[ Up-tempo music plays ]
-Speaking of the ocean...
[ Laughter ]
...two weeks ago, we made a joke about peeing
on a jellyfish sting as a means of pain relief.
We were told that is a myth.
It won't actually provide any pain relief
if you urinate on a jellyfish sting.
And this was actually the myth was begun, was started...
By Jacques Cousteau...
on his short-lived...
1960s prank show "Jacque'd."
[ Laughter ]
Uh, worth, uh, the wait.
[ Laughter ]
We are off and running. I made a joke in "A Closer Look"
that Henry Winkler stole the Fonzie jacket,
and someone said he couldn't have stolen
the black leather Fonzie jacket,
because he, Henry Winkler himself,
brought that jacket to the "Happy Days" set
from a previous film he had done,
called "Lords of Flatbush."
He did this because he actually thought the original jacket,
which was sort of a red windbreaker,
wasn't cool enough to play Fonzie.
So apologies to Henry Winkler.
He did not steal the jacket from the set of "Happy Days."
He stole it from the set of "Lords of Flatbush."
[ Laughter ]
All jokes aside, Henry, who we love
-- we love Henry -- he recently auctioned off
one of the original Fonzie jackets
to raise money for a great charity
called This Is About Humanity.
Do check that charity out.
Maybe make a donation. It's a great cause.
Henry is not just one of our favorite guests,
one of our favorite actors,
he is a wonderful human being
who will steal from sets.
[ Laughter ]
I guess I also incorrectly called his character
"the Fonzie."
[ Laughter ]
Um, it's either --
Obviously, it's either "Fonzie" or "the Fonz."
It was, though -- It was -- It was -- [ Laughs ]
It was "the Fonzie" on the Russian remake
of "Happy Days," called, um...
"This Days, While Not Happy, Are Still Days."
[ Laughter ]
Who can -- Who can forget that iconic theme song?
[ Laughter ]
[ Russian accent ] ♪ Monday, Tuesday, these are days ♪
[ Laughter ]
♪ Wednesday, Thursday, also days ♪
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] Hey, this is a lovely gift someone sent me.
Did you guys know, this whole time we've been doing this,
there is a New Jersey Jackals,
are an independent baseball team that I think we're in Montclair
and now moving to Paterson, New Jersey, next year.
And I guess, because they were moving,
there was sort of a fire sale on Jackal merch.
And so I, I got this little fella here,
and I think he's just gonna be a fun addition
to the whole "Corrections" family.
You know, I'll say things like,
"Are you enjoying 'Corrections?'"
[ Laughter ]
And that's what we call a special-effects budget.
[ Laughter ]
We mentioned a worm in a bottle of tequila.
We were told it would be mescal.
While it's often misrepresented as a worm,
it's a moth larvae.
But I will say, I've had some mescal in my day.
If you drink enough, you can't taste the difference.
[ Laughter ]
We had a joke about the life expectancies --
life expectancy -- of, um, men in America.
And we said it's currently 76.1 years old.
This was the graphic we showed.
And somebody said, very fairly, this is a terrible graphic
because if where the arrow is now is at 76.1,
that means that the original life expectancy
is, like, over a thousand years old.
So thank you for that heads-up.
We do like to get our graphics right.
Nobel laureate. I pronounced it "laur-ee-ott."
That's a bummer to get wrong, 'cause it's a smart thing.
And if you want to seem like a smart person
and you call it a Nobel "laur-ee-ott,"
kind of playing yourself.
And I was making fun of somebody else.
It's a bad look.
It's like saying, "Check out that rocket 'sky-en-tist.'"
[ Laughter ]
Ooh.
We named some Minnesota towns.
I said "Owa-toh-na." It's "Owa-ton-na."
This was based on the fact that Mike Lindell
got arrested at a Hardee's in Mankato,
and then we said an Arby's in Owatonna.
Got to get it right. And then we said
a Jack in the Box in Oconomowoc.
At the time, we have a fantastic producer
at the show, named Emily, and Emily said,
"Just FYI, there's not a Jack in the Box in Oconomowoc."
And we were all like, "Nobody's gonna say anything."
Y'all did.
Guess we've got a large amount of viewers from Oconomowoc
who were very upset about the fact that their town
doesn't have a Jack in the Box,
because a lot of you came out and said that.
The problem is, "a Jack in the Box in Oconomowoc"
is just too much fun to say.
And we weren't going to let the facts
get in the way of our fiction. We just liked it.
It was also late-breaking, I should say.
It was a Fuddruckers in Lake Minnetonka.
And then, about 5 minutes before showtime,
Baze came up with "a Jack in the Box in Oconomowoc,"
the same way Baze always does.
You think he's asleep or dead, and...
[ Laughter ]
...we're trying to come up -- and he just sort of rises up.
"A Jack in the Box in Oconomowoc."
And then, while we're laughing, he just very slowly...
[ Laughter ]
But I just wouldn't be too picky,
because a lot of people say, "Oh, 'Late Night'
is so political these days.
Why can't you all be more like Johnny Carson?"
A Jack in the Box in Oconomowoc is the most Johnny Carson thing,
I feel like, we said in a long time.
[ As Carson ] "A Jack in the Box in Oconomowoc.
Have you been to Oconomowoc?
Go to Oconomowoc, walk walk off your economo.
Do you get that? Do you like that, Ed?"
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] I think you have to hold the base.
We're learning.
Well, get a get a close-up, Alex.
Don't miss this gold.
[ Laughter ]
Alright. Alright.
Ooh. Talked about if you found a survivor on The Titanic.
And I said, "Wouldn't it be a fun --
A great screenplay would be if there had been a survivor
who was 110 years old and you went down
and you had to decide, would you bring them up?"
A lot of people said, "Well, it actually sank 110 years ago,
so a survivor would have to at least be 111 years old."
But other than that, the screenplay is perfect.
You guys, it turns out there was a movie --
a TV movie in 1981 -- with that basic plot,
called "Goliath Awaits."
Did you ever see "Goliath Awaits," Shoemaker?
Does that ring any bells?
It would have been the kind of movie you'd watch,
because it wasn't on cable. Um...
[ Laughter ]
Mark Harmon. Eddie Albert, Christopher Lee,
and it was basically some oceanographers.
They find a shipwreck.
And our friend -- good old friend, Mark Harmon,
goes down and, I guess, through a porthole,
sees a beautiful woman and goes back
and he says, "There must be an air bubble or something,
because there are some survivors on The Goliath.'"
That was the name of the ship.
And, well, I don't have to tell you any more.
Let's see a clip.
[ Machinery whirring, tapping on metal ]
-There you hear that?
That is an S.O.S.
-Yeah, I hear. I just -- I just can't believe it.
-Thank you, Robert Forster.
[ Laughter ]
And that was a little unfair, because, obviously,
I want you to come back for "Corrections,"
but I do think we'll be showing
a new clip from "Goliath Awaits."
1981, "Goliath Awaits." It was two nights.
It was a two-night event.
Went back and read some reviews.
They weren't great.
But sometimes...
time helps great art.
[ Laughter ]
I referred to the Queen
as "our" monarch.
You all pointed out that she was not "my" monarch.
I should not have said "our."
With one of you saying, "Who knows?
Maybe Seth just outed himself as an undercover British spy."
To which I say...
[British accent] Well, well, well.
Looks like the game is up.
We've had a nice run, though, haven't we, boys?
[ Laughter ]
if this is the end of things, I don't mind.
I go out drinking the queens.
I kept you on your back hills long enough.
[ Laughter ]
Mispronounced certain words to make you believe
I was an American...
Nobel "laur-ee-ott."
[ Laughter ]
But now the game is over.
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughter ]
I'm regretting my closing joke, but I feel I'm part committed.
[ Laughter ]
I want to make it clear that this is a joke.
This is not a sponsorship. It's just a closing joke.
[ Laughter ] The game is up.
Guess it's time to go home and collect my "Twinnings."
[ Laughter ]
[ Thud ]
[ Normal voice ] See me next week.