-We don't always have enough time
to cover everything in the recent news,
so here with a recap is one of our writers, Amber Ruffin,
in a segment we call "Amber Says What."
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey, you guys! Things have been crazy!
Okay. First of all, the "Cats" movie came out,
and people who love musicals were like, "What?!"
And people who love cats were like, "What?!"
And everyone else was like, "What?"
[ Laughter ]
Then, I heard they were in such a hurry to get it out
by Christmas that they sent it into theaters unfinished.
Now, you can tell if you're seeing the unfinished version
because you can see Judi Dench's hand.
And I was like, "What... does it matter?"
These cats have whole-ass human faces.
Don't nobody care about a hand.
Give Judi Dench a pair of mittens and get on with it.
Then, I heard that Trump was talking trash
about Greta Thunberg, and I was like, "What?"
Of course he's gonna try to rag on Greta Thunberg.
He hates children.
He tried to send five children to prison
for a crime they didn't commit.
He hates children!
He takes them away from their families at the border.
The man hates children.
He wouldn't even help this child,
and he was home alone, lost in New York.
[ Laughter ]
Then, Madame Tussauds wax museum
unveiled their new statue of Nicki Minaj.
And I looked at that statue and was like, "Whaaaat?"
[ Laughter ]
Who is that?
How could you mess up so badly?
What picture did you use as a reference?
One somebody drew?
Now, I can't help but notice
you got the face wrong but the ass right?
[ Laughter ]
Who made this statue, a 13-year-old boy?
This doesn't look like Nicki Minaj.
It looks like the lady who calls the cops
when you play Nicki Minaj too loud.
[ Laughter ]
Then, I heard Rod Stewart punched a bouncer,
and I was like, "Whaaat... old singer is he?"
Is he this one? And my friend was like no.
And then I was like, "Is he this one?"
And my friend was like no.
Then I was like, "Is he this one?"
And my friend was like yes. And I was like, "What?!"
[ Laughter ]
♪ What, what what, what what? ♪
♪ And you think I'm sexy ♪
♪ Come on, sugar, let me what ♪
[ Light laughter ] It was very fun.
Then, I heard actress Sharon Stone
was blocked on Bumble, and I was like,
"What...is Bumble?" Because I'm married.
Apparently, it's a dating app,
and people were reporting her account as fake
because they couldn't believe it was really Sharon Stone.
And I was like,
"What is Sharon Stone doing on a dating app?"
There should be a dating app
where people sign up to date Sharon Stone.
In fact, I'm gonna make one.
Try to date Sharon Stone with the new dating app
Romancing the Stone. [ Light laughter ]
With Romancing the Stone,
love's just a Sharon Stone's throw away.
♪♪
[ Laughter ]
Speaking of famous blondes, put Rod Stewart back up.
I have another one.
♪ Forever what ♪
♪ For-ever what ♪
[ Light laughter ]
Then, everyone was talking about how Dr. Phil's son
put his house up for sale, and I was like,
"What? Who cares?"
But everyone was like, "You got to look at it."
And I did, and I was like, "What?!"
A person lives here?!"
Then, I saw that his house had a wall of guns in it,
and I was like, "What?"
If you're a psychologist and your son has a wall of guns,
you are a bad psychologist.
[ Laughter ]
Hey, speaking of bad boys, put Rod Stewart back up.
[ Light laughter ]
♪ Have I told you lately that I what what? ♪
[ Laughter ]
Then, I saw Miss America, Miss USA, and Miss Teen USA
are all black women, and I was like, "What, what?!"
Then, a black lady won Miss Universe,
and I was like, "Whaaat?"
Then another lady won Miss World and I was like, "What?"
See, white people?
We can have nice stuff, too. It won't kill you.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, I was so proud of them.
Then I was like, "Wait. Is every black woman a pageant winner?
Am I a pageant winner?"
And then I checked, and I am.
This has been "Miss Late Night Says What."
[ Cheers and applause ]