'I Feel like I'm in the presence of some great idiot.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this sick world.
‘If I see one more Japanese monster movie I think I’ll go crazy’
Trust me, I know how you feel.
‘What are you watching?’
We’re watching Ganjasaurus Rex.
‘Herbivorous ganjasuarus rex lives!’
Hmm, Dr Clayton Forrester.
Now, there are some hints that this film is not to be taken entirely seriously,
like the title,
and the acting,
and the creature itself.
It’s basically a Godzilla spoof.
‘I’m here to check this production isn’t violating any of the Godzilla copyright’
'Oh yes certainly.'
and you’re just doing a first rate job;
'In prehistoric times a single egg was presereved in the mineral ooze off the coast of Japan.’
‘Searching for his ancient flora, his ancient environment of huge aromatic plants’
So Godzilla left Japan because he couldn’t get stoned?
‘What is this a joke’
Who says there’s no original ideas left in movies?
‘You’ll probably think it’s dumb’
Probably, but let’s not jump to conclusions, I have no problem with a spoof monster movie,
but the best spoofs (Young Frankenstein, Airplane etc) are well acted and sharply written.
‘We are trying to do a wonderful job’
Try harder.
‘What I’m trying to tell you is I’m going for broke’
Obviously these guys didn’t have much money,
‘Money!’
And even less technical competence, making for a film with production values hovering around the home video level.
'Do you have statistic on the success of this program compared to other states.'
But that doesn’t excuse some pretty basic errors.
‘There’s no sun here’
It’s right there on the left, was it that much effort to find shade?!
Sometimes you can actually see the moment the director called action.
‘Wow’
But that doesn’t matter does it? Cos it’s a bad movie, it’s meant to be a bad movie, that’s the joke.
‘You know where I’m coming from’
No! You can’t deliberately make a film that so bad it’s good.
‘I’m certain this is the case’
And the one thing films like that can’t be is dull.
‘What exactly are you talking about?’
Ganjasaurus Rex himself is amusingly crap.
But his screentime totals up to about 60 seconds of a 90 minute movie
and when he’s offscreen the film is interminable.
If you’re thinking a movie with this title will at least be fun think again.
This is the most boring film I’ve ever seen.
‘I am sympathetic with you’
The characters are cut outs.
'I need results Winchester and I need them soon.'
The story is unengaing,
‘please don’t nuke us’
and the jokes are non-existent!
‘Quiet please, I’m on the verge of something big’
#Toilet flushes#
Seriously, this is spoof, and it has less humour than My Left Foot!
'Speak... speak.'
And I don’t mean the movie.
‘God is on our side’
This is a pen.
This is a sheet of paper.
They are both inexpensive enough to suit the lowest budget
and if you apply one to the other using more than a tenth of your brain
you can come up with a script better than this hateful, boring,
wilfully unfunny exercise in self aggrandising futility.
'I feel like I am in the presence of some great power.'
I don’t care if it was just a bit of fun with your mates,
if you had enough spare time to make this I can think of about a billion things that you would have been better off doing.
‘Once you let one teeny weeny, itty bitty negative thought into your consciousness’
Oh shut up!
‘What would we do without marijuana?’
All the film achieves is to prove conclusively that weed really doesn’t help the creative process.
‘Maybe I should get a job’
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