Adult Swim Yule Log (2022): Hey what's up guys. Today I'll
show you a horror film: "Adult Swim Yule Log"! Spoilers ahead; watch out and take care!
The movie begins with an elongated shot of a fireplace, with calming music playing in the
background. then we hear a landlady entering her giant cabin. She starts cleaning the place with
her vacuum cleaner, but gets interrupted when she hears knocking on the door. The landlady goes to
open the door, and meets a Crazy Mother, who asks if she can use the phone. The landlady is a bit
skeptical because Crazy Mother should have a cell phone with her. Suddenly, Crazy Mother's giant
son, named Psycho, shows up and forcefully enters the house. He's wearing a creepy mask to cover his
ugly face, and then he chases after the landlady. Psycho finally catches her. he drops his mask
before assaulting the landlady. Once everything is done, Crazy Mother asks her psycho son if he
is sane and happy; but he's actually upset because the landlady wasn't the woman that he wanted to
be his wife. Crazy Mother tries to clean up the mess made by her son, while he starts throwing
the landlady's clothes into the fire to get rid of the evidence. However, the criminals
hear someone driving in, so they quickly run from the scene, and drag the landlady's body away. Now,
a couple enters the cabin, and notices that the fireplace is still on. The woman, Zoey,
is surprised that the house hasn't burned down, and her boyfriend, Alex, is relieved about it.
Zoey goes to pee her wastewater, but not to extinguish the fire at the fireplace. Then
Alex reveals that everything seen so far has been a video recording of a camera he left behind.
Alex zooms out to get a better view of the room, and then he brings out some wine to cheer up Zoey.
The couple gets into a weird conversation, where Alex compares his smelly part to a cork. He then
invites Zoey to come and play a hormone yoga with him on the bear rug; but she refuses because the
camera is still on. Alex says that Zoey can start an online video career, and he tries to convince
her to get freaky with him on top of the bear rug. Zoey covers it with a cloth, because she doesn't
want it to see what's going to happen next. The couple kisses for a bit, and Alex asks Zoey if
she wants a snack. She thinks it dirty; but he actually reveals to the camera that he's going to
ask her to marry him. Now, Alex brings some food, and acts like he's pulled a muscle. Zoey looks for
some medicine, but Alex abruptly proposes to her. Right then, the camera keeps blurring the couple,
allowing us to see the reflections of Crazy Mother and her Psycho son peeping on them.
Alex wants an answer to his proposal; but Zoey leaves him hanging and doesn't say anything. The
couple is interrupted by a Sheriff, who drops by to ask if they've seen anything suspicious.
He reveals that he found a woman's body beaten and strangled to death, and he invites himself inside
the cabin along with his Junior Cop. Sheriff spots the burning log, and says that it belongs to a
hanging tree, where slaves used to be hanged. Alex and Zoey are shocked to hear this, and Junior Cop
explains that the hanging tree is also considered to be a demon tree that feeds on fear. However,
Sheriff tells him to stop his bullshit, and asks for some water. Zoey gives Sheriff the water,
and he uses it to douse the burning log. Sheriff asks the couple not to light the log anymore,
but Junior Cop jokes by saying that there are aliens around the area as well. The couple
continues their painfully awkward conversation with Sheriff and Junior Cop; after that, Junior
Cop spots the camera. He finds out that Alex is an online blogger, who has millions of views and
starts to reconsider his career options. Sheriff suggests deleting any footage of the burning log,
and he finally goes away along with Junior Cop. Suddenly, we see some ghost kids,
who seem to have lived in this cabin during an earlier era. Alex thinks that Sheriff is stupid
for believing in superstitious nonsense; but Zoey is worried because she has seen too many true
crime documentaries. Alex tries to reassure Zoey by getting comfy with her body, but she is not
in the mood anymore, and it pisses him off. Alex asks Zoey once more if she wants to marry him, but
she says that she's too freaked out about marriage because of her constant anxiety. Zoey worries that
she'll suck the life out of Alex, but he says that he wants to be with her despite her paranoia.
Zoey's anxiety shoots through the roof; so Alex suggests increasing her medication. This upsets
Zoey, and she goes on a rant, talking about how the world is dying, and she cannot raise a child
in this hell hole. Alex tells her to calm down, and reasons that every era of time seems shitty
when you're living in it. Zoey fails to find reason in his logic; but then Alex gets romantic,
so Zoey suggests going to the hot tub. However, they hear someone at the door, and find a group
of travelers consisting of Skinny, Blondie, Hippie, and Babe. It turns out that this group
has actually double-booked the cabin, along with Alex and Zoey. To make matters worse, the
couple learns that the group has taken a lot of edibles, so they won't be able to drive anywhere
tonight. Alex and Skinny call the landlady, but the phone starts ringing inside the cabin. Zoey
follows the buzzing sound, and finds the cell phone under the couch. She starts to freak out,
and wants to call Sheriff; but Alex isn't too keen on it. He eventually agrees to do so,
and then Skinny learns about the suspected murders in the area. He goes on to reveal that his group
does murder podcasts; but Zoey doesn't care about it. Skinny and his group try to light up the log,
after learning that Alex's video channel shows stuff like burning yule logs. However,
Zoey tells them not to do it because of the curse. Alex calls Sheriff, while the podcast group
talks about aliens in old lynching photos. Unfortunately, Alex is told to call back the next
day if the landlady doesn't show up for her phone. This leads to an argument between the two groups,
and then we see a series of intertwined scenes, seemingly of people that used to live in this
cabin during different eras. We now see a man named Isaac, being fed corn bread by
his Assistant. Isaac compliments Assistant's corn bread, and then he asks her to come sit
next to him, probably for some romance. However, he reveals that he couldn't get Assistant's son
sold to a client of her choice. both of them get into an argument,
and then we are taken back to the two groups in the present day. After discussing room allotment,
the podcast group mentions the hot tub, so Babe decides to take off her hormone outfit
in front of everyone. Alex wants to join Babe and Blondie in the hot tub, despite them being smelly;
but Zoey tells him to go upstairs and unpack. Everyone leaves the fireplace; but suddenly, the
logs start burning again. the shot switches to a POV of a log, which checks out Babe's body before
going upstairs. The log enters the bathroom, and spots Skinny taking a skinny shower. It ends his
skinny life by smashing his face. Now the log goes back to the fireplace, and watches the podcast
group coming back from the hot tub. Babe is teased about her dating life, and then Hippie changes
the topic by asking Alex how much he makes from his videos. Alex says that he's a hustler with
multiple income sources; so Hippie talks about being a freelance photographer as well. However,
Babe teases him, saying that he's a useless drug dealer. Now, Blondie starts flirting with Alex,
using her blond body; but Zoey drops by, and mentions that the log is burning again. The others
don't care about it. Hippie then gives an edible to Alex. This upsets Zoey, so she goes to bed.
Hippie asks what Zoey's problem is, so Alex explains how one day, Zoey's colleague got killed
in the middle of a job that Zoey was originally supposed to do. As Alex continues, Hippie's edible
hits him, and he sees the bear rug staring into his eyes. Then, he spots an old man named Oldie,
calling him to enter the fireplace. Hippie is skeptical at first, but decides to crawl through
the fireplace, because Alex's story about his girlfriend is getting too boring. He surprisingly
makes it through without getting burned, and then Oldie offers him a drink. There are other
people inside this place, bloody and smiling; but Oldie tells Hippie not to worry about them,
as he has his own path. Now Oldie invites Hippie inside a Time Machine, that takes
them through different time zones. they can see various families through the fireplace's POV,
and Oldie tells Hippie that he can help him change his hip-hop life. He takes Hippie to the time when
his mom was 8 months pregnant with him, and says that he needs to write A + + on a piece of paper,
and stick it on the fridge if he wants to have a better future. Hippie is doubtful about his
chances, but goes ahead and completes the task. He comes back feeling accomplished; but then,
Oldie tells him that he messed up because he's holding a kitchen knife. It turns out, Hippie
has actually killed his own mom, and he vanishes out of thin air, because he no longer exists.
Back to the podcast group, we see Hippie being replaced by a new man, and then Blondie goes
to check up on Skinny. She finds his dead body and panics, so the group rushes to the scene.
They try to call the cops; but the log attacks Blondie, ending her blond life; after that,
the alternative Hippie tries to douse it, possibly using his pee. But He gets killed in time,
so Zoey and the other two rush upstairs. Zoey calls the cops to alert them about what
happened, but is unable to give them an address. She also learns that there's no Sheriff in this
town, and she starts to panic. The log floats in front of the window, and breaks into the room;
so the group rushes away. Zoey and Alex hide inside a closet, while Babe is seemingly
attacked outside. Zoey mentions that she saw Sheriff sprinkling something on the log earlier,
and suspects that he's cursed them. However, Alex doesn't believe her,
and starts planning a movie based on this incident, hoping it will be shown in theatres,
rather than on Daniel CC Movie channel. Suddenly, the log shows up, and breaks into the closet,
causing the couple to run for their shitty life. but then, they're attacked by Crazy Mother and
her Psycho son. Babe and Zoey are tied up and presented to Psycho as his potential wives,
while Crazy Mother eats some cheese in front of Alex. Psycho teases the girls in a tense sequence,
and eventually chooses Babe as his first candidate. He starts to assault her in front
of Zoey, while Crazy Mother forces Alex to eat her cheese. She explains that she wants Psycho to have
a child, but laments that he keeps murdering the women she finds for him. Crazy Mother teases Alex
by saying Zoey doesn't want to marry him; but Alex tries to convince her that Psycho
can still meet a nice girl with an honest job. Crazy Mother plays along to give Alex some hope;
but then she continues with her taunting. By now, Psycho has finished assaulting Babe,
and he goes for Zoey. He flexes his muscles by breaking an axe, and then reveals his muscular but
smelly sausage. Suddenly, the scene transitions back to Isaac and his Assistant, where Isaac
explains that he had no other choice but to sell her son to an evil businessman instead of a nice
one. However, Assistant wraps him up in a cloth and stabs him, while screaming that the son also
belongs to Isaac. It turns out, the cursed log is actually filled with the souls of all the people
who have been around it. The log attacks Psycho before he assaults Zoey; and a brief showdown
follows. It ends with the log smacking Psycho out of the cabin, and Psycho runs after the log
into the mountains. Now Crazy Mother starts to assault Alex, but then some blue lights appear.
Alex thinks it's the cops, but it's actually an alien spaceship. Suddenly, an alien arrives
and kills Crazy Mother by draining her blood with his disgusting gun. Alex tries to reason with the
alien; but he gets attacked as well. the alien moves toward the girls; but Babe plays dead,
so Zoey becomes the target. Another montage shows some memories of all the families of the cabin,
and then we see a knife dropping in front of Zoey. Suddenly, Psycho shows up, and kills the
alien with his axe; then he tries to assault Zoey because he thinks that she loves him.
Unluckily, Zoey stabs him right in his muscular sausage, ending his psychopathic life. She then
goes to Alex, who is somehow still alive. She frees him, and the couple is about to
escape in their car; but the log arrives again. Zoey goes back inside, and tries to free Babe;
but Oldie appears once more. He brings Zoey into his fire room, and tries to trick her
into changing the past, just like he did with Hippie. Now, Oldie takes Zoey to the time just
before she was conceived by her parents. He says that she can interrupt her parents' hormone yoga,
to give another sperm a chance to live her life. Zoey doesn't give in to Oldie's deception,
and says she wants to live; but Oldie scolds her for her moral double standards. He also
takes her knife away, and reveals that it belonged to him all along. Things are about to get tricky;
but luckily, Alex shows up with a stick, and frees Zoey. Alex and the two girls try to
escape in the car, but realize that the keys are still inside the cabin. Zoey retrieves the keys;
but Babe runs away into the forest. After finally starting the car, the couple drives away, but they
run into Sheriff, who is actually the leader of an evil cult worshipping the hanging tree. It is
also implied that Assistant was killed on this tree as can be seen in a flashback. Zoey loses
her patience, and kills Sheriff, before driving away. The couple celebrates their achievement;
but the log pops up behind them. Now, we see Isaac and his Assistant in an alternative reality, where
Assistant is Isaac's boss and girlfriend. They plan on leaving work early to have a good time,
and even Psycho is there, but as a repairman. Suddenly, the trio realizes that they are in
an illusion, as everything starts to burn around them. It turns out, Isaac is actually the younger
version of Oldie, and he has been cursed to spend the rest of eternity inside the log.
The movie ends with the log breaking into the car, and killing both Zoey and Alex.
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