But here's the thing, okay?
I -- I feel like I have
repressed so much of who I was because I wasn't happy with how I was presenting and
I wasn't out as trans and people did not see me as male
that I felt like I was repressing so much that when I came out
and I was finally able to be seen as who I am inside and I felt so comfortable with my body
I was able to say, "Yeah, you know what? I actually also like men"
So I like men and I like women and I also like people who are in between
and people who have no gender, also --
It liiiiiiiterally doesn't matter to me because people are people
So for me, it was a very interesting thought to have
But I want to go back to like accepting your identity
So there's this thing wh-- it still happens. I'm like, "Come on, man. We're 2018
can we just figure this out?"
So I feel like once you identify as a lesbian and...
You can never go back... Like you can't be like, "Oh, I actually like men"
Because if you do do that, people are like, "Oh you're bisexual, you're pansexual"
I feel like there are a lot of people in the lesbian community that like
squint at you like, "Oh you went back to men"
And it's so weird
Even your family and friends, it's like, "Well, you made this hooge thing of-- hooge
You made this huge thing about being a lesbian and now you're -- you're not a lesbian anymore"
"And you don't like women anymore, and you made us change all of these things about us"
And it's just
like a -- like a weird place that we're in and I feel like that was a big thing when I was younger
And it's still a thing now like
Oh my god like, that was like 15 years ago
Jesus
Oh my god, I'm old! [Sigh]
Oh my god, L Word is like 15 years old?
Jesus Christ
So the reason why I felt like it was important to mention that is because
when I came out my dad and my stepmom assumed that I still
only wanted to be with women and I wanted to be with lesbian women
and that was really confusing when I told them that the person that I'm dating
is like a straight girl or something like that
Like they -- they were like, "I don't understand"
Like they couldn't wrap their mind around how a straight woman could be with me
So that was a really weird place to be in honestly
Or like two years ago when I was seeing a guy
And I like, told them that I was seeing a guy
They kind of like squinted, and they were like really confused
And they were like, "He's gay"
And I was like, "Yes he's gay"
And I guess they were like, "But how can a gay man be with you?"
And it was just like, it's -- it's weird because
It's like they expect you to like women forever
And it's like, well now that I'm comfortable
I can actually express who I am and I'm actually more comfortable being with whoever
And whenever and... [Chuckles] and whenever
basically the moral of the story is
To accept your own sexuality
[Between teeth] Fuck everyone
I'm kidding, but for real you need to not cling on to labels, I feel
Some people love labels. Some people need labels, absolutely
But if those labels that you are clinging on to are hurting you and hurting the people around you
That's not a good thing
Like if you're like, "No, no, no I'm going to identify as a gay man
And you are clinging on to that identity because that's how you feel inside and that's how you are
But then you're like "Oh, I kinda have feelings for women, I don't know what to do"
But you're like, "No, no, no but I'm a gay man. I can't have feelings for women"
Then that's very harmful to you because you're not expressing the
Like, the feelings that you're having inside and you're allowed to express
And go outside of this label that you or other people have attached to you
And for such a long time I didn't think I was able to do that
And I was literally like in the sha--
Like, literally in the shadows like I was like
"Oh, I've told everybody that I like women so I can only be with women", but I was like
"But I really want to experiment and like see what it's like to be with men"
So I was like, [typing noises] on Craigslist
Don't do that
And Craigslist and like meeting people and like on Grindr and stuff, not really telling anyone
Until eventually I was like "I can't keep this a secret. I'm having a lot of fun. I'm like enjoying my body
I'm enjoying the people that I'm with, even if it's men even if it's women
If it's non-binary, it doesn't matter
But if you know if it's non-binary, non-binary people
It doesn't matter and it feels great and empowering to be able to use my body
And...
express my sexuality in different ways where it doesn't matter who I'm with
So I wanted to get out of this shadow
Literally though, I was in the shadow like it feels like I was like
Because it was all that night, and it was secret and no one knew
It was like "Oh what'd you do today?" Oh nothing. I'm busy. Oh what am I doing?"
But now I want to tell you about a little little sexual crisis
Sexuality crisis that I had
Uhm, that... that was really interesting because I'm
You hear me, I'm this like super open person, it doesn't matter
but I think because I'm so used to being seen as queer and
I've been used to be seen as queer and being with men and stuff like that
And like everyone assumes that I'm gay
Which I don't really care like whatever, even though I like women
I feel like
to be...
attracted to women is a beautiful thing and to be attracted to anyone is a beautiful thing
But I feel like because I'm so used to be seen as queer that if I was with a woman
I would feel slightly uncomfortable in the beginning only because I am so queer and I want to remain queer
But
This was a crisis I had a couple of months ago, okay?
I will tell you now that I realize that it does not matter who I'm with
Whose hand I am holding because I will be queer no matter what, all right?
I don't care what other people think, I don't care what
--People still assume I'm gay
They'll look at the person and be like, "You know your boyfriend's gay, right?"
Which is funny to me because I -- I, it's just funny
Because I'm with this person, that's who I'm with. You know what I'm saying?
I don't know if that makes any sense, but that makes a little bit of sense for me
I'm being a little vague right now, but whatever, uhm...
So yeah, so...
really just... [Chuckles]
It's like, it's non-stop for me
Sorry that's a little bit vague. I know it's a little bit complicated and confusing
But if you want me to elaborate I guess ask me in the comments, and I'll talk about it a little bit
But I feel like even though I'm this super open person
I still had a problem with looking straight because I've been looking queer for such a long time
So that's really interesting to me, but like I said, I don't really care anymore
I've like gone to a place where I don't really care and also
Uhm... Why do I care what other people think about me?
You know what really matters? It's how I perceive myself
So I don't know if I actually really gave you advice on how to accept your sexuality, but really just...
Just do you. You don't have to cling on to labels. You could just say that you are queer
You could just say that you are straight. You could just say that I don't know you could literally said
I literally -- said. You could said.
You could literally say, "I -- I don't know. I don't know my sexuality"
"I don't know who I'm attracted to. Maybe I'm not attracted to anyone
Maybe I'm asexual. Who knows?"
Uhm... So yeah
Let me know anything in the comments, and I'll talk to you later
Have a great week, bye!