You did something recently that it shocked me.
You shot something for shark week
and I can't believe this, I have not
seen it yet, but I'm told that you
swam with sharks, which sounds insane to me.
You don't fear sharks?
But Conan, in the aquatic.
Do you want me to shut the fuck up?
Is that what you want?
Shut the fuck up.
(audience laughing)
I just, it bugs me when you doubt me,
when you start doubting me you have
this smug face and you start-
I don't think I was being smug, I think it's-
No, you smug, you a smugger, you a smugger.
You smugged the shit out of me just now.
(Conan laughing)
(audience laughing)
I was concerned!
Andy, be real now.
Well, I just think he lives in fear.
Yes!
So, -
Thank you.
Yeah, that's probably more of what it was
You're swimming with sharks, you
weren't scared at all?
No, you know what? I'll tell you this much,
I am a big part of the aquatic world,
you understand?
(audience laughing)
I've been there for years.
What do you mean you're a big part of-
You're a big part of the aquatic world?
Coral reefs, shellfish-
What are you talking about?
I'm commonly known to all species of
under-water creatures as the black dolphin.
You're the black dolphin?
I've been the black-
See? There he go again-
No I am not!
(audience laughing)
I am simply looking for clarification!
You, sir, are the black dolphin.
I am the black dolphin and see
when I go under water this was like me
returning to my roots, you understand?
(audience laughing)
Right.
Me returning to my roots, okay?
As if, this didn't happen but as if
I was birthed and you know how you see movies
when they put a baby in a little basket
and they send them down the river?
And some other family finds them,
finds the baby in the basket
Yeah
And go, 'oh, a baby in a basket!'
And raise that child?
Yep.
I was put in a boat- a little inflated boat
put in the ocean and I floated through the ocean
was found by some really, really nice dolphins
and they raised me as the black dolphin.
You're the black dolphin
(audience laughing)
No! I'll tell you something, man,
the most amazing feeling in the world to be
under water and all you hear, I'm telling you
all you hear is your breathing, it's the
most amazing feeling in the world, you know,
and when I get to space, you know
what I'm saying?
(audience laughing)
When I get to space I'm going to say,
'This shit feel like the ocean.'
(audience laughing)
(cheering)
Same thing, same thing
Yeah
And I will tell you one thing,
oh, the convenience of it all, 'cause,
who has time to keep going up
to that boat to take a piss, who?
Who has time?
(audience laughing)
So, while you're under water, let it go.
(audience laughing)
I don't think you're the first one to do that.
Yeah, yeah, that's-
No, it's amazing, understand,
it's an amazing feeling knowing you
could piss on yourself and there's
no re precautions, there's no stain-
So, you want to- your dream is to piss-
urine on yourself with no re precautions?
Oh, man, I was under water man-
You have strange aspirations, Jamie.
No, when I'm under water and
my flippers are moving like this and
I'm like this-
(audience laughing)
That's how you move
Wait a minute, So-
Then you, then you stop and you got-
Jamie, Jamie! Are you wearing that hat
when you are under water?
(audience laughing)
Fuck yeah I got this hat on!
(audience laughing)
(Conan laughing)
You know what? And I got a show love
for the sharks man 'cause they showed me love
you know, they didn't have to do that
you know, a dolphin shows up at this fucking reef
a dolphin just shows up out of nowhere,
you know, they showed so much respect
for the black dolphin
Yeah.
And you know what, I appreciate that
Yeah.
And right now I just want to give
a big shout out out there to my people
out there, you know who you are,
the reef shark, the tiger shark, the sand shark
much appreciation goes out to you.
(audience cheering)
Show me love like that, show me mad love
no, but I'll tell you, man, it is-
if you haven't done it yet, has anybody
ever done it before? It is the most-
before, I'm telling you, before
you jump in you are terrified,
Yeah.
But for some reason there is this calm,
these sharks were swimming around
myself and brad paisley-
(audience laughing)
No, we did, no, we did
I don't even think you needed to say that,
we all assumed.
Really, the black dolphin hangs out
with brad paisley?
(audience laughing)
Of course he does, of course he does.
Yeah.
Have you seen-
Brad Paisley's probably the white dolphin.
Yeah.
See, see here's my thing, here's my thing,
I know who I am, I communicate with these animals
I go, (mimics dolphin noise)
(audience laughing)
That's dolphin talk, that's dolphin talk,
so, see, like, I know me like that dolphin,
you are you and in this beautiful world
of under-water worlds.
Well, you tell me, you're the expert
what under-water creature am I?
I got him, I got him already,
you know who you are?
What?
You a red snapper.
(audience laughing)
(Conan laughing)
Come on, man. Come on man.
Red snapper
Now see, now here is the difference
between me and you I can drive under the water
amongst the sharks and the sperm whales
and blue whales and see, I can live down there
you understand me? They accept me in their circle
but you, you a red snapper, you are
gonna end up on somebody's fucking plate,
you understand? Right?
(Conan laughing)
(audience laughing)
Side of mash- Side of mash, the broccoli-
Guess what? Guess what? We're going to
bring this full circle, I'll be the special,
yeah, I'll be-
(audience cheering)
(audience laughing)
Y'know-
You the special, you the special.
(audience cheering)