In the real world.
I was falling behind in this digital fantasy.
I was unlocking the secrets of the universe.
Hello, I'm
David Morrill and I’m a 30 year old graduate student and we're here today
to talk about how I slowly got drawn into conspiracy theories.
I'm Scott Morrill.
I'm David's dad, and I'm a semi-retired lawyer.
Did you have neighbors like
Yeah, just bringing random chickens.
Yeah, we started giving away the eggs.
I don't think at first
I had any inkling that something was going on.
At the time my life was not going particularly well.
I had just gotten married and immediately regretted it.
And then Oregon, they had just legalized recreational marijuana.
I started for the first time in my life using pot
and I recall getting involved in online
groups that would try to puzzle out secrets,
like what kind of secrets and what what were you getting out of this?
It all started with something called the Cicada 3301,
this online puzzle put out by a mystery group
Actually. It starts with basic problem solving.
You would take, say, an anagram and arrange letters correctly
to get a new URL.
I got involved more deeply in communities that were trying to crack this.
I started going on Reddit specifically.
I realized I couldn't.
It was going to be impossible, but there were other
less well-known puzzles and challenges that people were directing
my attention towards.
Then on these online communities,
I started feeling like an influence and and actually helpful.
I got it up in my head that there was some shadow group running everything.
Maybe if I solved these things, they'd let me in.
I'd be a member, right?
I never knew
what the grand sacred truth was.
I was just going through a hero's journey
of challenges and puzzles to try to get there.
Maybe.
Did you get more sort of desperate to crack the code, so to speak?
Yeah. Yeah.
My relationship began failing darn near immediately after marriage.
I wasn't sleeping, I was taking drugs,
and I started getting really paranoid as as a common side effect of marijuana.
I thought that people were watching me out in public.
I was skittish, I was terrified.
I started frantically reaching out and trying to express my concerns to you.
The first real event was when you woke us up
in the middle of the night and we went for a long walk with you
and you were talking about stuff that your mother and I just
we didn't get it at some point.
There
was a traumatic event that kind of brought this all to a head.
I was on a lot of drugs.
I hadn't slept for probably days and days on end,
and my imagination was running away from me.
So I got in the shower and for over a dozen hours I refused to get out.
You know, people were knocking and I was terrified of them.
I was terrified of anything and everything.
Just I knew that the water running over me was comforting.
And so I refused to move.
In hindsight, the doctors have labeled it a drug-induced psychosis,
which means I lost touch with reality completely.
It's an absolutely terrifying thing to see a loved one
in that much distress and not know what you can do about it.
We called in some experts that knew how to deal with it
and basically talked you down and helped you on a path to recovery.
You started working with some people in the health care industry that that helped.
Yeah, I remember when you were speaking with me
and trying to calm me down, I imagined you kind of like Bob Ross.
You were just peaceful and calming.
Yeah, I think that was really important.
I wish I could give more of a single moment
where the not believing in conspiracies kind of emerged.
All I know is that by your not being judgmental,
by not telling me that it was all fake or that I was crazy,
I was able to slowly climb back out because of your support.
So thank you
You’re gonna made me cry.
Since then, stuff
has taken a turn swiftly for the better. Yes.
So the beautiful part about all of this is that
I do have a lot of stamina for research now.
I've gotten
two bachelor's degrees, actually, and successfully defended my thesis.
Just last month you were telling us about redirecting your energies
and becoming more successful in a conventional sense.
I wanted to know what happened to me
and also hopefully help others in the future.
And I started focusing on conspiratorial ideation and persuasion
online, the way pseudoscience and junk science is deployed online.
And I've got to be honest, it's it's more invigorating going through the proper
channels than it is making these aha breakthroughs in your basement.
Well, and I hope that your mother and I were
we weren't accusatory.
You were very supportive.
And I'm very thankful for that because at the end of the day,
I could have dismissed anybody except you guys.
You've made it abundantly clear throughout my whole life that you care.
So I appreciate that.
It would be impossible to overstate
how much we care.
Sorry I lost my way for a bit.
I hope no parent ever has to go through what your mom and I went through.
But if they do that, they have compassion and understand
and not immediately write their child off as irredeemable.
Oh, gosh, no.
Positive trajectory is possible.
You can turn it around by yourself, sure.
But trusting other people, you'd be surprised at how willing to help they are
and how far you'll go once you let them in and start applying yourself differently.
You figured that out.