- Mom, do you masturbate to porn?
- You know, actually I have, but--
- I don't wanna know anything else about that.
- But you know I had my little toys.
- Great, Mom, great, alright, alright, that's enough.
I'm Jarvis.
- Me too.
(laughs) No, I'm kidding.
I'm Denise.
I'm--
- My mom.
- Yeah.
Not too much sex.
(laughs)
- Okay, yeah.
But you know, we're pretty open with each other.
- Cheers, Mom.
- Yeah.
When did you lose your virginity?
- 15.
- Whew, I'm glad of that one.
I thought you were gonna say something like nine,
or something crazy - No, nah, nah.
- 'Cause you were just girl crazy for--
- Dry humping the ladies.
- Ewww, Jarvis, nobody wants to know all that.
- Really?
Do you ever do butt stuff?
- Ew.
Butt stuff? What does that mean?
- Butt stuff, Mom, do you play with your booty?
I don't know either.
- I wipe my ass. What I do? - Take a drink.
I don't want any of this. - Yeah, what.
Yeah, I just need a drink because that's nasty.
Were you ever curious about doing butt--
- No!
- That shit can hurt.
(laughs)
- Nah, I'm good.
- Cheers, Jarv.
- Yep, there ya go.
- Name three ways I fucked up as a parent.
Oh shit, really?
- Yeah, I can't think of one.
- You just want to drink.
- No, no, what?
- You didn't think because I was a lesbian, that--
- No, that broadened my, you know what I'm saying.
- Yeah, you were real open about that.
- I didn't give a shit.
- Yeah, you'd go to school telling everybody that.
- Did I do that?
- Yeah, you were going to school,
"My mom's gay, my mom's gay."
(laughs)
Had to sit him down and have the talk,
Jarvis, not everyone is on the same page as you.
Please.
(laughs)
- I can answer this for you.
On a scale of one to 10, how heterosexual are you?
Negative five.
(laughs)
- Woo!
You got that right!
- Okay, let me ask this question.
Who took it the hardest?
- Wait, Jarv, are we being off script here?
- Yeah, yeah, off script here.
Who took it the hardest?
- My dad. - Grandpa? Yep.
- He didn't talk to me for a while.
- Damn. - Because he's just--
- He's a manly man.
- With your dad, I was not real honest
about my sexuality with him.
- Yeah, how was that?
You had to break it to him.
- It's just like breaking it to my parents.
They just, everybody just like--
- Didn't believe it.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, here we go.
List all the illicit drugs you've tried.
- It's really basic.
Weed, mushrooms, thizz.
- What's that?
- Ecstasy.
That's it. - Cocaine?
- Oh. Cocaine, of course.
- Crack?
- Hell no! (laughs)
What drugs you've done?
- Marijuana, cocaine.
You know, mushrooms.
My drugs have been limited.
- Good, I'm proud.
When did I stop being perfect?
- Start of junior high school.
Started becoming more independent, kind of sassy.
Just wanted to hit ya.
Pow!
Anyways, yeah.
What's something that's hard for us
to talk about together?
Should we just clear the air right now?
- Hard to talk about? - Yeah.
- Uhhhh.
No, there's really nothing hard to talk about with you.
Is there anything that you have a hard time
talking to me about?
- I do.
Your attitude sometimes.
It just really sucks!
- Where I get my attitude from?
- You don't get that from me.
- Mom, all the attitudes and speaking up?
- Whatever, I'm your mom, so when I say something,
no, it really should be.
You should shut the hell up
and listen to what I say.
- We do.
- No you don't! - Yeah, we do.
- See!
There you go, I'm saying no you don't, and there you go!
Anyways, okay, good.
Who's the better parent, me or your father?
(laughs)
Hell, you know I am the better parent.
Shit, I ain't gonna lie about this shit.
- Yeah! (laughs)
I'm taking a shot.
I love both of y'all. - Nuh uh.
Bullshit, no, you gonna answer this shit.
- Take a shot, because you guys are both good parents.
Tell you what I appreciate about both of them.
You guys let me be who I needed to be.
Or you guys both gave me that space, so I appreciate that.
- Hell no, I was trying to put you in your place,
but you just was like--
- Yeah, I mean you still let me.
When I wanted to do Taekwondo for a week, you let me
(laughs) do it for two weeks,
get my yellow belt, and then quit.
- No I was always supportive in you trying to find your way.
I just love you, and I want you to be the best.
- Alright, take a shot to that then.
- Cheers, forgot about that. - Salut, yeah.
Alright.
(small group claps)
We drunk, so that's it.
- That helped!