I actually,
this is a fun crowd for it,
I actually, I do impressions.
You guys like impressions?
You like that sort of thing?
Oh yeah? Good.
(audience applauding)
My impressions
are a little bit different
because here at The Heath Show
I use . . .
a leaf blower to do these and,
this very serious.
Please do not try this at home.
220 miles an hour,
the wind that comes out of here,
so these are some impressions
with a leaf blower.
You guys, it'll be a lot of fun.
Here we go.
Number one,
your dog out the car window.
(audience laughing)
Riding shot gun.
The alien. The alien.
(yelling gibberish)
Okay, okay, you can confess something.
(audience laughing)
That one really hurts.
(audience laughing)
Oh wait.
My favorite one, whale watching!
That's a new one.
That's a good one.
Okay, my favorite one.
Here we go.
A South Carolina
news reporter in a hurricane.
All the roads are closed right now!
(audience laughing)
That behind me was the bowling alley.
It is now gone,
details tonight.
There you go people.
There you go.
(audience applauding)
My leaf blower is dead.
(audience laughing)
I think my leaf blower just died.
I'm so excited
when I do that piece
because like I said,
I am from the South.
Anybody from the South
here tonight at all?
(audience cheering)
Oh, did you hear that, "Woo-hoo!"
Okay.
What part of the South
are you from?
Yell it out.
- Huntsville, Alabama.
- Oh, Huntsville, Alabama.
Redneck showed up, this is great!
(audience laughing)
What's so funny,
if you're not from the South,
we understand and
we don't know why either,
that anytime, anytime
that that news reporter
shows up on the news
the next guy
they choose to interview
to tell the world
is somebody like this right here.
(energetic banjo music)
(audience laughing)
I don't know what happened.
My trailer shot off that way
somewhere.
(audience laughing)
My little brother was
playing in a garbage can.
It twirled him around and
shot him toward Arkansas.
(audience laughing)
The bowling alley landed
on my step mama.
♪ Ding dong the ♪
No I'm just kidding.
(audience laughing)
Hey, my name's Dale.
Everybody say, "Hello, Dale!"
- [Audience] Hello, Dale!
- Oh, shut up.
(audience laughing)
I'm in a real, I, hey, I ain't funny.
I don't know what that is.
I'm in a real,
I'm in a real good mood tonight.
We just had our big family reunion
and we do what y'all do
in family reunions.
We get together
and start reminiscing
about our childhood.
You see, we played
all the games y'all did
like Hide and Go Fish,
(audience laughing)
Lick the Truck.
Alabama,
but, my brother's favorite game
was a type of tag.
You see, they'd put me
in the center of a circle
and take turns tagging me
in the face with a two-by-four.
(audience laughing)
I know you can't tell it.
(audience laughing)
Anyway,
I don't want y'all to worry
about me or nothing.
I got myself checked out
by the doctor, yeah.
He looked me over from
head to toe and he said,
"Hey, Dale", 'cause that's my name,
(audience laughing)
he said, "Hey, Dale, don't worry.
"You ain't gonna suffer
"from no type of severe,
"long term, mental,
"side effects or anything."
When I did that y'all peed
just a little bit, didn't ya?
(audience laughing)
I did, hey but listen,
(audience laughing)
but I'll tell you, I'll tell you,
hey, have you, hey, hey, y'all listen.
hey, have you ever met
someone that's just odd?
(audience laughing)
Me too.
My best friend was like that.
One time we was both
in the fourth grade.
He farted, it stunk around
till the sixth.
(audience laughing)
That was the worst
11 years of my life,
(audience laughing)
but I tell you, I did have
a lot of trouble in school
and I was always harassed
by the school bully.
Pull my hair and
flushed my head in the toilet.
I went to homeschool y'all,
(audience laughing)
but I'll tell ya, I'm pretty excited
'cause this weekend
we going to the big
dirt track race on Saturday.
Anybody in here ever been
to a dirt track race, huh?
(audience cheering)
Oh yeah, a couple of y'all?
Half y'all hadn't even done it
and that's a lot of fun.
That's where your mama, your daddy,
your grandparents, and
your grand-mama all get in the truck,
go down to the race track,
and everybody gets arrested.
It's fun.
(audience laughing)
No, look at 'em.
Half of you people
don't know what I'm talkin' 'bout.
I'll tell ya exactly what it's like
to go to a dirt track race
on Saturday night.
You guys are gonna love it.
Let me show you what I'm talkin' about.
(upbeat bluegrass music)
♪ Sippin' moonshine with my daddy ♪
♪ As he rats on Richard Patty ♪
♪ Mama's in the infield ♪
♪ tryna pick a knife fight ♪
(audience laughing)
♪ And Pawpaw's hoping for a pit stop ♪
♪ My sister lost her tube top ♪
♪ Everybody's grinning on ♪
♪ the dirt track Saturday night ♪
♪ Dirt track Saturday night ♪
♪ Everybody's turnin' left ♪
♪ never never right ♪
♪ Dirt track Saturday night ♪
♪ Come on in and ♪
♪ get your lug nut tight ♪
(drill zipping)
♪ Moonshine with my Daddy ♪
Come on!
♪ Bribing Richard Patty ♪
♪ Mama's in the infield ♪
♪ tryna pick a knife fight ♪
♪ And Pawpaw's hoping for a pit stop ♪
♪ My sister lost her tube top ♪
♪ Everybody's grinning on ♪
♪ the dirt track Saturday night ♪
♪ Everybody's grinning on ♪
♪ the dirt track Saturday night ♪
♪ Everybody's grinning ♪
And my favorite driver's winning
("I Wish I Was In Dixie")
(cars whizzing)
(upbeat bluegrass music continues)
♪ Everybody's grinning on ♪
♪ the dirt track Saturday night ♪
♪ Dirt track Saturday night ♪