Mark: The one secret to never wasting your time on the wrong guy again and finding a
committed love that's right for you. Today, I'm going to be sharing the mistake that 99%
of women are making that's filtering the wrong guys into their life and seeing them waste
years with these men. I've got Dr. Benjamin Ritter here with me, introduced by a mutual
friend, actually Jason Silva from Attract Great Guys. Ben is an internal leadership
coach here in Chicago and what that basically means is that he helps leaders align to the
internal values and he also works with a lot of dating relationship clients. In fact, you
actually did that for five or six years.
Ben: Yep. Right?
Mark: So yeah, a long time. And we got onto the topic of values and I really wanted to
share this with you because I've never shared this before and it's super, super powerful.
It's the number one mistake that that is leading women to spending a hell of a lot of wasted
time with a guy that frankly doesn't deserve you. So Ben, what is this mistake and how
do you, how do you help your clients with this?
Ben: Well, way too often, clients come up to me and they say, I'm constantly in these
three or relationships and they just, they just always end and I always feel like I picked
the wrong guy. Yeah. And so it just too often women get into relationships trying to create
the right relationship. They're waiting for relationship values. So the number one mistake
that women make is waiting for relationship values. They focus on chemistry first. They
focus on personal values first, and then hope, hope that this guy wants to stay in a relationship
as them, that is, that is going to have the traits that they need to create a longterm
successful, happy relationship.
Mark: Yeah. And I talk about this concept with my clients all the time. It's like there's,
there's these three areas which is chemistry and then there's the compatibility, and then
there's the relationship skills and they're often done in that order. And women come years
later and say, how do I have him show up for me? How do I have him support me, trust me
or how do I build that in our relationship? And if they'd filtered for that from the very
first day, it would have never spent two years with that person.
Ben: And that's, that's when you start hearing, you know, he'll, he'll change. Yeah. You know,
it'll change. It's gonna change it. How can you change, you know? And that's also when
you start hearing like, Oh, it just wasn't the right time. Yeah. And none of those things
are correct. It really is, they started dating someone with the hope that they would just,
you know, just develop and display these relationship values later on. And I'm not talking about,
you know, does he want, you know, marriage and kids with me.
Mark: But what are some examples, like good examples of relationship values?
Ben: Well, trust is a big one. And trust is really, really can be called consistency.
Yeah. Because it's hard. It's hard to say, is this person trustworthy right away? But
are they consistently there? Are they backing up their words? Right, right. Can I believe
this person when they say something.
Mark: 100% there's support, is this guy going to get behind me? There's boundaries. Oh yeah,
is this, does this person have great values I can connect with? There's interdependency,
which shows a grown man who can empathize without necessarily sympathizing. That's really
important.
Ben: Does he respect you? Does he respect you? Does he respect you? Does he respect
the people around him as well? Yeah, I mean, so a lot of these values can, can be seen
not just from how he treats you, but how he treats the world around him. And because of
that, that means that he's developed and learn these values and can and can integrate them
within his relationships from now on. But sometimes you meet a guy, any he seems great,
right? He's great on paper and you're instantly emotionally connected to him.
Mark: Even compatibilities there.
Ben: But he just doesn't have that education yet. In terms of relationships.
New Speaker: What we're talking about is, what kind of relationship do I want to build?
It's going to need these relationship values and then filtering for those from the very
beginning, and in the next video that we're going to publish tomorrow, we're going to
show you exactly how to do that for each of these important relationship values. For right
now, the key takeaway is this, don't leave relationship values until six months in 12
months in. Start to attune yourself to be spotting these from the very first date and
I say click the link below this time tomorrow we're going to show you exactly how to do
that, but when you're filtering those from the beginning, it's kind of like bringing
the model of the relationship in from the beginning and then you can be present, right?
No agenda but you're present and filtering actively for the guy that's going to still
produce a great relationship three, four, 10 years from now.
Ben: Is the house there. That's like what I like to say. Is the house there for the
relationship? Before you enter in and started dating this guy more, does he have the foundation
built, the house built that you want to live in for a relationship and if he doesn't,
Mark: Don't, don't be trying to move in there and fix the house. So important. Ben, thanks
so much for coming in. Thank you so much for having to be my Chicago friend. If you want
to find out more about Ben, you can head to benjamin-ritter.com we'll put the link in
the description below. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Don't waste more time. Don't
be the next client that comes to me in three years from now saying, I've just spent another
three years with a guy who can't build the relationship house even though everything
else was good. Have you had this experience? I'd love to hear about. I'll get Ben to answer
some comments as well. Leave it in the comments space below. Give the video a big thumbs up.
Hit the big red subscribe button with the little bell, and we will see you in the next
video on how to do these practical methods to spot this from the very first day tomorrow.
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