(APPLAUSE) >> HI.
(APPLAUSE) >> THANKS, EVERYBODY, THANK YOU.
THANKS A LOT.
I APPRECIATE THAT.
I GOT A GUITAR HERE SO I AM GOING TO TELL JOKES WHILE I PLAY
PIE GUITAR.
IT'S GOODS FOR TV BECAUSE IF THERE IS SILENCE I CAN JUST PLAY
THROUGH IT.
(LAUGHTER) I LOVE PLAYING GUITAR, ACTUALLY.
I'M A COMIC BUT I STARTED AS A STREET PERFORMER.
DIDN'T GO THAT WELL AM I WAS ON A CUL-DE-SAC SO IT WAS KIND OF
ROUGH BUT IF SOMEBODY MADE I YOU TURN I HAD THEM FOR AWHILE.
YEAH, SOUNDS GOODS.
I THINK IT'S COOL THE WAY FLASH MOBS CAME AND WENT SO QUICKLY AS
A PHENOMENON.
WHAT HAPPENED WITH NUMBER ONE PENCILS AM I FEEL LIKE THEY BLEW
IT.
SOMEBODY SLEEPS POORLY THEY SAY THEY TOSSED AND TURNED.
AND I DEFINITELY HAD A ROUGH NIGHT SLEEP BEFORE WHERE I
TURNED QUITE A BIT BUT I NEVER SLEPT SO POORLY THAT I WAS
THROWING THINGS AROUND THE ROOMMENT I WAS TALKING TO MY
FRIEND.
I SAID WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME.
HE SAID I HAVE TWO MIDDLE FLAMES. I SAID THEP YOU HAVE NO
MIDDLE NAMES.
(APPLAUSE) (APPLAUSE)
YEAH YOU HAVE A SPACE.
NEARLY ONE HALF OF ALL AMERICANS ARE TORSOS.
THANKS, JAMES.
APPRECIATE THAT. I WAS SEEING OTHER DAY RAPPER IS SUCH A WEIRD
JOB TITLE.
RAPPER, SOUNDS LIKE A WORD WE ALREADY HAVE, YOU KNOW, LIKE
CANDY WRAPPERS.
WHY RATHER.
AND THEN I WAS LIKE OH, BECAUSE THE ALTERNATIVE IS RAPID.
ALL RIGHT, YEAH, I WILL TAKE THAT.
THANKS.
HOW BAD DOES A GUESS HAVE TO BE FOR IT TO COUNT AS AN UNEDUCATED
GUESS.
DO YOU KNOW THE TEMPERATURE OUTSIDE?
I WASN'T GOING TO DO THAT JOKE TONIGHT, AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE.
(LAUGHTER) I REGRET IT.
OKAY.
THE OTHER DAY I WAS THINKING THAT I TEND TO OVERTHINK THINGS
AND THEN I WAS LIKE, DO I THOUGH?
ALL RIGHT.
I WILL TAKE IT THAT'S COOL.
(APPLAUSE) YOU ARE A NICE AUDIENCE, THANK
YOU.
GOOD FOR CONFIDENCE.
THANKS.
BY SIMPLY ADDING A PONY TAIL A MAN CAN REMOVE UP TO ALL OF HIS
CREDIBILITY.
IT'S TRUE.
THAT'S A FACT.
SOMETIMES INSTEAD OF SAYING FOR EXAMPLE I WILL SAY SOMETHING
SUSM AS SUCH AS FOR EXAMPLE.
WORD PLAY.
I GO TO THE GYM RELIGIOUSLY ABOUT TWICE EYE YEAR AROUND THE
HOLIDAYS.
(APPLAUSE) WHOOO.
I WAS DRIVING AND I SAW A SIGN THAT SAID HIDDEN DRIVEWAY AND
WELL YOU JUST RUINED THAT.
LET MAY FIGURE THAT OUT.
COME ON.
ONE PLACE I WOULD NOT WANT TO BE CHASED IS KENYA.
THAT WAS TOO MUCH?
(LAUGHTER) I KNOW.
HOW DARE I RECOGNIZE THE SPHRA EXTRAORDINARY RUNNERS IN THE
COUNTRY OF KENYA.
I SAW A GUY IN THE MALL, HE HAD ONE ARM.
AND I WAS LIKE OH MAN, THAT HAS GOT TO BE TOUGH, THAT SUCKS TO
HAVE JUST ONE ARM, YOU KNOW.
AND I THOUGHT UNTIL YOU GET ARRESTED.
(LAUGHTER) ALL RIGHT.
(APPLAUSE) WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO PUT AN
UNCOMFORTABLE BRACELET ON ME.
THANKS FOR THE WEAPON.
COP, IT'S COOL.
I SAW THIS LADY, I WAS IN A MALL AND I SAW HER HITTING HER KID.
SO I WENT UP TO HER AND I WAS LIKE YEAH, GET HIM.
(LAUGHTER) AN SHE GOT ALL MAD AT ME, AND I
WAS LIKE I'M ON YOUR SIDE.
PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.
I WONDER-- YEAH, THAT'S OKAY.
IF ARE YOU SITTING IN A DRUM CIRCLE I WONDER IF THERE IS A
MOMENT WHERE YOU ARE LIKE I'M NEVER GOING TO BE RICH.
(LAUGHTER) THAT'S IT, THANKS.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> James: DEMETRI MARTIN, EVERYBODY.
WHAT A SUPERSTAR.
CHECK OUT THE OVERTHINKER RIGHT NOW IT IS BRILLIANT.
COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY.