Sometimes we get into habits or addictions that we really want to break.
But how do you break a habit or an addiction? You've had a lot of other tips
in different videos. I've got my friend Blu Robinson here today who's an expert
on how to break habits and addictions because you work with addiction all the
time. -I do. All the time. -So let's apply some of your experience and expertise
here. Give us the background for this. Where... Where do we start?
-Yeah, well behaviors are patterns that are... That are constant meaning. Like if
you have something and do it over and over and over again.
Studying or muscle memory type experiences, you're going to turn those
actions into behaviors. The behaviors can turn into habits. The beautiful thing
about behaviors is they're all learned. It's not something that we just are born
with. Everything we do, we were taught and we learned and we experience and they
become behaviors. So the neat thing about that is, if we learn them, we can unlearn
them. But it takes practice and hard work. -Oh you know what? That's good news. This
happens in a subtle way though sometimes. We don't see it actually creeping in
because we get programmed. Programming is these behaviors that you're talking
about that are repeated over time until we don't think about them anymore.
-Absolutely. -And it just happens automatically. It's now a programmed
response. -Hmm. -You know it came into my mind as you said that. -What's that?
-Language. -Oh, yeah. -English. We're speaking in English. -I've noticed. -Did you choose
to speak in English? -What I know. -It's just what you're programmed with, right?
Now, some of you are not native English speakers. And so you're switching into
English mode or you might be using the captioning that YouTube provides. But you
switch into English mode on purpose even though your programming is in a
different language. You and I are programmed to
speak English. And so that's where our mind wants to go because of that habit
that's been formed. -Absolutely. So that to me is a compelling example of what
you're talking about. -Yeah, absolutely. And the beautiful thing about habits and
behaviors is that when you're unlearning them, it doesn't always have to be a
negative response in order to change that behavior. Meaning, you have a kid
that starts sucking their thumb, they sell the nail polish it tastes awful. I
know some kids actually enjoy it. So it doesn't change that. -Have
a cayenne, pepper or something. -Absolutely, yeah. And some kids really
enjoy that, I guess. So, it doesn't almost have to be negative. Positive
reinforcement can also be a great motivator to changing a behavior. -Yeah,
having a strong enough why... -Mm-hmm -...is one way to think about that. -Absolutely. And
with that why comes something that I coaching teaching at exactly which is an
"I am." You don't want to focus on what I'm not. You know you want to focus on I am. I
am worthy, I am powerful, I am strength. Instead of I am pitiful,
I am remorseful. You want to change that perception of who you are. At the core as
it will start producing into areas of changing behaviors. What motivates you,
you have to be able to label that with an I am. -And it's it's more than just a
perception. -Absolutely. -It's a... it's a declaration really. -It is. -It's like an
intentional creative statement. -Absolutely. It's like I am a smoker. Well,
that sounds kind of negative. What if you said something like "I am health." Well, "I
am the smoker and I am health." They don't really mix together very well. -Right. And
so, realistically your mind doesn't tell the difference. It believes what you tell
it. So if you tell it that it's health as you're moving away from being a smoker,
it'll become that. We call that Faking It Until You Become It. We call it in the
coaching, "Good Practice." -That... Well, that and I prefer that to Blu. Because...
Fake It Until You Make It, yeah. There's some utility in that concept. -Absolutely.
It feels fake, it feels funny. And when we say we're faking it... But I like what
you're doing with this. Practice. This is something I'm
practicing, I'm developing, I'm building I'm creating. See, these are active
processes that were engaged. -Action-oriented. -If you're learning a new
language for example. And might I suggest Finnish. -That's going...
-Yeah. -Probably it's not going to be useful for you. But if you were to learn Finnish,
what would it take? -Study. -A whole lot of practice, right? And
so, when I was starting to speak Finnish and to learn the language, I
could have taken that old approach of, "I can't speak Finnish." Which technically
would have been true. -Yeah. -It's more useful for for me to say I'm learning or
practicing or developing Finnish, in this case. -For sure. -And I just picked that
language as an example. It could be learning a new musical instrument, it
could be learning any new habit or repeated behavior. -Absolutely. -There's a
process. So, look at it as a practice sequence. Get your coach on board. -Yeah. -I
can see how this is coming together. -And move forward with it. I mean, well I had
to fake being a student until I became one. Because I had awful study techniques.
Until I started looking at the bigger picture here what I wanted at the end.
And that was I would like to have a degree. And I want to be a professional, I
want to be able to be paid for what I do for a living.
Therefore I couldn't tell myself I wasn't a student anymore. I had to tell
myself, "I am a student and I am a graduate." And those attributes help my
behaviors a mindset shift to where I became it. And I've done a pretty good
job of faking it because I've got the letters behind my name now. So it works.
-Huh!. -It literally works. -You know what? And if faking it doesn't serve you well... Like
for me, it triggers all of those negative, "Oh, it's not real kind of things." I got on
an airplane last week, Blu. And the pilots were the
age of my kids. -Oh, that's... -Okay? I mean, I'm at that phase of life, right? Well,
what if... What if my pilots were saying, "Oh I'm not a pilot. I'm faking being a pilot."
Okay, I'm not feeling so safe anymore. -Absolutely. -Everybody's in some phase of
development and everybody who is a pilot right now wasn't at some point. -Yep.
-True? -Their behaviors and their desires made it to become such. -You can
become whatever you choose to become. Through practice, through principle,
through getting the right kind of coaches on board.
-Yes, surrounding yourself with people that have like-minded behaviors. The like
of minded habits. Those are the greatest things you've heard it before. We are the
average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. Their behaviors are going to
influence ours to become great or to become not so great. It's up to you. -Makes
me glad I'm hanging out with people like you. -I agree 100% with you. -Such a useful idea, Blu.
That we're we're practicing, we're becoming. In fact, maybe we should refer
to ourselves as human Becomings. No. (Both Laughs)
Where you are isn't where you're going to be. What you're going to become
doesn't exist yet. We haven't created that yet. Let's get back to our... Our
starting point here, Blu. As we were talking about how to... How to overcome
habits and addictions. Think of it as programming. Can you learn a new program?
Yes, you can. -Absolutely. -We've identified some of the processes by which you can
do that and our focus goes away from, "Oh, I need to break this habit" into "I want
to reprogram myself to do this", instead. -Absolutely. And reprogramming a behavior,
it's going to take a lot of motivation. That's why these attributes need to be
very conscious to you. They've got to be able to be pointed out by your loved
ones. They also need to be recognized by yourself. So that when you find yourself
slipping into one of those behaviors. you can find your way out of it too. By
changing just something ever so slightly. The smallest move that you make whether
it's literally getting up on the other side
of the bed to change your daily routine will help shape behaviors in a much
different way. But it is being conscious of what is and what's wanted. -Would you
comment briefly also (Before I let you go here today) about the importance of
community. Or I think you refer to it as team. -Absolutely. It's ...-Could you just give
us some of your insights about that? -Well, for instance, most people come to Addict
to Athlete. And part of our program is to be able to run and to exercise. And to
experience being what an athlete would be. And that... That varies from one person
to another. But most everyone first comes in and they had those old behaviors if I
can't or I'm not. And so literally, we here and "I'm not a runner." Well, says who?
We've all ran. -I'm not pilot. -I'm not a pilot, absolutely. But the thing is is we've
once done that everyone's ran at least once. Everyone's moved somewhere quickly.
And so, it's changing that thought process of again to what's not to what
can be or what could be. And I think being able to understand those
principles and changing behaviors ever so slightly with your thoughts, with your
actions with associating with a team to help support you. And to point out when
mistakes are happening our slips are approaching, it's going to make you much
more able to change behaviors and break habits. -I just thought of one of our
common friends, Blu. Author of charming book called "A Wiggle Room." -Oh yes. -Her
name is Jenny Roper. She has cerebral palsy. -Mm-hmm. -And she ran a 5k. Through
your program, Addict to athlete. Now, the story in her mind at first was, "I've got
cerebral palsy. I can't..." -And her behaviors and habits matched that.
-Yes. -And we should bring Jenny on to tell this story. -Very good. -It was so inspiring
to see her do that because she just... She changed the story in her mind and then
what she was able to do in the physical world changed as well and she completed
that 5k. -3.1 mile run. -Yeah. -It can happen. -In the
way that she runs. -Absolutely. -And she talks about that in a way that it's just
so funny and entertaining too. -Absolutely. Changed her behaviors of what
she could do. -Yeah. -What could you do if you change the story in your mind? Get
the right coaches on board, form that community. It's powerful. -And it can't be
done. Blu shared some great ideas with us
there. If you'd like a little bit of individual coaching, go to
liveonpurpose.coach. That's where you're going to find Blu and other licensed
coaches who understand the principles we talked about here on the channel. We've
got your back.