Opposers...
this weekend, Trump is heading to the G7 Summit,
a meeting of the top economic powers in the world.
Not to be confused with the Furious 7 Summit,
a meeting of the top Vin Diesel fans in the world.
That's where Don Jr. will be.
This year the G7 is being held
in America's most dangerous enemy--
Canada.
A country that Trump recently slapped
with some long overdue, very badass economic sanctions
for reasons of national security.
Now, the lying media would have you believe
that Trump is being ridiculous,
that Canada is an ally
and the world's greatest source of hot Ryans.
(laughter)
But...
They are good-looking Ryans.
We know the truth.
Canada is hanging over America's head
like a maple-scented Sword of Damocles.
And Trump's done playing nice.
President Trump and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,
according to our sources, Wolf, had a testy phone call
late last month over new tariffs
imposed by the Trump administration.
Trudeau pressed the president on how he could justify
these tariffs as a national security issue.
In response, Wolf,
we're told Mr. Trump quipped to Trudeau,
"Didn't you guys burn down the White House?"
This was an apparent reference to the War of 1812.
Yeah, that's right, Trump.
Don't let that go.
(laughter)
Canada did burn down the White House in 1812,
and we have the footage to prove it.
Ooh. Ooh.
Man.
The past was so high-def.
And in 1812, that was our only helicopter.
And even though nerdy historians are quick to point out
that Canada didn't burn down the White House,
that it was, in fact, British forces that set the fire,
and that the reason they did it was, ironically,
because of a trade dispute.
(laughter)
Fact checkers be damned.
I'm with Trump on this one.
Hey, Canada, do you think Trump is gonna let this thing slide?
Trump doesn't let anything slide.
He doesn't even let himself slide.
No, too dangerous.
There could be sharks down there.
Trump knows that those who forget the past
are doomed to be hit with steel
and aluminum tariffs 200 years later,
during peacetime.
And Canada is still attacking us.
Just this month, they dispatched
one of their rhyming Mounties with a dope fade
to harass one of America's finest,
unregulated pharmaceutical pushers.
(laughter, whooping, applause)
A disgrace. A disgrace.
And sly Canadian operatives
are pulling off attacks like this every day.
Don't let Prime Minister Abs sway you.
Our soldiers who had fought and died together on the beaches
of World War II, and the mountains of Afghanistan,
this is insulting to them.
The idea that we are somehow
a national security threat to the United States is,
quite frankly, insulting and unacceptable.
You know what? I will tell you what's insulting:
having a national anthem that doesn't mention bombs once.
(laughter)
What? You think these tariffs
were politically convenient for Trump,
and he called you a national security threat
because it's the easiest reason to enact them?
Please.
If you believe that, we got a Stanley Cup to sell you.
Seriously, we keep winning it from you
and we don't care about hockey at all.
It's embarrassing.
Just take it.
We'll...
We'll give it to you for basically nothing.
Opposers, the fact is,
Trump is heading into enemy territory this weekend.
So, President Trump, I know you're watching.
Might I recommend going to our online store
theshopposition.com,
and picking up our Canadian War Prep Kit,
complete with geese distraction crumbs,
a bottle of good-tasting American ketchup,
and a specialized anti-politeness flak jacket
that can stop an "I'm soorry" at close range.
So God speed, Trump.
Go show Canada what you cana "do.”
The fight continues.