- Honestly, the hardest part of these videos
is deciding what to do with my hair.
(upbeat music)
Yo! What's going on?
Oh my God! It's a Q and A video.
What is happening to the world?
Don't usually do these straight to camera,
this is who I am as a person videos.
But I haven't done a Q and A, in a long time.
And I actually don't mind the honest Q and A's
with like spicier questions,
'cause I feel like they lead to deep conversations.
Without further ado,
here are some questions you asked me
on Twitter and on Instagram,
that I was like, okay.
Let's get into that spicy.
Okay, right off the bat We're going there.
This question is, how did you deal with the criticism
bad reviews about your show on NBC?
Okay, so my answer to be honest,
like I said, honest Q and A,
I usually like to sugar coat things a little bit,
but today it's just going to be like straight up
I'm gonna tell you exactly how I feel, No BS.
You see tweets, you see Instagram posts,
you see all those things.
It's easy to trick yourself into be like,
Oh my God, everyone doesn't like my show,
even this question is phrased in a world
where like, how did you feel about all the bad reviews?
Statistically, from NBC my show way out performed
whatever was in that time slot before.
It is been a success for them.
So let's just get that there.
I'm not saying this show is perfect
and that it's the best thing I've ever made,
I definitely think it should be criticized
there's lots of things to improve,
but I just need to emphasize that statistically for NBC,
this show has been a win.
Of course, I got so many comments from people online,
why are you so not funny on the show?
Why don't you do videos, like how you do these rands,
why don't you do that on the show?
Why are you so loud on the show?
Why aren't your segments funny?
Those critiques and I mean, this is the most respectful way,
are in a way similar to when I watch a basketball game
and I go, Oh, my God! What an idiot.
How could you not make that three point?
I know that I have no idea what it's like
to play on that court and play in the NBA
and be on that team
and shoot from that mark,
but I'm still going to critique it.
I have to be very selective of who I take criticisms from,
because if Fallon or Kimmel or Corden
or someone came up to me and was like,
yo, this is my critique of your show,
I'd be like, oh frig, this person knows exactly
what it's like to make the show.
They know all the obstacles they're informed about this,
let me listen to their opinion.
That doesn't mean I'm not listening to people online,
I am, but it's just so hard because,
99.9% of the time, when someone has a critique,
there's a very valid reason why that is, why that is
Why am I so loud on the show?
It's because my budget is small, my studio is small,
we don't have a built in sound system.
I constantly have to feel like I'm yelling
in order to hear myself over everything else
that's happening in the studio.
Try to divide the criticism that I can actually implement,
versus criticism that's like, Oh, you know what,
Like, there's so many reasons why it can't be this way
and then I have to deal with that.
And that's one of the hardest parts about the show,
I have to deal, with all of these comments
from people who tell me things should be a certain way
without realizing why they can't be that way.
But it's still fun and I'm still grateful
and that's just part of the game.
Next question.
I feel like this video is already 15 minutes. My bad.
Are you and MostlySane friends?
Yo, girl love.
I know everyone always asks me these questions
like, are you doing MostlySane friends?
Are you and Jenna Marbles friends?
Are you and all these people friends?
because you are perhaps expecting me to say an answer
that's tea and there is no tea.
I am completely supportive of every other creator,
especially if they're a woman
and if they've been inspired by me.
I think that's great, why would I not be?
I am her friend.
I hope she's my friend. Are we friends?
We text.
How do you know it's the right time to come out?
Oh, how much time we got in this video?
Can you see my scrunchie though?
this is my scrunchie it matches.
Everybody stop right now, comment about my scrunchie.
Listen, I wish I could sit here
and talk to you if you are struggling
with coming out or your identity.
I wish I could sit here
and tell you that there's a secret recipe,
there's a secret code.
I know when I was going through this,
I wished there was a video
where someone would be like, here's the answer.
There's not, this is my journey.
So please don't, everyone's different right or wrong,
I'm just telling you my journey.
I remember the moment I texted my entire team
saying like, I have to do this I have to tweet.
This was because I went to a really, really big audition.
I don't think I've ever told this story.
It was a month just full of anxiety
cause I had, you know, told a bunch of people in my life
and I was just really struggling during this month.
I'm going to say,
I'm not a pro at auditions, but I'm not horrible.
I'm generally pretty good at auditions
when it comes to remembering my lines at least,
or like being charming, maybe I won't execute the best,
but I am generally pretty good at just like
the basic standard of an audition.
I bombed that audition so badly.
And it was actually in a movie that was with Dwayne.
Dwayne Johnson and so you have to understand
for me, it was so devastating that the whole audition,
all I could think about was, Oh my God, I'm so scared.
Oh my God, I have to come out.
Oh my God, I'm not being my truth
and that's all I was thinking about during the audition,
I actually walked out of the audition.
Like I apologized, I ran out, got some water,
tried to go back and tried to finish it
and I couldn't.
And I got in my car and I broke down completely
and I was like, I need to stop torturing myself,
I need to come out.
And that was what pushed me to come out,
just that breaking point is what I needed
to be like, you need to love yourself,
like you can't live like this.
But it could be different for everyone else
and I think in your own time and in your own way,
you will decide and whatever you decide will be perfect.
Wow! I got a little choked up there.
(growling)
Why do you keep relationships private?
Okay. Without much surprise,
a lot of people ask me about my dating life,
my relationships and I am very private about it
and people will always think it's because,
Oh, why is she like trying to hide this from us?
What's her deal? Like other people are public
about their relationships, this is my opinion.
I don't think having a public relationship
to the extent of like vlogging with people,
having them in your videos.
Other people do this and that's fine, to each their own.
But me personally, I think that is a recipe for disaster.
I think a sacred part of relationships
is having communication and respect.
And I think when you put your relationship
on a public platform, allowing people to comment about it,
like thousands and millions of people to comment about it
and tell you their opinion about it.
Inevitably the respect gets faltered in that relationship.
Inevitably you're giving away control
and giving away respect
and I feel like that is a recipe for disaster.
So I just think it's not fair to the person,
you know, you're with either.
That's my opinion,
so I will always, for the most part,
keep my relationships private,
unless I'm like, yo, I'm about to get married,
we got some kids.
Maybe I might drop a picture and talk about it then,
but until that happens,
I just, yeah, it's not gonna happen.
No offense, uh oh, this is gonna be good.
Are you getting upset you're getting
a lot less views on YouTube?
(gasps) Into my heart.
Open my hair now because I feel like I'm over it.
Yeah, it's no surprise.
I am getting less views on YouTube.
I think my videos back in the day, used to get millions
of views and now they struggle to get to a million.
I still like making content
and I think that technology has changed
in such a way where YouTube is not the place
where I get the most views.
I think I tweeted about this recently too,
which is probably what prompted this question.
I still get the millions of views on Facebook
and on Instagram, my TikTok is growing,
my YouTube has really slowed down.
It is what it is you know.
I think the trade off is that instead of posting
in one place and getting a lot of views,
I post it in multiple places
and probably accumulate the same number of views.
Of course people want to be like,
you're not relevant enough,
you're not relevant on YouTube.
Maybe I'm not, Maybe I am.
I don't know, I can't live my life being governed by views.
Truthfully, does it upset me?
Yeah, of course it always,
I'm always like, Oh my God is my video not funny?
Yada, yada.
But then I post it on Instagram
and it gets views,
so I'm like, okay, whatever it is what it is.
I try not to get too in the weeds about it,
cause again, that's just the recipe to insanity.
I've been there.
I've been there monitoring my views
and making my value associated with views
and I don't want to do that anymore
and so I won't stress about it
until I am really, really struggling
and I'm like, Oh my God, I needed to find another job.
Until then, I'm chilling.
Have you ever dated Humble?
Look in my eyes.
I can genuinely tell you honest Q and A,
I've never dated Humble.
He is my family.
And I know you're asking because I'm always like,
a girl and boy can never just be friends.
No, we are just friends.
Me and Humble's beard on the other hand.
No, I'm kidding.
Never. We have a strictly family relationship.
Can we see your vagena?
Emphasis on vagena with the E.
If you spelled it right,
might've been more turned on,
but with this spelling,
that's a hard pass.
Do you miss Superwoman days?
Y'all I could throw my phone outside my window.
I'm going to say this
and this is probably the a thousandth time I've said this,
but I'm going to say it in the most blunt, possible way
I can say this right now.
There is no difference between me now
and Superwoman days, minus me saying,
what up everyone, it's your girl.
And one love that is a wrap.
What do I wanna say?
One love, uh.
And one love, that is a wrap and zoop.
Other than that, there's no difference.
I still do my characters,
I still do my rants,
I still do reaction reviews,
I do all of those things.
Let this be the final time I say this.
I had to deal with DC, to use Superwoman.
They were very nice about it,
they did not sue me.
I was a stupid kid in 2010 that made my name Superwoman.
I had a deal with them,
I paid them X amount of money.
The deal was for five years.
That deal is done.
So instead of paying them a large sum of money
to keep using Superwoman,
I decided to call myself Lilly.
Just please let me live, Let me be Lilly.
Do you see my scrunchie?
You never really respond to haters
but if you could without holding back,
what would you say?
Ooh!, ho, ho!
I do believe I'm very sassy and witty
and every once in a while, I'm like,
okay, I see your hate comment and I want to respond,
but I won't!
I'm gonna answer this question in two parts.
This is my honest answer.
To haters first,
there's a difference between critique and haters,
disclaimer, disclaimer, yeah, yeah.
I'm talking about people that are just there,
bashing my ish 'cause they're not happy
about where they are in life.
That's who I'm talking about.
Now there's two answers I can give you.
One, is Yo, I have met a lot of successful people
in my life.
That was one great things in my life,
I've met all of my mentors, people that I idolized.
Not a single one of them.
Not even one, spends their time online,
critiquing people or writing mean things.
Even if you said, "Oh, it's not a hate comment,
it's just them critiquing."
I still would say, I've not met one of those people
who has felt the need to go
and criticize someone else's work for any reason.
I don't see a reason why someone would be compelled
to go onto someone's page and be like,
"I just think this could be better because of X, Y, Z."
Because a logical person, if they really felt that way,
they would do it better themselves.
And so you will never be critiqued by someone
who is doing more than you.
Only by people that are doing less.
Now, if I want to look at this from a business standpoint.
Let me just break this down, I have a thought.
Let me just let's do some mathematics, okay?
None of my bags have ever in the history of my career
been affected by hate comments.
But let's go do some math real quick.
I have 3.3 billion views on YouTube, okay?
Now usually my videos get like 2% dislikes,
there's some videos that have like,
or let's just even say some videos
that are like, me trying to be a strong,
empowered woman, have like 50% likes.
Let's just say an average amount
and this is still probably way exaggerated.
Let's just say of all those 3.3 billion views,
I had 15% thumbs down.
15% of 3.3 billion.
495 million thumbs downs.
Let's assume the thumbs downs are haters.
People that have the notifications on to be like dislike.
Now, when you get paid for views,
you get paid in units of a thousand views.
So I'm going to take this number
of thumbs downs, which represents views, okay?
And I'm going to divide it by 1,000.
495,000.
Let's say CPM.
If you don't know that that's like
the amount of money you get per thousand views,
it can range from $1, $1.50 to $2.
It can range, okay?
Let's just say that I got $1.50 cents,
which is like an average, one per a thousand views, okay?
So now I'm going to times this number by 1.5.
That would mean that people over the span of my career
who have thumbs down my videos,
not to say they're all haters,
but let's just for the sake of this argument of simple math,
say that they were haters, they gave me a view,
they thumbs down my video.
Over the span of my career,
that means that those people would have contributed
to $742,000 in my pocket.
That is my answer to haters, okay?
While you were out there hating on people,
they are collecting the bag.
Thank you.
Look at my scrunchie.
What are your honest thoughts
about Jenna Marbles leaving YouTube?
Okay, dang! This is an intense question, I won't lie.
Jenna Marbles is one of the people that inspired me
to make YouTube videos.
I looked at her videos
and because of her videos,
I was like, wow, she can do it. I can do it.
My success is 100% founded,
partially on the fact that Jenna Marbles existed.
I think there's many other people like me out there
that can sit there and say, I make videos
because of Jenna Marbles.
She has probably single handedly have given birth
to a generation or generations of creators
who have then gone and turned and done amazing things.
I'm one person I've done my fair share of charity work
and helping people, now imagine all the other people
that Jenna Marbles has helped
and inspired to create and incredible things they have done.
So she as a person's probably responsible
for so much good in this world.
Yes people make mistakes.
I know she apologized,
I also know it's not my position to accept her apology
because I am not of that group to which she apologize to.
I'm not a black person.
I will say, as a person who is just watching as a spectator,
I do feel that her apology was genuine.
Again, it's not mine to accept or not accept,
solely based on the fact that she has inspired
so many people and then those people have done great things.
I think there's a great loss to YouTube,
that she's not there.
Having said that,
I think she should do whatever makes her happy.
That girl deserves to be happy.
She truly does.
She is a G.O.A.T. And nothing is changing that.
But then, its not up to me accept that apology or not,
so it is what it is, but from a human standpoint,
I do hope she's doing very well.
Is it easy to handle the celebrity life?
I can give you a really deep answer here,
but my truthful answer is yes and no.
There's certain things about being a celebrity
that are really great, I'm not even like a celebrity,
I'm like a semi-celebrity honestly,
if we're just being real, I'm not that famous.
There are some things that are great.
You can easily make people's day,
you get to do dope things,
but there's some things that are horrible.
You get judged constantly,
you get canceled,
people don't treat you like a human.
There's pros and cons to everything.
Have I thought about being a farmer instead?
Absolutely.
What's the one thing that people have always misunderstood
about you?
It's not lost on me,
all the quirks about me.
Like when people say like,
Hey, you talk very weird.
Or like, they don't even say weird
I don't know what word they use,
like why do you talk like that?
Or why are you so loud?
Like, do you think that's lost on me?
Do you not think I know how I sound.
Do you not think I know I'm loud.
Do you not think I know I blink a lot when I think?
I know all of these things.
The biggest misunderstanding people have
is that I'm trying to be something I'm not.
I think when they see me, a brown woman
and then I'm like, yo everybody, what's?
And I talk this way or I dress a certain way or I'm loud.
I think people genuinely believe,
that I'm trying to put on an act
to be a certain way.
Where really, it has taken years for me
to be fully who I am.
The first videos where you saw me all proper
and like being weird, that was not me.
This right here is 110% me.
And then people always say,
well, how come when you're on Fallon
then you don't act like that,
you just turn it on and off?
That's because when I'm on Fallon, I'm not being me.
I'm nervous, okay?
This is me right here,
y'all what's going on, it your girl.
Ask any of my friends, that's the real me.
So the biggest misunderstanding
is that I'm trying to be someone I'm not,
when really I'm just authentically being 110%
who I actually am without any hesitation.
This is the last one I'll do and it's a doozy.
It is, how do you feel when
and I'm going to read it as it's written.
How do you feel when whites try to be cultured
but end up being racist?
I don't know how to not make this answer 20 minutes.
I don't think you can generalize people in any group
to say like, why are whites?
Just like you can't say,
why are blacks?
I understand there's the argument
of like, but they're the majority.
You still cannot group all white people into one group.
I don't think that is right.
You cannot roup all men into one group either.
I get it, the world is in a space right now
and it's a great space.
I know we're all like, 2020, is so stressful.
It's also great, 'cause people are being forced to learn,
people are standing up for things they believe in,
so the silver lining is like,
yo, ish is gonna happen because of this moment as well.
I think right now everyone's in a process of education
and understanding how to be better.
And I'll just speak for my behalf,
not anyone else's.
As a woman of color,
has there been scenarios where white people have said things
to me that are insensitive? 100%.
Other groups have said some things to me
that are insensitive.
I've had people, other minority groups say,
dude, I'm bi.
I've had people in the gay community,
say things to me, being like being bi is not a real thing.
That's an oppressed group,
targeting another minority group.
Like it's very, it's very strange to me,
but what I will say is that people need education, yes
but I really believe the way of doing it
through cancel culture is not the way.
Like being like, Hey, you're part of this group
and like, you guys are the problem.
I just, I just don't think that's the way,
I think critical conversation,
understanding honest mistakes versus blatant hate,
is very important.
I don't think this type of like,
let's be angry and cancel everyone who's ever made a mistake
is the way to go. I really don't.
I think it's the short term reaction
and it's satisfying to see someone canceled on Twitter
but I think in the longterm that results in nothing
and I think we have to have the mindset
of like educating people with compassion.
Allowing people the space to make mistakes
so that we can call them out
then have a conversation about it.
But if you say like, Hey, you guys are white
and you're canceled cause you don't get this
and you're trying, you're trying
but really your result is ending up in you being racist.
It's like, how are they ever going to improve
if we don't give them the space to do that?
And maybe this is coming from someone
who has also made mistakes.
I think we've all made mistakes.
If you're sitting there genuinely canceling people,
claiming that you've never made a mistake, you're lying.
You know? And there's probably a hundred things
you could be canceled for.
With that, I'm gonna end this video got very deep.
It might be 30 minutes long.
Do you like this, do not like this?
Let me know in the comments below.
If you want me to do another one comment in the below
some spicy questions.
I thought these were spicy.
There was no my favorite color, so frig.
Hopefully you liked it too.
Subscribe if you like this video,
honest QA, I lose subscribers every day.
Don't give an F.
If you like this video subscribe
and maybe they'll go up a little bit.
If not, I will still be here making the content.
After that, yo, I love you.
Go to the end card.
Yo! I hope you enjoyed that.
Why do I do this?
I'm just gonna repeat everything I just said,
but hey, this is the end card.
(beatboxing)
♪ Thumbs up. ♪
(beatboxing)
♪ Look at my. ♪
I dropped my scrunchie.