Modern science has shown that alcohol is responsible for 99.2% of all the world's sins.
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World
‘It’s a well founded organisation that will change the world’
I wish.
‘Come into my laboratory, I’d like to show you something’
Now there’s an invitation you can’t refuse.
‘This calls for a drink’
Unlike his contemporary, Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff seems to have had some sort of quality control over the films he made
and so has avoided the Dark Corners treatment
‘So what brings you here’
until now.
‘Then do what you must do...
but don't go too far’
Isle of the snake people was one of 4 pictures Karloff made for a Mexican company just before his death,
although his scenes were shot in Hollywood as he was too frail to travel,
or indeed appear in the films more than fleetingly.
‘What?!’
Which is why at the end of Snake People his voice is dubbed by someone else,
but don’t worry, you barely even notice
KARLOFF: You think this misarable pig could be master of the legion of the dead?
DUB: Continue the sacrifice.
I’m wrong aren’t I, that’s fucking awful
‘You are a charlatan, A fraud’
The problem is, this film is built and sold around a man who needed an oxygen tank to breathe
and without him, it’s quite hard to care
‘That remains to be seen’
The story follows hardline police Captain, LaBiche
‘I am the law Herr Van Molder’
who has come to knock the voodoo out of the natives!
‘I shall put a stop to this’
clearly not a hero.
The other option is Lieutenant Wilhelm
‘Interfering with these people’s religion is playing with fire’
All very laudable, but can we agree this particular religion wants watching
Surely between the captain who thinks it’s ok to torture the natives
'Tell us who killed Mingle?'
and the lieutenant who thinks it’s ok to let them kill each other as long as it’s within their religion.
‘She was beaten to death’
there’s some sensible middle ground!
‘It’s neither here nor there’
I wouldn’t mind if they weren’t also incompetent: they try to infiltrate a voodoo ritual,
here’s everyone else
here’s the police blending in
‘Alright I only hope it works’
Let’s find out.
And the heroine doesn’t help matters
‘The fire of the sunset in your eyes is consuming my heart’
‘Lieutenant, are you making advances?’
Too subtle?
'Only death could keep me from you.'
The zombies aren’t always as threatening as you’d like
and the statue of the snake goddess they keep using
is Minoan and has as much to do with voodoo as my left buttock
‘That is quite obvious’
but generally the voodoo stuff is satisfyingly weird
‘I don’t understand, what is this voodoo’
whether it’s zombie back rubs
a girl having a brief lesbian encounter with herself
Or the single creepiest line ever
‘You don’t feel dead’
There’s a lot of fun stuff here
‘Voodoo, zombies, cannibal women’
which I think I’d enjoy if I wasn’t trying to figure out what the fuck is going on
‘Who knows?’
what’s the deal with the dwarf voodoo priest?
why does this randomly pop up halfway through?
and why would you want a coffin with a window
A tomb with a view
‘The humour seems rather grim.’
I donl’t mind the crapness, I mind that it’s dul
‘Oh no’
That said, the random wacky moments and Karloff’s stately presence
do make it better than much of Bela Lugosi’s output
‘That’s enough’
Poor guy can’t catch a break.
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What's your favourite Karloff film? Let us know in the comments below.
Leave this forgotten Island in peace.