Hi there.
By listening to this podcast, you'll gain practical skills in mastering
English 'small talk', expand your range of conversation topics, and
learn what subjects to avoid to ensure you have a nice conversation.
Navigate social situations more confidently, make better connections with
people, whether that’s in your personal or your professional life, through
the art of meaningful 'small talk'.
Suitable topics?
Good questions?
So if you want to move your English into being sociable and ‘making conversations,
this podcast will help you do that.
And while you might be eager to dive into 'small talk', do you know which topics you
should avoid in English-speaking cultures?
If not, you definitely want to stay tuned until the end of this podcast.
I'll be sharing what are UNsuitable topics for ‘small talk’ conversation,
which may even amuse you!
So, make sure you listen right through to the end, to avoid
‘embarrassing small talk topics’.
Hello, I’m Hilary, and you’re listening to Adept English.
We will help you to speak English fluently.
All you have to do is listen.
So start listening now and find out how it works.
OK, first of all, let’s define ‘small talk’.
What is it?
Well, ‘small talk’ is the kind of conversation that people have
when they first meet, when they don’t really know one another.
‘Small talk’ also happens between people who do know each other, but who perhaps
haven’t seen each other for a while.
Even people who are close friends or family, will probably start a
conversation with ‘small talk’ before getting into more in-depth subjects.
‘Small talk’ has a number of purposes.
It helps you get to know someone better, especially when you’ve just met.
It ‘builds rapport’ - that’s RAPPORT.
‘Rapport’ means ‘the feeling of a good relationship’, so
building ‘rapport is important.
‘Small talk’ plays a part in making a relationship with another person.
‘Small talk’ is polite and aimed at making the other person more comfortable.
Research tells us that small talk helps to build rapport and trust,
which can lead to better performance and reduce people’s anxiety.
Just think about if you’re having a party, then as you welcome each guest into your
house, this is much more successful, if you make ‘small talk’ with each person
as they arrive, as you welcome them.
And have you ever thought about how a simple small talk conversation can
leave a lasting impression, making you more memorable to other people?
You make an impact on them - and that’s useful.
So small talk may happen when people meet socially, just for
enjoyment or to be sociable.
But have you ever thought about how much small talk can
impact your work relationships and your opportunities there?
Again, if you want to make a positive impression, then ‘small talk’ is necessary
in order to ‘get the feel of a person’ and for that person to ‘get a feel’ for you.
Then you may be prepared to start to build trust and ‘do business together’.
Also a purpose of small talk is to find what we call ‘common ground’
- meaning places where your interests are similar - so that you can enjoy
talking together about those interests.
And have you ever wondered why some people love small talk and
are good at it - and some people really don’t like ‘small talk’?
Whether you love it or hate it, it’s still important to be able to do it.
For those who dislike ‘small talk’ because they’d rather talk about
more interesting things, then ‘small talk’ is just a ‘stepping stone’,
‘a bridge’ if you like to more interesting, in-depth conversation.
And learning to be good at ‘small talk’ is important if you suffer from what
we call in English, ‘social anxiety’ - that’s SOCIAL and anxiety, ANXIETY.
‘Anxiety’ is ‘worry’ in other words.
And this ‘social anxiety’ is specifically ‘worry about social
interaction’ - the fear of meeting and talking with new people.
If you find yourself anxious about this, about talking to new people, then
this is another reason why practising small talk can really help you.
And what are suitable topics for ‘small talk’?
What do people in English speaking cultures consider small talk?
So there are a number of usual topics and I’ll run through them - and give
you some examples of questions or conversations around these topics.
This is a practical, easy-to-use piece of advice on ‘small talk’
for English learners, giving you specific questions and phrases you
can use in real-life situations.
Here goes with an obvious one to start with!
I’ll give you six different topics.
You might be surprised to learn that talking about the weather isn't
just a British thing; it's actually a universal piece of small talk.
Whether you're in the UK, the US, Canada, or Australia, starting a
conversation with a comment about the weather is very common and acceptable.
It's not just about the climate, it's about connecting!
But this is a very British thing to talk about - and I’ve done podcasts
before on ‘weather conversation’.
If you want more of that specifically, Adept English podcast number 620
is very popular and goes into more detail on this topic - lots of
phrases and vocabulary for you to use.
The weather is useful if you’re only going to have a very quick conversation
- perhaps it’s with the person who’s on the checkout at the supermarket?
Then ‘Isn’t it lovely weather we’re having?’ Or ‘Are you doing anything
nice at the weekend - I think the sun’s out?’ - that may be a good way to go.
Or sometimes in the UK, ‘Have you seen the rain?’ Or ‘Oh my
goodness, it’s so cold today!’
Are you ready for some more valuable small talk tips?
For a more ‘getting to know you’ type of small talk,
‘work’ is usually a good topic.
And if you find that the person you’re talking isn’t working at the
moment, then showing interest in what they’re doing instead is polite.
They may be taking time out because they’ve got small children for example.
So showing interest in people’s jobs is a good way of doing small talk.
‘What’s your job?’, ‘How long have you been doing that?
‘Where do you want to be in five years time in your career?’, ‘Do you like your
job?’ and if so, ‘Why?’ And of course, you need to have prepared what you would
answer to each of these questions as well.
Small talk is all about ‘back and forth’.
It’s you talking about you and the other person talking about them.
That goes, I guess, for any type of conversation really, but you
perhaps need to be ‘prepared’.
What are you prepared to share about yourself?
Another good topic for ‘small talk’ is a person’s family - and if you know
them better, perhaps also their friends.
You may already know what the person’s family situation is - or you may discover
it in your small talk conversation.
Does the person have children?
Are they married?
If you both have small children, or even children who’re going to university,
that’s immediately ‘something in common’, a similar experience or
situation that you might want to spend some minutes talking about.
Perhaps even does the person have pets?
You may discover that you both like cats for instance.
Friends and family type conversations are also useful when you’re
reconnecting with someone that you’ve made ‘small talk’ with before.
You might say ‘Ah, I remember last time you were telling me about how
your wife had set up a new business.
How is it going?’ Or ‘I remember, your daughter is studying
Law at university, isn’t she?
How is it going - how is she doing?’
By ‘current stuff’, I mean ‘what’s going on’.
This might include small talk conversation about what’s happening in the news,
things that have happened, current affairs, current issues perhaps.
Or another popular ‘small talk’ conversation might be ‘What series are
you watching at the moment?’ Whether that’s on Netflix, or Apple TV or even
who you follow on Spotify or YouTube?
Perhaps the conversation could be ‘What films have you seen lately?’ or
‘Have you read any good books lately?’ And this ‘current stuff’ conversation
readily moves into ‘What types of series or films do you enjoy?’.
One of my favourite conversations when I meet with my daughters
- what series are you watching?
So we share series which we’ve discovered and enjoyed - and often we watch a series
on the other person’s recommendation.
Sometimes we may even spend time ‘comparing notes’ if it’s a really good or
long series, something worth discussing!
This is a topic that most people are interested in.
Travel may include questions like ‘Do you travel with your work?’ or ‘What
trips have you taken this year?’ or ‘Are you intending to get away this summer?’.
So it may be a future-focused set of questions - what travel
are you intending to do?
What places are you intending to visit?
Or the conversation could be about past trips, where have you been in the world.
You and the other person may discover that there are places that you’ve both been to
- and you find yourself ‘comparing notes’.
That means talking about whether your experience was similar or different.
And the conversation may even move towards discussing places that people recommend
travelling to - or even where people perhaps recommend avoiding travelling to.
Even those bad travel experiences can make entertaining ‘small talk’ conversation!
Last but not least….
Last of all - something that is present in everybody’s life, we all need to eat.
But more interesting to talk about, if you are a ‘food enthusiast’.
A ‘foodie’ perhaps we would call that in English - FOODIE means ‘someone
who’s enthusiastic about food’.
‘What type of food do you prefer?
What do you like to eat?’ ‘What’s your favourite food?’.
You might discuss ‘cuisine’ - that’s CUISINE.
And that means ‘cooking specific to a part of the world’.
Which ‘cuisine’ is your favourite?
In the UK, we like Indian food - or our own version of that I suppose,
but you can also eat Italian, Chinese, Vietnamese, Lebanese, French, Thai,
Japanese perhaps, in the form of sushi.
Which of these we like best, that’s a suitable conversation and for many people,
an enjoyable topic for ‘small talk’.
You may even get onto recommending or discussing particular restaurants locally.
And the other part of this conversation can be ‘What do you cook yourself?’
or ‘Are you a foodie?’ This type of conversation can also move into what
you eat for your health as well.
So that gives you plenty of topics to make ‘small talk’ about, which
will enable you to make good social connections with people In English.
What are the topics which you generally want to avoid in ‘small talk’?
Well, many of these will be obvious and it’s probably the same
in most cultures of the world.
You wouldn’t generally talk about what we call ‘bodily functions’
- that means the ‘nitty gritty’ of personal hygiene or toilet habits,
or say, how often you have sex.
Those topics would be considered impolite in most places in the world.
Another thing to avoid is asking questions which are too personal, too
much personal detail - that’s a big no-no.
And I think in English speaking cultures - the UK in particular - you would never
ask someone ‘How much do you earn?’ That’s something we keep to ourselves,
it’s deeply personal - and not something that’s usually openly discussed.
Other topics to avoid if you’re just getting to know someone?
Well, religion can be deeply ‘divisive’ - that’s DIVISIVE.
And that adjective means ‘it divides people, people have very different
and strong feelings about it’.
And perhaps it’s the same with politics as well.
In the UK, we don’t tend to discuss politics in ‘small talk’.
That type of discussion is much more likely to happen when people know each
other well - and they’re already familiar with what each other’s politics are.
Then it’s much less likely to give offence if they disagree.
So even topics like Brexit or COVID are so ‘divisive’ - people have such
different opinions about them, that you might want to save those topics until
you’re beyond the ‘small talk’ and you really know the other person much better.
I hope that helps with making small talk in English.
Let us know what you think!
And if you’d like more information about social anxiety for example
- I’d be happy to cover that in a future podcast - just let me know!
Enough for now.
Have a lovely day.
Speak to you again soon.
Goodbye.
Thank you so much for listening.
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