- I was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis
when I was four months old.
It's like having a cold or the flu
that never goes away.
And eventually it leads to needing
a double lung transplant, or you pass away.
I'm Travis Flores.
I live with cystic fibrosis,
and I am in need of a third double lung transplant.
I think the first thing I need to say
about growing up with a chronic condition,
and even living with it now, is that
the majority of chronic illnesses are invisible.
You would never know by looking at me now,
at least I hope, that I'm in this position of dying.
(gentle chiming music)
For the most part as a child,
I lived a happy, normal life.
My parents did a wonderful job,
and my two brothers did an incredible job
at supporting me and making sure
that I felt normal.
I didn't quite understand that I was sick
until the moments I was in the hospital.
But when I was a teenager, I started coughing up blood.
And that was a real turning point with my understanding of
this was going to take a toll on my life,
and it wasn't going to be easy,
and that I had a condition that by definition
could shorten my life.
And without the third double lung transplant,
I won't survive.
When I went through the first transplant,
and I survived, I decided I can't hide who I am.
It gave me an eye opening to who I needed to become.
Cystic fibrosis, for the longest time,
I've said, "I don't live for it, I live with it."
And I think there's a difference there.
And I used to say that it didn't define me, as well.
But I believe that given the fact
I have survived and overcome so much,
I think it does, in a way, define who I am.
A lot of times, people try to put adjectives
into association with me, like inspiration or brave,
you know, all these amazing words
that I'm very, very humbled by.
But I really believe one of the strongest
adjectives about myself is cystic fibrosis survivor.
I think that's important, and I'm proud of that.
The second transplant really is where things changed.
It was because I had a very close encounter with death.
In 2017,
I was in the hospital.
I had two collapsed lungs,
tubes in my chest, every breath was labored.
I told my mom to
get the nurse.
I knew what was happening.
I was going to die.
And that moment, it was now.
My mom even knew, I think.
She got up in the middle of the night,
and she didn't hesitate.
She just got up,
and she didn't break eye contact with me.
It was like she needed to make sure I was okay,
every step she took.
Really, the last thing
I remember saying was, "Mom, I'm sorry,"
or something like that.
And then, "I'm dying."
And I just blacked out.
And it was the most remarkable,
beautiful, merciful feeling
I have ever experienced in my life.
And I wanna know what that was.
After that long of fighting,
what would have happened if I kept going?
When I came through it, I was different.
I've just become so grateful
for life, and I've realized
that I don't have any control of time.
So my time that I do have,
I'm gonna spend it living in the present moment,
and when that time comes that I'm not here,
I just wanna be at peace.
And I want my family to have peace,
because this has been a really...
It's been a really long battle,
and they deserve that.
I deserve that.
I think about death every day.
Every single day.
But the way I view death
is very different.
I would say for the majority of my life,
I associated fear with death.
I definitely was scared of the unknown,
and I think that that is a lot of why people fear death.
I was scared of the religious aspect.
Did I do everything right in this life,
so that I could have this amazing experience
in the afterlife?
But I wish I would have had the understanding
of death that I have now, earlier.
Because I see death as this beautiful experience
that I get to share with every other person in this world.
It unites every one of us.
I view death as the neighbor next door,
who constantly is coming over
and knocking at my door with cookies,
and I'm just not home.
(chuckles)
I don't answer the door.
I don't go and get the cookies.
But one day, I will open the door,
and welcome in that neighbor,
and have a wonderful plate of cookies, and be happy.
I think our society puts way too much attention
into finding
absolute answers.
At the end of the day, life is not going to be
an absolute answer to something.
I think life is about finding the gratitude
and beauty in every situation,
so that in the end, whenever that is,
you don't look back and go, "Why did I spend
"all that time upset about those little things?"
Having gone through what I've gone through,
I try my best to put more of my energy
into love, and I think that my life now,
moving forward, is all about securing time,
and to have more time with my baby niece,
who will be a year old in just a month,
my parents, my brothers, and my husband.
It's about that.
(soft gentle music)