Transcriber: Josephine Wilson Reviewer: Maria Pericleous
If you ever felt that you did everything that was supposed to be done,
you wore the mask, you literally showered in sanitizer,
you walked into that office and completely aced the interview,
you even consciously ensured
you cracked the mandatory joke or two to keep it casual.
Yet somewhere in a tiny, unknown corner of your brain,
you have this niggling doubt.
You are truly afraid and unsure of the outcome.
Well, what can I say? Except welcome to the uncertainty club.
It is human nature to fret over being able to cope with the uncertain in the future.
Since the time we’re able to understand our surroundings, we crave security.
But whether it’s a global pandemic,
the economy, our finances, health, our relationships,
hell, even the way we look,
we are surrounded by a shroud of uncertainty,
which in turn can lead to a deep sense of insecurity.
The world at large
is playing on our insecurities, through media campaigns,
or it could very well be your family or a friend
who pushes our buttons and makes us insecure,
even about the smallest of things.
All these factors lead to a vicious cycle of apprehension,
which makes us doubt ourselves and sometimes even lose self-confidence.
I am here to talk about overcoming my insecurities about my body size,
and introducing the concept of body positivity in my life.
When I was in school, I remember a teacher telling me I couldn't dance
because I was not the ideal size.
Actually, she outright called me fat.
Of course, she said it nonchalantly, but it killed my self-confidence.
At family functions, relatives would ‘kindly’ forward me numbers
of fad dietitians so I could lose weight,
because a fat person obviously cannot succeed in life.
Of course, the effect these fad diets would have on my health
was of absolutely no concern to them.
I walked into stores and asked for dresses in big sizes
and have been told things like nothing in the store would suit me
or they don’t stock stock large sizes.
Things like this really, truly hurt the more sensitive part of you.
It's almost as if you can feel that happy bubble bursting.
A survey was conducted by a leading healthcare organisation in India
among women between the ages of 15 and 65 across 20 cities
to gain an insight into the attitudes and perceptions of women
towards the concept of body image,
as well as the impact body shaming had on their psychological well-being.
Sadly, 90% of women recognised that body shaming is a common behaviour.
47.5% of women reported having experienced body shaming
at their schools or workplaces.
76% of women felt that media portrayals of beauty
contribute towards promoting the prevalence of body shaming.
62% of women reported having felt anxious and nervous
when people have commented on their looks and physical appearance.
The survey goes on with similar statistics stated,
but what comes across as shocking is that 95% of the women
stated that most people
do not even tend to realise when they indulge in body shaming.
Can you imagine what impact this has on almost 50% of us today?
Add the mix of our daily stresses to this
and imagine how body shaming is impacting our mental health.
In India, as we are all aware, there are specific,
unsaid standards of beauty to which everyone is compared.
The ideal man or woman in any role has to look a certain part.
You have to look and dress a certain way to be a part of a certain profession.
Obviously, no one is interested in your experience or qualification.
They are more interested in passing comments,
like he or she doesn’t look like a teacher,
or he or she doesn’t look like an engineer.
Actually, we Indians should make an extensive list
of how every professional should look and dress like.
Could make for some interesting reading.
When I joined the beauty industry at 22, I had to become thick-skinned
and work doubly hard to prove myself, just because my body looks a certain way.
I was overly focused on comparing my size, shape, features
to very unrealistic ideals.
I noticed that I was falling into a pattern: binging, putting on weight,
feeling horrible about myself, more binging, and so on and so forth.
Some of you might have found yourselves in similar self-defeating cycles
and probably understand where I was coming from.
But thankfully for me, things changed.
About two years ago, I had an epiphany.
I had a chance meeting with a woman on a very long haul flight.
She was very friendly and we got chatting about a lot of things
like work, relationships and life in general.
She had a lot to say, and so did I.
Sometimes strangers can really get one talking.
We were talking about relationships
and she very calmly asked me a shocking question that really hit home.
She asked me why I didn’t like myself.
I was shell shocked.
I went into complete denial mode and told her she was mistaken.
But that night in my hotel room, I couldn’t sleep.
A random stranger who knew nothing about me had read me like an open book,
and she was right.
I didn’t like myself, and that perceptive stranger on the flight saw it.
At that moment, I knew something had to change.
If I don't love myself, no one else will.
It’s taken me years to actually understand
that body positivity can only come from mental positivity.
Accepting my body with all its flaws,
and fabulousness too,
has been the most liberating experience for me.
My size, height and skin tone are truly unique and yes, beautiful too.
My worst critic has always been me.
Today, we live in a world where we are supposed to start our day
with a skinny latte and have a beach ready body.
Add the before and after diet and exercise pictures one sees online,
and you are sure to inflict body shaming on yourself.
So here are a few rules that I have come to follow
that have helped me love myself and love how I look.
Gratitude for a healthy, functioning body.
My body does a lot for me.
The days I feel low, I look at myself in the mirror
and I tell myself
all the amazing functions my body performs, like breathing,
sleeping, smiling, which help me function and achieve so much.
It always works like a charm.
I treat others the way I want to be treated.
If I don’t like being body shamed, I don’t do that for others.
If there is ever a conversation where someone is being criticised
for being fat, thin, dark, fair, I do not participate.
I always cut in and say something nice about that person.
And that really does shut up even the most stubborn critics.
It’s my own way of breaking the chain.
Unlearn preconceived notions.
We have these grandiose ideas that say a thinner body is a better body.
This is not true. Only a healthier body is a better body.
There are some harsh facts we have learned over the years,
but like we learned them, it is time to unlearn them.
It is OK to seek help.
Go to a counsellor, therapist or life coach
if you feel bad about the way you look.
Address this issue so you don’t stagnate in life
just because you look a certain way.
Today, I wish to talk about breaking the chain.
Ask yourself on how many occasions you have judged somebody,
based on what they are wearing or how they look.
We have all done it.
Judged people on their size or colour; purely superficial things.
Now ask yourself, was it really necessary?
These impossible standards set by people like us are really hard to achieve.
Anyone who has the power to make you feel inadequate
because of how you look
truly does not deserve a place in your life.
A person who is critical of others is just an insecure person
who is reflecting their insecurities onto you.
One exercise that has worked for me
in this journey of falling in love with myself is,
I think of three things I love about myself, every single day.
It could be a trait or a characteristic, or something I achieved.
An achievement doesn’t need to be about winning the Nobel Prize,
but just about the smallest things.
You completed that online yoga session? Yay for you!
You managed to drink that kerrele ke pani? You’re a star!
I’m in no way advocating or promoting being overweight.
It is not the healthiest or most idyllic situation to be in.
But go ahead with your weight loss in a systematic, healthy manner.
This is what I have personally started doing.
Start small, set small goals,
reach them, and then be proud of yourself.
Do it for your health, but don’t do it because it’s a norm shared by society.
Self-love is the biggest love there is, and I swear by this statement.
I am brave, I am strong, and I am beautiful.
And I remember a quote from Bridget Jones’s Diary.
“I like you just the way you are.”
Now say this to yourself daily.
I would just like to end with this quote by Steve Maraboli.
“This is my life, my story, my book.
I will no longer let anyone write it,
nor will I apologize for the edits that I make.”