>>> It's like a pump.
Give yourself a hug.
>> Give yourself a hug.
Yeah!
>> That's Gracie gold.
We're looking into part two of
her interview.
Fascinating howl she's opening
up about the deepest darkest
time of her life just a couple
years ago.
>> How did she turn it around?
>> She was talking about
thoughts of suicide and severe
clinical depression, and she
really turned it around thanks
to the help of U.S. Figure
skating association and one
person who was key in
identifying she was dealing with
all of these problems was her
olympic teammate and rival
Ashley Wagner.
>> There was a point where you
were competing, and I believe
Ashley Wagner was the first to
really say.
She looked at you and said,
nobody was home.
And it scared her and she
alerted skating officials.
Ashley and you were competitors
for a while.
For her to speak up like that
and to say that, did you feel in
the moment that she was trying
to help you?
>> She went out of her way to
tell somebody that, like, I
wasn't thriving.
And I was like amazed because --
like, because no one else
probably did and of course, for
all people to be Ashley meant a
lot.
>> Where are you today?
I mean, how do you feel?
When you get back out on that
ice?
>> I enjoy being alive again.
Like welcome back to reality.
Good to see you guys.
I still have days where I really
struggle with how everything
went down because I -- I mean, I
swing between putting the blame
on everyone else, which is
common, but also taking all the
blame and not realizing it
wasn't just my actions.
It was the actions of my whole
family fell apart with the
weight gain, with the bad
skating, with the coach -- the
whole thing at one time is what
caused the explosion and that it
wasn't just me, so don't throw a
pity party.
You're in a treatment facility.
Good job.
But I still do have everything,
it's just different.
>> What about olympic dreams, is
that part of your life behind
you?
Do you still some days maybe
think about it?
>> So, coming back to skating, I
really like -- I put my feet
back on the ice in April of last
year.
That was after a long time of
not competitively training.
A long time I didn't put my feet
in skates.
Like really out of shape both
like body weight and -- this
body composition which was a new
thing for me, I never had to
alter my body composition
before, which was like a
nightmare.
Like a lot of things were out of
whack.
I will compete again when I know
that I'm ready and we'll start
from there.
Fortunately the olympics are a
little bit away so we do have a
little bit of time.
And I'd love nothing more than
to go in the national
championships again.
That is my ultimate dream, win
the national championships
again, get a world medal, go to
the games again, like for like
to really finish skating because
I ended up retiring myself from
skating prematurely, I felt.
Like I didn't go to a
competition and say, this is the
last event and after this, we're
done.
I wasn't retired by like an
injury, blew out my knee, that's
it, but that's life.
It almost like fizzled.
In like a really dark place,
too.
Uh when you say you want to go
back to win it, isn't just being
there winning it?
If you just make it there.
>> Even if nothing else, if I
can do a triple toe combination
again, that is already like --
>> That's winning.
>> I did it.
>> You know, I don't even think
she has to get there
necessarily.
She did say afterwards she's
working with kids also and
teaching them and skating a
couple times a week.
There's so much reward in that,
in giving back.
She said some day maybe she
could see herself being a
psychologist for athletes going
through the same thing.
That would be a perfect path.
If she could focus her attention
on something that would be so
beneficial to others, and she
knows what they're going
through.
>> I just think about these
young ladies, how much our
bodies change as we grow up.
>> It's hard.
>> It's a hard thing.
>> She's thriving for perfection
and nobody can make that.
We'll have more of our interview
with Gracie gold on tonight's "Access"