- He pulled away,
avoid making these 12 mistakes or he will not come back.
(upbeat music)
- Hello, my name is Greta Bereisaite,
I'm dating and relationship coach for women.
For the awesome high value women secrets,
subscribe to my channel,
and hit the bell to be notified when I upload new videos,
which is usually every Sunday,
and in between I usually upload some shorts.
And just before I will share with you
those 12 crucial mistakes that many, many women make,
don't forget to take my free self-awareness test
to find out are you behaving
as a high value or a low value woman?
Which I will drop down in my video description box below.
I also have a free goody for you ladies to download,
it's on my website.
It's called "Love That Lasts."
And if you didn't get it yet,
I highly recommend you to get my book.
It's called "Devoted Relationships,"
and you can find it for sale on Amazon or on my website.
All the links will be down below.
And just before I will share with you those 12 mistakes,
keep it in mind that this is a general advice only
and you will have to analyze the situation yourself
and pick and choose what applies to you the most.
So the number one is don't panic and don't overreact.
Just because some guy,
he didn't text you for a couple of hours,
didn't reply to your last text right now,
or maybe even didn't text you
for a few days or longer than that,
it doesn't mean that he has ghosted you
or broken up with you
and you will never hear from him again.
A lot of women are not used to this type of behavior
because we as women,
when we like each other or when we have friends,
we are very reassuring towards one another
and we share our feelings and what we are going through.
A woman talks to a woman,
she's very open,
she has very open communication.
We give each other a lot of reassurance.
And a female friend doesn't really ghost you
unless you have fallen out.
So women, when they date men,
and if they don't have much experience,
what they do when a guy kinda disappears on them,
she compares him to her female friends
and she panics because she does not see it as normal.
As a female, a lot of times,
she assumes that a guy would be behaving as another female
and would just be texting her nonstop
and reassuring her forever.
Therefore, ladies, do not panic
because men are not women
and they are wired very differently.
And if he disappears on you for a few hours
or a few days or even longer than that,
do not jump to conclusions that it's over
because most likely it's not.
Number two, when a guy pulls away for whichever reason
and he's not texting you for a few days,
don't start to chase him.
Don't start to text him and call him
because these texts and calls
will be coming out from your insecurities,
from your vulnerabilities.
And most likely,
they're going to sound very unattractive to a guy.
And the insecure unattractive texts
usually sounds something like,
"Hey, have I said something wrong?
"I haven't heard from you in a while.
"Are we okay?"
Sometimes, women get so determined when a guy pulls away
because they panic and they don't know what's going on,
they actually keep calling a guy,
determined not to give up until he actually picks up.
Therefore, a lot of times,
guys look at their phone
and they see like 10, 20 missed calls from the girl
just because she's panicking
as he didn't text her for a few days.
And ladies, the outcome usually of this chasing and pursuing
is he starts to see you as very insecure.
He starts to see you as very vulnerable.
He starts to see you as very needy.
He starts to see you as very attention seeking.
He's just thinking,
I just wasn't there for her for 1/2 a day or two days
and she's overreacting like this.
And men start to see you as very kinda insecure,
desperate type of behavior,
which puts them off big time
and make them pull away from you even further
or even break up with you on the spot.
Number three, don't assume
and make actions based on your assumptions.
A lot of people tend to go into their negative mindset
and assume all the worst case scenarios.
He's cheating, he lost interest, he broke up with me,
he's in the hospital, and so on and so on and so on.
And then a lot of times,
we make actions based on those assumptions,
we may even accuse a man of unrealistic things
that he has never done or was planning to do.
And of course, if you'll behave this way,
and if all he's doing
is just taking couple days of space,
then you might turn him off so much
that he may never come back.
Number four, what many women do when a guy pulls away
or we don't hear from him for a few days,
we start to manipulate and play games.
So perhaps you'll go out to party
and will start to take pictures
with like hugging 10 other guys
and sharing it in the stories
in order to make the guy jealous,
or get some kind of reaction,
hoping that he'll watch the story,
or she might go on online dating,
or perhaps she even will start to talk to his friends
and start to spread gossip around him.
I actually know a real life story
of one girl I used to know in the past,
her boyfriend pulled away from her for a few days,
and she panicked so much that she went to a club, partied,
had a one night stand and got pregnant.
And ladies, this is obviously an extreme example,
but this is what happens when we let our insecurities,
our vulnerabilities, our anxieties take over,
when we assume the worst,
when we start to manipulate and play games.
The consequences of all of it
can literally be completely unreal.
Number five would be don't confront him asking for answers.
So a lot of women, when a guy pulls away,
they will start to confront him.
Why you not texting me?
You have to communicate with me.
I am your girlfriend.
This is unacceptable.
Ladies, all these type of texts
when a guy is in a pull away,
they sound needy,
they sound very controlling,
they sound very demanding,
they sound very selfish,
and most likely
you are either gonna get a very angry reply from a guy
or no reply at all.
And if anything,
his pull away will get even longer.
Number six, don't isolate yourself,
meaning don't go into the corner
and start crying by yourself all day and all night
until he actually gets in touch with you
because, again, you're panicking and overreacting
and you're letting your insecurities
and vulnerabilities take over.
Ladies, this is a sad situation,
but I know this happens so, so many times.
I think probably majority of women went through this.
When a guy pulls away
and a lot of times we as women don't understand that
because women don't need to pull away
from men or anyone else.
When we love somebody,
we just want to be with them 24/7.
We don't need space.
So when men pull away,
it's like anxiety attack.
We have no idea what's going on,
especially if we don't know
the differences between men and women.
And what a lot of women do,
they call and text and chase,
and the guy doesn't reply
because he needs to take his space.
And then what these women do,
they just stay at home and they just cry,
sometimes for days,
'til somebody wise comes around,
comforts them and lifts them up,
or until she found a sound advice on YouTube, for example.
Ladies, there is no need for that.
Majority of the time when guys pull away, they come back.
If you are in a happy relationship
and he just doesn't text you for a few days,
a lot of times it's a normal thing for a man to do.
So he's just taking his space
to kinda recharge himself from you
because when men spend a lot of loving time with women,
a lot of times their testosterone drops down
and they actually need to pull away from a woman
to recharge and to raise their testosterone level,
meaning that he just needs some space from you.
And once he recharges,
he comes back to you and he can give you again,
charm you again,
and be all loving and kind again.
If he doesn't get the time to recharge,
a lot of times
guys just get comfortable and numb in relationships,
and that's not fun for you at all.
However, as I said, majority of women
don't know that, don't understand that,
or don't even accept it.
They assume the worst instead,
they panic and they cry for days
thinking that he has left the girl
and he is not planning to come back.
Number seven, don't think that it's your fault
and try to overthink every single detail
that you have done wrong in your entire relationship.
A lot of people get into this pattern
that when a guy pulls away
or she just didn't hear from him for a while,
that a lot of men and women
assume that they have done something wrong.
And a lot of times, girls especially,
they even take things out of the context
and they overanalyze some things
that they didn't do wrong,
but they start to see those things as wrong
because they try to make sense to them why he pulled away.
A good example would be
let's say a couple were texting each other
and just a normal casual conversation.
And then the last text,
let's say a woman did,
and she just says something like, "Okay, thank you.
"I hope you have a good day."
And then after that,
let's say she doesn't hear from a guy for a couple of days.
What ladies do,
they literally go on that last text where she says,
"Okay, thank you.
"Have a good day."
And they start to assume
that it's something wrong with this casual text
that she has sent him.
And the assumptions sometimes go wild.
For example, oh, maybe I should have texted him first
the next day.
Maybe he's waiting for me to initiate.
Maybe my text was wrong
because I didn't ask him a question,
and maybe he got insecure that I'm not like into him.
Ladies, just chill.
Look at your text logically,
and if you haven't done anything wrong,
it means you have not done anything wrong.
Don't look for the wrong thing and the right thing
that you did.
It's too crazy.
Number eight that women do is when he pulls away,
don't start to follow him.
Don't start to stalk him.
Don't show up at his house.
If he'll actually find out,
again, he may not come back.
So couple of examples could be
you're watching his every single story on Instagram.
You created a fake Instagram account
in order to stalk his every single story
or to stalk the comments of his friends.
So a couple examples would be stalking his Instagram,
stalking his Facebook,
replying to his comments,
driving past his house,
checking is he home?
And then overthinking it,
oh, he's home,
so how come he's not texting me?
Or, oh no, he's not home,
maybe he found someone else.
Ladies, just stop driving yourself crazy.
This is how people end up in mental hospitals.
Instead of controlling ourselves,
instead of controlling our behavior,
we just keep driving ourselves crazier
and crazier and crazier
by assuming things
and making the decisions out of our assumptions
and then confronting a guy based on our assumptions.
Number nine, reflect on your relationship.
So perhaps he did pull away because you were acting needy,
you were acting controlling,
you perhaps guys had a lot of fights.
You tried to set in a boundary,
and instead of stepping it up and making things better,
he's run away like many men do.
So it is definitely important
to reflect back on the relationships,
just to see did you perhaps went somewhere wrong
and you turned him off?
Saying this, I would say it would be very helpful
to reflect back on the relationship with a coach,
which takes me to number 10,
and it is seek support because, ladies,
a lot of times when we reflect back on our own relationships
and we don't have such good knowledge
of how a healthy relationship should work
or how any relationship should work,
or we don't know the differences
between men and women that well
and how we should kind of compliment each other,
it's much better if you seek help from a coach
because if a coach
can reflect back on your relationship with you
and tell you exactly where you and him went wrong
and how to fix it in the future.
As when we reflect things back on ourselves
and we don't have this knowledge,
a lot of times we don't see our own mistakes,
and what we do instead,
we just blame the guy,
and this will never fix things.
If anything, it will just lead to a breakup.
Number 11, if a guy has pulled away from you
and you don't know what's going on,
try and distract yourself.
So perhaps visit your parents or visit your friends,
pick up some new activities,
or maybe even go on a little holiday.
Distract yourself so you are not by yourself
sitting there, thinking,
overthinking and driving yourself crazy.
Here comes the number 12.
Just be patient.
When guys pull away, guess what?
They come back after their pull away.
All you need to do is just wait it out.
Normally, guys come back after a few hours
or after a few days,
and then you don't confront him,
you don't overreact.
Just when he comes back, he says,
"Hi, how are you?"
Let's say, "I miss you."
You just casually say,
"Hey, yeah, I'm good, miss you too."
Then a lot of times,
guys just open up why they have pulled away,
or many times they don't even share with you
why they pulled away.
They assume that you would know
that he just needs space for a few days to recharge.
If that's the case, ladies,
just observe your relationship over time
and you will see that every couple of months or every month,
he just pulls away and doesn't text you for a few days
in order to recharge.
And then he recharges,
he's all nice and sweet back to you again.
And if you'll reflect, let's say,
on 1/2 a year or a year of your relationship,
you will see that it's a bit of a pattern
that you just need to accept.
So ladies, I hope you liked my video.
If you liked it, please press like.
Let me know in the comments below, what do you think?
Join Greta's High Value Women School
where we are all in the same boat
learning how to be women of high value
and bring out the best in our men.
Follow me on my Instagram.
My Instagram is called @ladies_relationship_coach.
And for one-on-one coaching with me or a member of my team,
book us through my website,
which is called gretabereisaite.com.
I also have an amazing VIP High Value Women Tribe
where we do coaching lives five times a week,
and we answer everyone's question posted for our lives.
To find out more about this phenomenal group,
check out the link in the description box below.
And if you would like to know
how to stay attractive via text,
games men play on women,
how to control your emotions,
how to get your ex back,
I have all of these videos for sale on my website.
And the link, again, is in the description box below.
Thank you for watching.
Kisses from Dorset.