How to communicate with your partner
without arguing? My name is Paul Friedman,
I founded The Marriage Foundation
and I'd like to help you with this.
Communication
is a facet of marriage
and it really has taken a very prominent
position role in marriage because
people think, "Oh, my communication is off.
His/her
communication is not right.
I'm not understood. I don't understand."
All of this and the reality is that
communication is very
much on the surface of marriage
when you think of marriage sort of
schematically,
what is the core of marriage? Core of
marriage
is your soul mates, love.
Love is the big
center of marriage and
it's a very thin
aspect is communication. Because
if the love is so powerful that it's
influencing your communication,
your communication will be loving.
If it's loving, there won't be any
arguments.
Did you get this? It may sound
simplistic or even too philosophical but
trust me
and we'll get there. I'll give you some
methods to avoid arguing
but you should understand that the basis
of your relationship with your partner
is love. Have you ever seen a picture of
the world
taken from outer space? You have this
big blue ball
and there's this thin atmosphere,
very thin that surrounds it.
And think of communicating
in that way, you're
a big ball of love. Your spouse, your
partner is a big ball of love.
You want to connect and you use
communication verbal, physical,
communication
to connect but, what are you really
wanting to connect?
Yourselves because yourselves, your souls
and the word soulmate is not just made
up
for greeting cards. You
want this merging to take place
this love and communicating with words
with speech, with gestures.
It's thin and it has much more meaning
if it's a sincere bridge
in between the two of you as souls.
And then the idea of arguing
becomes impossible
because if you're always infusing love
into your communication and I'm talking
at a very
high level now. I'll get into it like I said
I'll get into
some techniques
but if you're communicating love then
all your words, all your gestures
are sweet. There's
no possibility for argument
but we don't learn this growing
up. We are taught, believe it or not
well, you probably know this.
I see it all the time. We get
emails at The Marriage Foundation, you
could write into our counselors -- it's a
free
service and people ask the question.
How can we argue properly?
You can't. There's no such thing as
proper arguing. I don't care what the
psycho babilists
say. Arguing is inappropriate.
Fools argue,
wise men discuss, very old saying, very
true saying
because you have free will.
What you say is a hundred percent up to
you
if you blame your partner for
what you say
you're making them responsible for your
free will.
No, you're
allowing their behavior to trigger
your inner triggers
and react.
That's not how it's supposed to work.
You could read one of my books. You
should definitely subscribe to this
channel, learn more about marriage.
You could take the course for women or
the course for men depending on
your gender
but it's very important to learn more
about what marriage is all about, about
what you're all about
based on your gender, what your partner
is all about based on their gender.
And even in my books, and even in the
courses
we address communication of course and
I'm going to
I promise you I'm going to give you some
tips, I still am.
But understand the core of it
because you're married. You're supposed
to
desire and achieve
ever-expanding happiness and ever
expanding love.
That's why you got married. So
techniques, one technique
is don't say anything. Don't react.
Remember if you're triggered by
something
they say that's on you.
And for that, you can practice the
bowling ball
feather technique. You imagine that what
they just said
is a bowling ball flying at you but
you're a feather.
And as soon as it gets close just the
wind is going to push you out of the way
you're not going to be hit by the
bowling ball
but you really should be seeing past
their communication
anyway and looking at them with love,
compassion and understanding.
Don't set yourself up to be triggered
and if you are -- it's yours.
Don't react, don't expect them
to modify their communication to please
your personal filters -- that's not fair.
Let them be who they are. Don't even
judge it.
Even if they get angry completely lose
it
that's the stage that they're in in
their individual growth.
You don't have to respond to that the
way they're
reacting to you -- that's silly.
You'd be above it. You step aside.
You allow them to go through their thing.
You speak in a very calm
loving heart-centered way
and there won't be any arguing.
Arguing should be from your perspective
never going to happen again. You have
free will
so you make a decision. I'm not going to
argue
and you won't.
I live this way. I practice what I preach.
I didn't always but I have learned
these things, I've applied them
and as a result, I am a happier person.
And as a happier person,
I can tell you that you have the same
opportunity.
I could also tell you to not choose to
be a happier person
is a waste of your life
but once you choose to be a happier
person
you need to define a path, a methodology
in order to become happier.
If the communication that you're having
with your partner is constantly turning
into arguments
it's only a lack of education. They're
not a creep.
You're not a creep. You're both
uneducated
but one of you alone can end the arguing
100%. Yeah, it's true.
So again, definitely subscribe
to this channel so you can learn more
about marriage.
Get one of my books if you really need
it. If things are
really going south in your marriage, get
either the course for men or the course
for women
so you could get yourself, get your
marriage back
on track. Marriage is the happiest
place in your life when you know what
you're doing.
Blessings to you! Blessings to your
spouse and your family!
Thank you for spending time with me!
I really do appreciate it.
God bless and take care!