Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick world
‘I don’t want you laughing this is some serious stuff’
We go now to a scene between Corey Feldman and his agent when the script for Séance arrived
‘Are you sure this is something you want me to do?’
‘Yes’
Corey never spoke to his agent again
‘You know what’d be really cool, if we held a séance’
Well it’s the title of the movie so I guess we might as well,
‘Exactly’
and we seem to already have the perfect setup in the corner of our living room for some reason
So, does it go smoothly?
‘We had a seance but something went wrong’
who’d a thunk?
‘What kind of story is this?’
A badly told one
‘I think Michael lives inside this man and that’s the reason you’re able to see a real person in the spirit world’
What?
‘Let me think about this’
To be honest, the story really doesn’t matter
‘Are you nuts?’
there is nothing good about Séance
‘Oh no it’s true’
Even ignoring it’s camcorder production values
and plastic characters
'you almost got us killed.'
'you and your desire to make John do whatever you want.'
this is still one of the most howlingly ‘how the fuck is it possible to get it this wrong’
pieces of crud ever committed to digital video!
‘We should never have done this’
True, but it can be used as handy a guide on how not to make a low budget movie
‘Yeah, that’ll be dope’
For example; how not to dress a living room set
‘Hey, cool place’
How not to accidentally knock over a glass.
'We're talk about that later.'
Are those glasses plastic?
'thats pretty wild.'
How not to write dialogue
‘We have to be honest and we have to tell the truth’
How not to hold a gun
'Tony get down!'
and how not to film a gunshot
How not to introduce character traits...
'I'm a black belt Eric.'
Wonder if that will come into play later?
She probably does have a black belt...Prada maybe.
'What happened to the strong confident Viki I use to know?'
How not to look scared
Scareder!
It’s well known that how scared you are is directly proportional to how far you lean back
‘I knew that’
And how not to shoot a car crash
You’d think head butting a windscreen hard enough to crack it would at least leave a bruise.
‘Man just shut up’
Out of interest, what do you think about when making out with a pretty girl
‘My Grandmother’
Okay
‘What’s really the problem?’
The problem is that the story is shite
‘Dude, Grandma’s gone psycho’
I’m pretty sure that’s the shadow of the camera on the wall.
And the actors can only express emotion by shouting
'Will someone tell me what just happened there!'
'What are we suppose to do I don't want to be next!'
'Why are you hurting us!'
'I'm not driving her home!'
'I'M NOT DRIVING HER HOME.'
'What's wrong with you guys!'
'Eric this isn’t one of your video games man'
'You didn't see what we saw!'
'Damn it!'
'No God why!'
'Get a hold of yourself!'
Honest to crap the only thing to do with this movie is string up its fetid corpse
as a warning to other low budget filmmakers that a stinker like this will hang round your neck like a dead albatross for the rest of your ‘career’.
'This problem you created is going to haunt you forever’
I imagine Corey Feldman still has nightmares
‘Oh God please stop him’
'Scarier nightmares!'
Not even Batman spouting random aphorisms could save this film
‘I think you’ll find the answer comes from within’
Although he comes close.
‘I never should have let you experience something like that’
Where’s my fucking apology?
‘Is anybody besides me ready for another drink?’
surprisingly this was not Corey's most embarrassing moment.
You can see that by clicking down the end.
click here to see more reviews, here to subscribe or up there to see the full movie 'Seance.'
'You expect me to believe this murderer is from another dimension?'
'And through some psychic experience that sounds more like drugs you witnessed all this?'