>> Stephen: LOUIS CATO AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND, EVERYBODY.
[HUMMING] YEAH.
I THINK, I THINK, I THINK -- HAVE YOU FINISHED YOUR CHRISTMAS
SHOPPING? >> Louis: NO.
STEVE AND I THINK I FINISHED IT. >> Louis: ALREADY?
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE THINGS I DID WHILE I WAS BEDRIDDEN.
I HIT THAT COMPUTER HARD. THERE WAS SMOKE COMING OFF MY
PAYPAL ACCOUNT. I'M EXCITED ABOUT THAT.
YEAH. I WAS ON MORPHINE SO I DON'T
KNOW WHAT I BOUGHT. BUT I BET IT WAS PRETTY GOOD.
WE'VE GOT SOME WONDERFUL GUESTS TONIGHT.
WE'VE GOT COMING UP A LITTLE BIT LATER, DEAR OLD FRIEND OF MINE,
A LEGEND OF COMEDY, ROBERT SMIGEL IS GOING TO BE HERE.
I'M NOT SURE IF YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH THIS MAN'S WORK, I'M A FAN.
HIS NAME IS JASON MOMOA. [CHEERING]
THERE YOU GO. FOLKS, IF YOU KNOW THIS SHOW,
YOU KNOW ME AND I'M A DOG PERSON.
I LOVE ALL KINDS OF DOGS: BIG, SMALL, SNOOP,
RESERVOIR, CORN, WHICH IS WHY I LOVE MY SEGMENT
"RESCUE DOG RESCUE," WHERE WE HELP FIND HOMES
FOR REAL RESCUE PUPPIES. I'M PROUD TO SAY THAT SO FAR
WE HAVE A PERFECT RECORD OF EVERY SINGLE DOG WE'VE FEATURED
BEING ADOPTED! [APPLAUSE]
IT'S A GREAT FEELING. RESCUE AND MUCH MORE SUCCESSFUL
THAN OUR OTHER SEGMENT, "BUY A BOY A BOA"!
AND I'M EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER
"RESCUE DOG RESCUE." ♪ ♪
HEY, EVERYBODY. WELCOME TO RESCUE DOG RESCUE.
HERE'S HOW SHE WORKS: WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU SOME
ADORABLE DOGS THAT ARE ACTUALLY UP FOR ADOPTION THROUGH NORTH
SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE AMERICA. AND TO MAKE YOU WANT TO ADOPT
THEM EVEN MORE, WE TELL YOU FLATTERING LIES ABOUT THEM.
NOW, AND THIS IS TRUE, IF YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING IN THE
NEWS, I AM RECOVERING FROM ABDOMINAL SURGERY AND AM
MEDICALLY PROHIBITED FROM LIFTING ANYTHING OVER 10 POUNDS.
WHICH MEANS I COULD REALLY USE SOMEBODY BIG AND STRONG
TO HELP ME HOLD THESE DOGS.
JASON MOMOA! AND THOSE PANTS!
>> Jason: I'M HERE. >> Stephen: JASON MOMOA,
HOLY COW. I NEVER EXPECTED YOU TO SHOW UP.
>> Jason: FOR YOU, ANYTHING. >> Stephen: THANK YOU, JASON.
LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. ARE YOU STRONG ENOUGH
TO LIFT A PUPPY? >> Jason: IT DEPENDS.
IS THE PUPPY IN A CAR? >> Stephen: NO.
>> Jason: TRICK QUESTION: I COULD DO IT EITHER WAY.
>> Stephen: GREAT! THEN GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME
LIE ABOUT SOME DOGS! THIS IS ROGER.
ALL THOSE CONFLICTING STUDIES ABOUT WHETHER RED WINE IS GOOD
FOR YOU ARE BAD FOR YOU. WELL, AT NIGHT, ROGER STALKS
THE CITY, FINDS ALL THE RESEARCHERS WHO SAY IT'S BAD,
AND HE BITES THEM. >> Jason: ROGER IS THE WINNER.
ROGER IS THE BEST. ROGER MIGHT BE COMING HOME WITH
ME. >> Stephen: WHO IS THIS?
>> Jason: THIS IS MARINA. MARINA CAN LITERALLY SMELL
DANGER... AS LONG AS THE DANGER IS BACON.
>> Stephen: GOOD FOR YOU, MARINA.
THIS NEXT LITTLE GUY. >> Jason: OH, HAMMER.
>> Stephen: THIS LITTLE GUY IS MR. GIGGLES.
MR. GIGGLES HAS THE WORLD'S LARGEST COLLECTION OF SNOW
GLOBES. MORE THAN 2,000!
BUT THE COOLEST THING ABOUT MR. GIGGLES IS THAT HE WILL
NEVER ASK YOU TO LOOK AT THEM. THERE YOU GO.
ALL. >> Jason: AND THIS IS MINDY.
YOU KNOW THAT HAT YOU BOUGHT THAT YOU NEVER WEAR BECAUSE YOU
THINK IT MAKES YOU LOOK SILLY? WELL, SHE WILL BOOST
YOUR CONFIDENCE BY TELLING YOU IT'S REALLY COOL!
BECAUSE HER SUPERPOWER IS LYING. >> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
'CAUSE IT'S A STUPID HAT. HOW STUPID IS THIS HAT?
>> Jason: WELL. [APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER] >> Stephen: DON'T.
THIS IS JASON'S ACTUAL HAT AND WHEN WE WERE REHEARSING HE SAID
I ACTUALLY HAVE A [BLEEP] STUPID HEAD.
DON'T. THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE IN THE
SIZE OF THESE MEN. >> Jason: I SHOULD HAVE A HEAD
LIKE THIS. IF I HAD A SMALL HEAD, IT WOULD
LOOK WEIRD. IT'S EQUAL.
>> Stephen: I THINK THERE MIGHT BE SOME MORE PUPPIES,
JASON. WHO DO WE HAVE HERE?
OH. THIS IS CARRUTHERS.
CARRUTHERS WAS THE FIRST DOG COME UP WITH THE ICONIC BARK
SOUND "WOOF."
BEFORE CARRUTHERS, DOGS WOULD BARK LIKE THIS:
GORM! GORM!
THANK YOU, CARRUTHERS. LASTLY THERE AND YOU DON'T HAVE
TO PICK UP THIS DOG, JASON. LASTLY WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL
OLDER DOG. RIGHT OVER THERE, THAT'S HONEY
OVER THERE. HONEY IS YOUNG AT HEART BUT IN
DOG YEARS HONEY IS 88 YEARS OLD. WHICH IS WHY SHE'S ANNOUNCING
THAT SHE'S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!
WELL, THAT DOES IT FOR "RESCUE DOG RESCUE"!
ALL THESE DOGS ARE ACTUALLY UP FOR ADOPTION THROUGH NORTH
SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE AMERICA. BUT THE HAT IS NOT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK