Now Kimberly, you're sitting with
your 10 year old right now, right?
I actually just switched over to my six year old.
Okay, and six year old, can you hear me?
Abram, can you hear? Yeah.
How you doin?
How you doin'? Good, good.
So, do you enjoy,
oh, now we got another one.
That's Anna, she's seven. Hi Anna, how are you?
(Anna vocalizing) We're not a cat
we're a human being
so use your words please. Okay.
Yeah, if you guys,
if I ask you guys to help your mom
do some things
you'd be able to do that, right?
Like your chores, without arguing?
We don't have to do chores on Sunday and Saturday.
You do too have to do your chores
on Saturday and Sunday,
'cause if not, mommy has to do them.
I'm tall. I mean no homework.
Yes, no homework on the weekends,
that's correct. Yay!
All right good, that's very interesting,
I'm glad to hear that.
Kimberly, here's the thing,
look, nobody's gonna do anything
exactly the way you want to do it
and if you strive for perfection
you're setting yourself up for failure,
you will never get there,
you will never climb that hill
'cause it just doesn't exist.
Perfection is a myth, it's not there.
But excellence, on the other hand,
is something that you can pursue,
it's something that you can get.
So, what I'm going to tell you
is you have to adjust your expectations,
you have to decide, "Okay, I may delegate
"to five other people and get 80% of what I want,
"but I've delegated to five other people,
"which means, I can be in six places at one time.
"I can be where I am and those five places
"with 80% efficiency."
Well, that's 400% coverage that you have
instead of 100%, because you're in
five different places with 80% efficiency
of what you want.
You've just got to be willing to say,
"I'm willing to give up 20% of how I would do it
"to allow myself permission to turn that loose
"and relax over here for a period of time."
And your children have got to understand
there is a new plan here (Abram shouting)
that they're going to have to do
the work they need to do
in order to get to do what they want to do.
And that's a very simple principle
and Dana, I want you to hear the same thing.
It's called the Premack Principle
and it's very simple.
You require someone to do what they need to do
in order to have access to what they want to do.
And that is one of
the most fundamental behavioral principles
that is used to shape behavior
and that's why we eat our peas
before we eat our cake,
that's why we do our homework
before we watch "The Simpsons",
that's why we do the things that we need to do,
like clean our room and make our bed,
before we go outside and play.
And it only works if you are very rigid
in applying it,
they have to do a before they get b.
And they may resist that at first
but if you stick to it
they absolutely will fall in line
and be good helpers and soldiers
and a calmness will come over your life
because you will have more time.
Can you guys do that?
I will definitely try my best.
I do think I can do it.
I can assure you, I'll give it my all.
I feel like I'm already trying to do that,
it's the guilt associated with that,
I should be able to do it all
and I don't want to take away the fact
that they are still children,
that's my biggest struggle.
Well, I'm giving you permission,
I'm the expert here and I'm telling you,
being a child does not mean having no responsibilities.
And being a parent does not mean being guilty
because you prepare your child
to be independent and self reliant.
Being a good parent involves teaching your child
to do for themselves.
You should feel guilty
if you are allowing your child to be lazy
and not do what they need to learn to do
and you should feel good about teaching them
to be self sufficient and be independent.
So, you've got it exactly backwards
and I'm asking you to try it my way
for a week and see what happens.