In our lives, we will definitely encounter many “bodhisattvas.”
When we hear of bodhisattvas, we think,
“Oh, bodhisattvas will be very nice to me,
they will go along with
what makes me feel joyous,
what makes me feel happy – that is what a bodhisattva is for.”
The Buddha on Loving Our Enemies
But the Buddha told us that
bodhisattvas are there to help us grow.
And what helps us grow isn’t necessarily someone that is very kind to us,
or someone that makes us very happy.
If we look back at our lives,
actually many people have helped us to learn a lot of things
and to grow as a person,
and mostly it wasn't during good times,
but during adversity, that we’ve had the opportunity to grow.
Therefore, so-called “bodhisattvas”
also include people who make us angry as soon as we see them,
and those we quarrel with if we have to speak more than two words.
Why are these people bodhisattvas?
They allow us to see ourselves.
When I am angry or I argue with them,
when I don’t agree with them or I’m dissatisfied with them,
is it really because of them?
Actually, it might not be;
in fact, it’s definitely not.
It’s because in our minds we have a set of ideas and expectations,
and we think others should accord with them and then it’s OK.
So it is this expectation in our minds,
or this conflict between our values and reality,
that gives rise to our inner afflictions.
We can use another approach.
No matter what kind of person they are,
no matter what they do to us, no matter what they say to us,
it all represents causality appearing in the present moment.
If what the person says makes us angry,
it's my problem,
because I’m the one who planted the seed for the anger,
and I’m the one who has the habit, or habitual tendency of getting angry.
Therefore when other people talk, it brings out our internal anger.
That’s why we call that person a “bodhisattva,”
and we should be grateful to them.
We’re thankful that they allow us to understand ourselves better.
They are like a mirror.
Without them,
there would be no way for us to discover that we care about certain things so much,
that for us there are lines that cannot be crossed,
that there are some things that we just cannot accept.
It is them who help us see all of this.
Without these “bodhisattvas,”
would we not have these limitations in our minds, these seeds of affliction?
We would.
Without them, we just won’t discover that
we have this anger and affliction that needs to be transformed, that needs to be purified.
So actually all of these people are bodhisattvas,
who allow us to really understand ourselves,
and who give us opportunities to grow,
who enable us to go beyond our limits, until ultimately,
we are purified to the point that we no longer interact with others by involving our self or ego.
This is simply from the perspective of the Dharma.
To get along well with others in real life,
the actual method I use is this:
try and see why the person we are interacting with
said something that I can’t understand?
Why would they say this?
In fact, it’s because they have their own background history,
and they are the combination of their own unique factors, becoming what they are now.
It’s not that they wanted to become a disliked person;
it’s just that they have their own string of causes and conditions behind them.
If I had experienced the same background as they did,
I might even be more terrible than they are.
So, we develop empathy
to appreciate that what everyone is today is due to many causes and conditions coming together,
attributable to so many factors in the past.
They also don’t want to be someone that makes others angry.
If we can empathize with this part,
then we can develop a compassionate heart
and accept others as they are.
Once we accept them,
they will have a chance to reflect on themselves,
wanting to uplift themselves,
transform themselves, by practicing the path of wholesomeness.