- What's up guys?
My name is Kristen Mcatee.
And today, I'm going to be reading
some of my old diary entrees.
This is from when I was like, 10 or 11.
I was pretty young, and very heartbroken surprisingly.
Let's get into the first one.
(energetic music)
September 15th 2006.
I only have time to write this right now
because I have some time before the dance.
I'm pretty sure this was like homecoming dance
of like sixth grade year.
I know exactly where this is going. (laughs)
This'll be the first one I'm attending with Matt.
Which was my boyfriend at the time.
So, I think it'll be fun.
Some people are wearing dresses,
but I'm definitely keeping things chill.
I literally wore like, grey sweatpants
and like a little like sporty shirt
and those like thick tongue DC's.
I was feeling pretty confident too, I'm not gonna lie.
I don't wanna get my hopes up too high,
but I really hope Matt and I
kiss for the first time tonight.
It's been eight months.
That's not a lie.
We literally dated for eight months.
Never kissed, held hands like one time.
That was kind of the extent of our relationship.
I'll update you after the dance diary.
Bye.
Xoxo Kristen.
Okay, so the next day.
Saturday, September 16th 2006.
Dear diary, today I woke up with a heavy heart.
I know I shouldn't say this word,
but I feel like S-H-I-T, yes .
I'm so mad.
How can one person make me feel so sad.
The dance did not go as planned.
Me and Matt slow danced together,
I saw people looking at us.
But even though he's my boyfriend,
we only danced one time and then
he danced with a lot of girls.
That night at the dance, (sighs) Matt broke up with me.
He called me outside and was just like,
I think we need to brake up.
And then I remember walking away
and going up to my friend Miranda.
And I remember, Miranda goes.
Are you okay?
And right when she said are you okay.
That's when I wasn't okay.
It's like when you see a baby fall.
Like if you give it attention it's gonna cry.
That's kind of what I went through.
This is kind of like regression therapy.
Like, I'm like...
I'm almost feeling my heart break again.
And I haven't talked to this kid in years.
I'm okay, everything's fine. (chuckles)
Is this what broken hearts feel like?
Little Kristen, not at all. (chuckles)
Yeah we only held hands and never kissed,
but I'm so glad I didn't waste my kiss virginity on him.
(chuckles) Tonight there was a game and Matt
of course was playing and I was cheering.
Maybe I imagined this, but while we sang
the anthem before the game he looked back
and we locked eyes for a second.
My heart broke for the second time.
Maybe like Miranda says, he doesn't deserve me.
But I want him to deserve me. (chuckles)
Some day I'm gonna end up with a guy
who's like Chad Michael Murray hot and nice.
So he's gonna be sorry then.
You know what, I am with a guy
that's hot like Chad Michael Murray now.
So maybe he is sad.
June 22nd 2007.
Dear diary, holy crap.
You're not gonna believe this.
Remember the beginning of the year
when I was dating Matt.
And remember when we went to the homecoming
dance together and danced for one song
before he tore my heart into a million pieces
and danced with other girls.
Well, it turns out the school photographer
just so happened to be there for that one song
and took a picture.
And now it's in the yearbook.
(sad trombone)
(chuckles) The only thing that makes me
feel a tiny bit better about the whole thing
is the fact that we TP'd his house last fall.
It was like all fun and games,
you know like throwing the toilet paper, giggling ha ha.
But I got like really emotional.
I threw like an egg at his garage
and I was just so upset and just torn.
But uh, got payback.
My boyfriend now, Scott.
He's one of those people that are like...
I don't want to hear about your past.
Had nothing to do with me.
You're mine now, that's all that matters.
But something like a sixth grade relationship
I think he would just chuckle at too.
If I could speak to 11 year old Kristen right now.
I would go to that school dance
and I would tell her exactly what my mom told me,
like one of my first like actual heart breaks.
She held me and she said.
Mourn, let yourself get sad, but in the end
suck it up, move on your gonna be fine.
And I would tell her that.
And I still tell all of my friends
that go through heartbreaks the same thing
that it's gonna get better, it always gets better.
Recently I actually started writing in a diary again.
I do write the date at the top.
I kind of write how I was feeling, what I did that day.
And I think it'll be cool to look back on, show my kids.
You know I write stuff about Scott and I.
And I'd love to show my kids.
Look, this is when me and your dad fell in love.
And stuff like that.
I think it'll be cool to look back on.
(light pop music)