Hello, so since coming out, as a gay,
I've been thinking back to all of my fixations,
with male celebrities, and pop culture icons as I've grown up
and back then, especially when I was younger, I thought it was just because
these guys were just so cool, for no discernable reason...
But of course now, I realise they were gay crushes! (fanfare)
So today, I'm gonna expose myself by remembering who these crushes were,
and are, and also grade them based on what I was thinking. (machine beeps)
Do they have the whole package? (laughs) or do I need help?
But before I begin me and Dan actually did some rating of some lads over on Stereo
where we played Heartthrob again. It was super funny,
(P: Russ, he's a musician and he likes his big trumpet.)
(D: That's a f*cking saxaphone you idiot. Oh my god.) (Both laughs)
(D: You're gonna get dragged by brass Twitter.)
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Back to the boys in question, I'm not assuming anyone's sexuality by the way
I'm just saying, if they were into me, this is how I'd feel.
We're kicking things off with Robin Hood the fox! (record scratches)
(laughs) I've gotta be honest, from Disney, I'm not saying I'm a furry,
but I feel like Disney is responsible for a lot of furries, with all of these
talking, anthropomorphic, charismatic animals. He had so much charisma!
I just fancied the essence of the fox, not the physicality of the orange thing with
the tail, that probably had dog breath, you know what I'm saying?
Some of you know what I'm saying!
But if we're rating my taste, he does have a lot going for him.
despite having a tail, he gives to the rich, no- NO
He gives to the poor and takes from the rich! (machine noises) Yes.
That's great, commendable, kind boyfriend material, he wears a snazzy hat.
I like someone that can accessorize. All things being said, he is a fox.
I feel like he might eat maice- mice? I said that weird. (mice in so mo)
in front of me, which might be off-putting we'd be at a restaurant and he'd be like,
"Do you have a platter of mice?" So I'm gonna give him a B and maybe hope he has
some little mermaid situation where he's transformed into the hot man version of
the fox. Captain America! He actually overtook craw- Craw (laughs) Thor!
As my biggest Avengers crush. It just happened around Infinity Wars
slash End Game maybe when he had the beard. Oh the beard.
But we're talking about my taste here, not his physical attributes.
I feel like he'd be able to rescue me in a perilous situation.
He's strong, he could definitely open that peanut butter jar I couldn't open earlier.
He'd just be (click) 'Here you go love.' I can't think of many faults!
Maybe I'd have some competition from Bucky who'd just push me down the stairs
out of jealousy or something like that, okay maybe spoiler, he'd go back in time,
to be with his wife in the past and leave me behind.
But overall, he can't be faulted. He's getting an A.
And that A is for America's ass.
Ben. Ben. Benny Boi. From A1. Any lad questioning their sexuality
growing up in the 90's, would have known the confused feelings when looking at
this guy. His hair was a choice, I know.
But back then, it was the coolest thing. Everyone wanted the curtains hair.
Myself and many boys growing up would have private moments in the bathroom-
This sounds really (laughs) I was gonna talk about hair mousse!
That sounded wrong. Private moments in the bathroom, moussing their hair and looking
in the mirror and thinking 'wow'. I kinda wanted to be him, but looking back,
I wanted to kiss him. I'm gonna give him a C. (boing)
Machoke. You might be looking at your phone or your computer
like "What is- what is wrong with you Phil?" I agree
but just hear me out okay? That- That is not a Pokemon!
That just looks like a blue man!
That looks like a sexy blue man! If you're a confused, growing up teenager.
Pokemon trainers go and sleep with their Pikachu, and cuddle it in bed,
you wouldn't cuddle up to your Machoke would you? It'd be weird!
Why would it be weird? Because it looks like a blue man.
I'm sure someone else has made a Machoke me daddy joke, plus side, strong,
gonna bring the money if it win the Pokemon championship, negatives,
it only knows how to say it's own name. So it's not going to be a very
conversational, two-sided relationship. If I'm like 'Hey, lets talk about our
feelings' and then its just like 'Machoke'
Also, I don't know how long Pokemon live. Do they live for about 5 years like a
hamster? Or are they sticking around until the end of time?
I'll be really sad when I'm an old decrepit man and he's the same Machoke
stroking my hair as I pass away.
I'm gonna give it a C-. Will Smith, from the fresh prince of Bell Air
Was it a crush or did I just wanna be him? He was so cool, I strive to look as cool
as him. Looking back on the fashion sense it's still kind of iconic.
He's the reason that I asked my mum for fluorescent pink and green t-shirts.
Which I think has moulded my fashion sense going forward.
I think that's some good taste, I'm gonna give him a B.
Sarah Michelle Geller we've been over this It wasn't a gay crush, I was just fixated
on how incredible she was. She was kicking ass, she was a strong, empowered
woman destroying vampires. And she will always have a special place in my heart,
even if it's not a gay crush, she's getting an A+.
While we're talking about Buffy, if you've never seen it,
she's got two vampire love interests who are Angel and Spike,
both of them had my heart, in different ways.
Spike. Leather jacket, he's a bad boy. That I've always aspired to be.
And could never pull off. (P: Oh my god, this does not suit me) there are a couple
small flaws though, he has killed hundreds of people in the time he's been alive,
not sure I'd be able to look past that one also, he'd make references to things in
the 18th century, like 'you had to be there!'
and we just wouldn't get on. The mass murder is gonna bring him down,
he's gonna get my D. Th- this- this D.
Angel, the other vampire, I did fall for his handsome charms for a while,
but he's far too broody for me. Besides, very caring and loving, would probably
fight to the death for me. Slight negative point, if he was gay, and we ended up
having sex and he had a moment of true happiness, he would lose his soul, murder
me, and try and kill all my friends. That actually happens in the show by the way,
err, its great.
Is it worth it for a one night stand with him? Maybe, he's getting my other D.
Double D for the vampires, sorry guys.
Goku! I watched a bit of Dragon Ball Z growing up, and I definitely had a crush
on Goku. I mean look at him, he's a sexy guy. He bursts out of his clothes when he
gets angry. Also, he's got a lot of hairstyles.
Sometimes he has a monkey tail. You get so many different boyfriends in 1 dating Goku
Negative sides, he's a bit bland if we're being honest.
Also if he was gay and we were making out I feel like he might go Super Saiyan and I
could fly across the room and get injured. Overall, I think he's a catch. He's gettin
a B. Zac Efron, everyone's had a crush on Zac Efron. I'm gonna
do every character he's ever played, maybe not Ted Bundy.
He can sing, he can dance, he's got great hair.
He's got a great face, he seems very friendly.
Here's the thing though, if we are in the High School Musical universe, I wouldn't
want my boyfriend to burst into song at any instance.
I'd be like 'alright let's go, we're late' and he'd be like (sung) I've lost
my keys, where are my k- (spoken) and I'd be like no, Zac, stop, stop it.
Also I feel like he's too perfect, there must be a sinister secret there.
To balance out the universe. Maybe he like wearing socks in the shower, there must be
something. On paper, that was a bit love island, on paper, I can't fault him.
He's getting an A. (boing)
Quite a recent one, Terry from Brooklyn 99 He's so big, I just want him to sweep me
away. As a tall guy, I've never been swept away before.
I just want him to sweep me off his feet, and put me in his pocket.
And he seems really friendly and he's a family man. He's getting an A.
Evan Peters, as a variety of characters.
It depends which one you pick, if we are going American Horror Story Asylum
I'll hang out with the aliens with him all day.
Maybe not cult, I'll avoid that guy.
Wandavision spoilers for the next 20 secs. Pietro specifically I love his silver hair
I want that hair, he'd take me anywhere super fast, we could go to Paris in 20
seconds. But he was inherently evil, and it turned out his name was Bohner,
if we got married, I just don't think I could be called Phil Bohner.
So, we're giving him a D. For the D joke.
And lastly, another one from my childhood it was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
I liked all of 'em. They were just hot to me (laughs) even though they were turtles!
I don't know what's wrong with me, I err, had a problem.
I don't find amphibians attractive now, they were cool, they ate pizza, I wanted
to hand out with them and I wanted to date one of them.
Let's say Donnatello.
I'm gonna give the turtle a T, for turtle
Who's our top 3? We've got Terry from Brooklyn 99, Zac Efron and Captain America
who am I gonna pick? All of them? No. It's gotta be Captain America!
Protect me with that shield, Steve. There we go, that was fun.
If you enjoyed this, please give me a thumbs up, expose any of your strange
crushes in the comment's below so I don't feel as weird, if you haven't checked out
me and Dan on stereo, come to a show, ask us some questions.
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it was a huge mistake, you can subscribe, ding my bell, if you still want to after I
fancying a turtle... Goodbye!