(man) Stop making Twilight episodes! I hate Twilight!
(Ian) Shut up!
(man) The following never-before- seen clips were removed
from the theatrical release of Twilight: New Moon
because they were just plain stupid.
You'll see what I mean.
F--k!
Awesome.
Welcome to The Dating Game: Mythological Creatures Edition!
Now it's time to meet our bachelors.
Bachelor #1: Jacob Black, a young werewolf.
Bachelor #2: Dave, an elf from Middle-earth.
And Bachelor #3: Charlie, a drunken guinea pig.
Now let's meet our bachelorette: Bella Swan.
Her old boyfriend left her for Italy,
and now she's looking for a new one.
She has a keen interest in dating people
who aren't entirely human, and she loves pizza.
Bella, take it away.
Bachelor #1, if we were to go out on our first date,
what would we do first?
Um, I'd probably arrive at your house
and I'd give you a rose and tell you how--
Okay, boring. Bachelor #3, same question.
(slurring) What? Oh, yeah.
Well, I probably would just get real wasted and then
I'd probably try to grab your boob or something. (chuckles)
Ooh! A spontaneous man. (titters)
Bachelor #2, a famous man once said,
"All things appear and disappear
because of the concurrence of causes and conditions.
Nothing ever exists entirely alone.
Everything is in relation to everything else."
Who was the man that said this?
What?
Edward, I'm here.
Edward, what are you doing?
(grunting) Whoa.
Edward!
What?
You act like you've never done this before.
And welcome back to The Dating Game!
- Bella, take it away. - Okay.
Bachelor #1, my old boyfriend took me places
by putting me on his back and running at supersonic speed.
How would you take me places?
Okay, I'd probably turn into a wolf
and you could ride on my back,
but when I turn back into a human, I'd be naked, so--
Ew! Naked? I'm not a pervert like you, Bachelor #1.
Have some class.
Bachelor #3, same question.
(slurring) I don't take you places.
You take me places, bitch!
An alpha male. I dig that.
Bachelor #2, spell the word "cat."
C-A-T.
You coulda done better.
(audience laughs)
Hey, I can't wait to see you.
I even have a little surprise for you when you get here.
Great, I can't wait.
(bat squeaking)
(screaming)
(grunting)
(bat squeaking)
Wait. Edward, is that you?
I've never seen you in bat form before.
Look, I have to come out with my secret right now.
I want you to marry me.
I'm so excited. Make love to me, Edward!
- (moaning) - (Barry White) Oh, yeah.
- Oh, baby. - Rub your wing on my face.
I just wanna love you forever.
♪ Babe, you twist my little nipples ♪
- Kiss me like Spider-Man! - Trust me, baby.
- The nipple. - Oh, don't give me a hickey, Edward.
Compared to my b--
- (gasps) - What the f--k?
I thought it was pretty cool. (scoffs)
(Ian with nasally voice) Go to Smosh.com right now
and check out the ending to the dating game,
and while you're there,
check out the bloopers for all the deleted scenes.
They're really funny.
Oh, you're probably wondering why I'm talking like this.
Well, I thought it'd be funny to shove some peas up my nose.
And guess what. It isn't funny! It sucks!