- Clinical experts agree
that we are in the midst of an epidemic.
- The people who didn't live through that time
really knew very little
about the origins of the AIDS epidemic.
- And the next day I went to Planned Parenthood
and that was where I found out that I had HIV.
(upbeat music)
- Being HIV+ is a death sentence.
3, 2, 1, go.
- Even being diagnosed with AIDS, I had full-blown AIDS
when I was diagnosed in 2012.
The fact that we can fully, completely recover
and be, I've been undetectable for years now.
I'm completely healthy.
It doesn't affect my life at all whatsoever.
I have the same life expectancy as anyone else, so.
- I'm on disagree because I feel like it's what you make it.
And also there's people across the world
that don't have those resources or they're getting killed.
So I feel like not everyone can just go to the LGBT center
or go to the doctor and get taken care of.
So that's why I'm not disagree.
- People act differently around me
after finding out my status.
3, 2, 1, go.
- Like good example are my parents.
I was very nervous in telling them
when I received this diagnosis.
They didn't know how to handle it,
how to take care of me or proceed or how to even support me.
There are things that changed and then as time passed by
they finally started getting more familiar with it.
They, they've come to accept it in a short amount of time.
- For me, like I don't think I ever have relationships
that get beyond the point of once you know,
we're gonna either go forward as a friend
or a relationship or we're not.
I mean the last time I remember that I was 17
and I had a buddy of mine, we were at the movie theaters
and there was like some gum or something
and he was just jokingly like, oh, be careful.
You don't wanna touch that, you'll get AIDS.
And I literally took that moment to tell him and to open up
and he changed and it was just a joke in his mind
and I knew it was just a joke.
So I took that time to be like, look, this is what it means.
This is why it's not necessarily so funny in this context.
And he apologized and we grew
and we're still friends till this day.
- I don't think anyone's treated me like unfair
or treated me different.
Well they treated me differently 'cause they,
a lot of people try to like victimize myself
or like they'll make comments like,
oh, like how do you do it?
Like how are you thriving? How are you surviving?
And I just,
I think people just like used to always feel sorry for me
and I kind of didn't like that so I was like,
you know, I just never wanted to be a victim
and that's why I go so hard today with my whole career
and everything that I do.
- I was well educated on safe-sex and HIV
before my diagnosis.
3, 2, 1, go.
- When I lived in Orange County,
I was volunteering for a non-profit
that specifically targeted 18 to 24 year old men
around STIs and avoiding getting HIV.
So I thought I was gonna be the last person to get HIV.
The fact that I was diagnosed with AIDS
and thought I was gonna be dead in three years
told me like I didn't even know that I could live with HIV.
- I mean I was born positive so when I found out I was 11
I found out 'cause my doctor let it slip
and my mom had to tell me 'cause I wasn't,
she felt I wasn't of age yet.
The next week in school we were taking sex education,
we were learning and I had found out all about this HIV
and the death rates and what it meant to be positive.
And I'm this 11 year old.
So like, it is this thing that I definitely I learned
it was a crash course,
I'd say I learned fast about what everything was,
but for me, I didn't even get to that point yet.
- And the school systems in America
I feel like aren't out here really teaching everyone
about like same sex intercourse
and like that they only teach like normal intercourse
or normal.
- Even the emotional and mental state of it,
- Right. - Is not even
that's not even, we're not even there yet.
That's the unfortunate thing,
we should be talking about how to handle it
on an emotional level, on a mental level.
- In all aspects.
- Like I have, have had clients who have been at Gay Pride
and then they go into a booth to go get tested
and then you go and you come out and you have HIV
and now you're supposed to go and have fun at Pride
and nobody told you.
- That's funny that you mentioned that
you go to a testing booth and then you found out
and you're at Pride 'cause that's exactly how I found out.
And when I did, they did offer me services
like kind of right then and there.
But it also was just like very overwhelming because ...
- And you have party. - Just on a wheel
because I wanted a prize
and then I walk into a booth. - Right.
- A booth and I walk out and then it was just like,
oh my goodness.
Like my whole entire life just like
kind of changed like that. - Yeah.
- I am afraid to have children.
3, 2, 1, go.
- I am not afraid to have children because
we have the stats of how many women have not
passed the virus to their children having a natural birth.
Since then, since it's 14 years now,
we've only progressed with the medication
and now in the last four years
we've come U = U, Undetectable=Untransmittable.
And we knew if you couldn't pass your baby 14 years ago,
pass HIV to your baby,
that right there said that U = U was a thing.
We just couldn't prove it
until we had case study after case study with 80,000 people,
you know, a few different times to be able to
scientifically say undetectable equals untransmittable,
you don't pass it today.
And if you take medicine, you're good.
- Though I know for sure, you know, I can,
yeah, I can have a child and they won't be HIV positive,
but I'm still to this day dealing with that little extra
of what if and letting that stop me and letting that be
the thing I still have to overcome.
- So when we were asked the question,
for some reason my mind was solely basing it on,
oh my God, what if I get a kid now?
Like I'm totally not ready for it.
But basing it on the whole HIV situation
I would have to walk over this long, strongly disagree.
- You're so cute.
- Honestly, cause I'm not, I'm not,
I'm not afraid to have children because of my diagnosis.
- My diagnosis was my fault.
3, 2, 1, go.
- You know what,
I wasn't necessarily taking preventative measures
in my younger years.
I would just wing it all the time
and whenever I would get tested I would always say,
oh great, I dodged a bullet.
But looking back from now,
I would say that it's the result of my past actions.
- I feel like I also agree
'cause I kind of knew what I was doing obviously
wasn't really the safest thing,
but I had never thought,
especially because I was so young
I thought I was like invincible
that I would end up being the person who got it.
And so I just had always kind of told myself
while I was making the wrong decisions,
oh like you'll be fine.
That doesn't happen to everyone.
Like you'll be like lucky.
- Well I mean we were born with it so, we didn't really.
- There's only so much we can, yeah.
I will say though, when I take a step back,
I spent a lot of my youth,
'cause my father passed it onto my mom
and then you know, I contracted it.
For a long time, I put that frustration in him
and I look at now as an adult,
as a, you know, in my thirties where he was when I was born
and realized that also he was in a bad place
and he didn't know what he was doing.
And it's not,
the biggest thing I could do in my life is give him
that forgiveness.
And so like I try to remind myself of that stuff as well.
- I have lied about my status.
3, 2, 1, go.
- Okay, I will speak.
There was only one instance when I lied about my status.
I was fairly new to the diagnosis
and I myself was still not fully ready to embrace it
and it was already in the heat of the moment.
So I figured, okay, if I stop now,
then it'll totally ruin everything.
I myself am secured that I'm not going to transmit it
to my partner.
But I don't think we have the time right now
to educate the partner
while we're in the heat of the moment.
So because I was confident enough
that I'm not gonna transmit it,
I simply just said, oh yeah, I'm negative.
- And I can understand why.
'Cause sometimes I think about it like,
why do we even have to say it?
We're undetectable.
There is nothing there to pass.
It is impossible.
A blood test cannot even pick up
the level count of the virus.
So, it's almost like my adopted mom says,
it's HIV neutral.
- I always practice safe sex.
3, 2, 1, go.
- I agree because when the way I was diagnosed,
well no one told me and I kind of had to find out for myself
and kind of just like exploring and just,
I don't know, I just feel like it's just a thing that I do
and I feel like it's just good karma for me, so.
- I leave it up to my partner.
I've been in long-term relationships
where my partners were not comfortable not wearing a condom.
Okay, that's cool with me.
I've been in long-term relationships where
they're cool with not wearing a condom
and that has been most of my relationships
and not one person is contracted.
- For me psychologically,
I think growing up and being in such denial for so long
about being gay and then being bullied about it
and like hating myself in a way for being gay for so long
I didn't lose my virginity until I was 22 to a guy.
And it was like,
at that point I was so, so desperate for intimacy,
for a connection with another guy
that the last thing I wanted was,
sorry I'm getting a little.
The last thing I wanted was to have
a physical barrier between us.
I was so desperate to connect with another human being.
So I think that's why I was willing to compromise
my body in order to get that intimacy
that I like desperately, was crazy.
- I am ashamed of my status.
3, 2, 1, go.
- I am Lexi Gibson and I was born with HIV.
- I feel like my status has like brought me to a place
in my life where it definitely over this past year
has shaped who I've become and how I carry myself.
And so I feel like being ashamed of it,
although I used to be,
it's not like that anymore for me
because it's just something that I want
to be an advocate for and I feel like it's just stigma.
- Yeah. - Looking at it now,
I consider my diagnosis as like the blessing of my life.
It sounds weird to say, - I agree.
- But I feel like it was like,
God, the universe kind of slapping me upside of the head
and saying, wake up, you are on autopilot.
You are living from a victim mentality
and it has led you through your course of life
to this very moment, and it's time to change.
- HIV is literally an immunodeficiency.
- Like 70 other autoimmune disorders.
- What difference does it make with Fibromyalgia or MS,
you know, it's an immunodeficiencies.
You are not your diagnosis.
That's not who you are.
You know what I mean?
You can be, you can have this and you can have that,
but it, it does not define you.
(audience clapping) - Group hug.
(all laughing)
- Thank you.