President-elect Biden,
America's control-alt-delete.
He's been assembling his new administration,
and it looks like he's putting his best foot forward.
Well, I guess it's his only working foot,
but it's still pretty impressive.
NEWSWOMAN: President-elect Joe Biden is unveiling
key members of his foreign policy
and national security team today.
The players are familiar from the Obama administration
and notable for their diversity.
If confirmed, Alejandro Mayorkas will be
the first Latino and immigrant
to serve as Secretary of Homeland Security.
Avril Haines will be the first female Director
of National Intelligence.
And Linda Thomas-Greenfield, a career diplomat,
is nominated to represent the United States at the U.N.
NEWSWOMAN 2: Mr. Biden also announced
his new White House communications team.
It is a diverse, all-female group,
including several mothers of young kids.
Now, that is progressive.
An all-women communications team
and a national security team that is racially diverse.
People all over the Middle East are gonna be like,
"What an honor. What an honor to be bombed
by such a woke administration."
And a communications team of all women
will be a refreshing change.
Because-- let's be honest, guys--
men are always lying about size to try and impress people.
Don't be fooled. This team isn't as diverse
as it seems on the surface.
For example, all of these people
have experience in their fields.
Yeah. Everyone's experienced.
The Trump administration would never have tolerated
this kind of discrimination against incompetence.
Shame on you, Joe Biden.
Shame on you.
Meanwhile, on the other side of reality,
Donald Trump's attempt to cling to office
faced another setback yesterday,
when Wisconsin and Arizona
became the latest states
to formally certify Biden's victory.
And the Arizona ceremony happened
at a particularly awkward moment for Donald Trump.
NEWSWOMAN: As the governor was signing
the certification documents,
his cell phone buzzed with the ringtone
of "Hail to the Chief."
Ducey has previously said
he set that song for calls coming from the White House.
This time, he muted the phone and set it aside
as he signed documents that made Trump's loss official.
("Hail to the Chief" playing faintly)
(ringtone stops)
Whew! That is cold.
Sending the president of the United States to voice mail
like he's spam?
Which he is, but still.
You know Fox & Friends were watching this like,
"Oh, that's a good trick.
We-we can just not answer the phone? We got to try that."
And you know what made this move especially gangster
is that he knew Trump was watching him on live TV.
We've all had that moment where we think
somebody's ignoring our call or our text,
but to actually see it, to see him look at his phone,
see your name and then put it away?
Ooh! That had to hurt.
Trump was probably sitting there like,
"This is so painful.
I've got to call Melania and tell her how bad it hurts."
(phone ringing through, beep)
"Aah. I guess Melania also can't come to the phone right now."
And as upsetting as those losses are for Trump,
it's even more frustrating for Trump supporters,
because they must be wondering how their guy can possibly
still be losing, especially after they donated tons of money
for the legal battles against the rigged election.
Well, it turns out
that that's not where all the money may be actually going.
The president's unfounded claims of voter fraud
and misinformation surrounding the 2020 election are proving
to be lucrative for team Trump and his allies.
A source tells CNN, the president
and his political operation have raised
more than $170 million since Election Day.
Now, a fraction of this money will likely go
to fund whatever is left
of the president's legal fight here,
but most of this money,
there is very few restrictions on any of this,
and most of it will likely go
to fund the president's own personal activities.
He can take that, uh, that piggy bank with him
for whatever he wants to do in the future.
(laughing): Oh.
(with accent): I see you, Donald. I see you!
(his voice): Here we were, all thinking that you were really
challenging the election results.
Shit, you were just hustling.
Look at this man. Look at this dude.
Even at the very end of his presidency,
Donald Trump is grifting his own supporters out of their money.
I guess the one thing he doesn't need
to recount is his balls, because, clearly,
this man has a massive pair to go out like this.
I mean, damn, we all knew that he'd probably grift hard
on his way out, but hustling $170 million
from his own supporters?
Whew! It's one thing
to steal all the shampoo bottles from the hotel.
Well, Trump-- he's taking the piano from the lobby
and the indoor pool with him.