therapist reacts raw to Heart Stopper Darcy and Tara if our love is wrong
then I don't want to be right men Delight
welcome to therapist reacts raw where my producers give me clips from shows that I haven't watched
before or other things to react to that I've never seen before and I react in real time with
my expertise in mental health and in healthy relationships we've been going through Heart
Stopper which honestly I keep thinking I need to watch this show but first I got to get through
all of my Marvel shows and my Star Wars shows and get through all the Bridgerton and like all these
things and the more I watch hard stuff I'm like I need to move this up in my queue it's really
sweet and really powerful and just beautiful and I'm digging it but for now reacting raw to Cliffs
you can expect me to to do some gets therapies when I actually watch the show and get into it
which will be soon but for now Darcy and Tara if our love is wrong I have no context for this so
if I miss anything in my assessment let me know as I go but I'm going to let you know what I think as
I watch let's do this all of this could have been avoided if I just okay I do know actually seeing
seeing who this is Tara was Nick's girlfriend when they were younger Nick has now come out
as gay and is dating Charlie so Tara is the black girl here and let's see what happens all of this
could have been avoided if I just what I told everyone I was a lesbian yeah but um I guess
that's not something you'd really want to lie about it won't be a lie you know it's hard a
lot of people will see you in a different way and it is a lot to deal with sharing stuff like that
changes everything not always for the better oh no wonder she and her friend were so accepting I'm
confident about being a lesbian because they're not just friends lesbians are so disgusting
I I mentioned in a previous Heart Stopper video that one of the reasons this show is
so powerful is it captures a a more loving and accepting side of the lgbtqia experience
um because so many movies and TV shows in the past have focused on the struggle for acceptance and
the struggle against bigotry and the struggle against prejudice and more and more people
are out and they're accepted and they're loved and they're welcome and they're seen as equal
but the bigotry and the Prejudice hasn't gone away and so we're seeing in the show that there
is that balance and Tara she knows she's a lesbian she knows she's attracted to women it seems like
just I'm 30 seconds in this clip but this person who I thought well these are uh these are Nick's
straight friends uh they're not and she wants to be out she wants to be seen she wants to be
accepted but the great fear is I won't be and that fear is not without basis she's listening to to
people in school say lesbians are so disgusting as a straight male about the lgbtqia experience or as
a white person about the black experience or as a man about the female or non-binary experience is
everything I see that is true to the experience and is presented with empathy and compassion
broadens my understanding of experiences different from mine and I gain sympathy for them and I
gain empathy for them but I also see in every experience no matter who it is something that
I can relate to it could be our personality it could be our religious beliefs it could be
our political views and I'm not suggesting that that's the same as race or gender or sexuality
issues what I am suggesting is being authentically openly you can be scary because there will always
be people who see that as a threat to their worldview there will always be people who see
that as a threat to what they believe is right and wrong there will always be people who see
that as a threat to what they think is normal and my view is that we need to make room at the table
for each other that if we're open to learning from one another's experience without judgment
that it can be so beautiful the diversity and some of you watching this are going
to be are going to say that jono's virtue signaling and that he's woke and whatever
it's only virtue signaling if it's not sincere if it's sincere it's just preaching and I'm preaching
and testifying folks I get a lot online of people saying you're a straight white religious male
you are exactly the type of person that I very often don't feel safe with and yet I feel safe
with you people tell me this and I don't say this to boast about myself I say this because
why do they feel safe with me because I'm eager to learn from them because I'm eager to learn
from them without judgment what happens is when I show that I want to know who you are and love
who you are then I can be authentically me whenever I talk about my faith for example
people tell me that it doesn't bother them when I do it because they don't feel threatened by
it like they do by other people why because I'm not imposing it why because I'm just sharing me
and whoever you are whatever your gender whatever your race whatever your beliefs whatever your
sexuality it's about sharing you and finding the people who will see you and value you and love you
and you have to recognize of course that there will always be haters and detractors
and it's hard but those were never your people anyway
[Music]
deleted yes so all these positive comments and then the negative one she's just like deleting
that crap I don't need that toxicity in my life [Music] whoa love it because that is
the opposite of Ben Ben who was ashamed again it's okay to take your time to figure out your
sexuality it's okay to take time to come out once you have but the issue is that Ben was
mistreating the person that he supposedly cared about to protect his cover right that's not love
whereas Tara is happy to show everybody Darcy is who I care about Darcy is my girlfriend Darcy is
my person and I'm not ashamed of that and I'm not ashamed to show it and you can hate all you want
that's beautiful honestly we feel like we don't we need to keep it that quietly
[Music]
you're too pretty to be a lesbian delete that crap what a waste oh gosh
okay but I see this I see these comments online for sure [Music] we can do that
[Music] come on this is sweet AF Ghan [Music]
our love is wrong I don't ever want to be right the paradigm shift for me as a straight person
is I was at a conference I was in graduate school marriage and family therapy conference
and something that I pride myself on is I like to learn about experiences that aren't mine so when
I was in doing my undergrad I took a woman studies course and I was one of the only guys in there and
people were giving me crap about it and saying are you taking a woman studies course because
you want to meet chicks and I said no I'm taking a woman studies course because I'm not a woman
and if I'm going to be a therapist I have to understand women because a lot because the sizable
percentage of the population right and I can't be on the outskirts not understanding that experience
and so I'm at this conference and I'm looking for you know breakout sessions to attend and
one of them was about queer people and faith and as a person of Faith who didn't know a
lot about the queer experience I'm like that's interesting that's a learning opportunity so I
went to this breakout session and in one hour so many of my ideas were challenged
and shook to their foundation and honestly this is the power of Heart Stopper and media
like modern family and things like that is the portrayal of people who just like me
want to share their life with someone who just like me want to be held want to hold someone's
hand yes there's a sexual component to us we're sexual beings but they want a spoon
they want to snuggle they want to laugh they want to go on Hikes they want to have picnics
they want to balance their checkbook and do their taxes together they want to create a life together
and in some cases you know like in Modern Family raise a family together
that I saw myself in people that I had never seen myself in before and that shifted so much for me
and so that's that's one of the reasons why I am really digging the vibe of this show
and when I say it's wholesome is because it's heartfelt and it's sweet and it's about the
goodness right the ultimate goodness that we all have inside of us the capacity to
treat each other well digging it digging Heart Stopper probably gonna move up in my cue [Music]
oh I just want it [Music] well and I dig the the design of the show The artistry
now here's something I'll say because maybe some of the things I'm saying are turning off those
of you who are more conservative traditional in your morals or or religious right and and
from a more traditional religion look I am here's what I landed on I'm fairly morally conservative
personally right I waited until I was married to have sex that was my value and that's what
I wanted to do and I discovered the healthy way to do that is to not shame or judge people who don't
hold that value who see the world differently all faiths teach us to love one another and
when we love one another we see the very best in one another when we love one another we see
our shared Humanity so if what I've been saying is challenging or uncomfortable for you consider this
it is not your job to judge it is your job to welcome who are we to judge
everyone has to do what they feel and believe is right we all have to follow our own inner
moral compass and my personal religious beliefs dictate how I choose to live my life not how I
expect others to live theirs and so when people come to me and they say this is the person I love
and I want to spend my life with them or I think I'm into this person I want to see where it goes
I'm happy for them because they're following their inner star we all have to follow that inner moral
compass wherever it leads us we're all looking for life liberty and the pursuit of happiness
have I been preachy in this therapist reacts raw yeah I've been preachy as hell you know
what I've got no problem with that because that's who I am right just being real and authentic what
do you think about Darcy and Tara what do you think about a Heart Stopper what am I missing
out on because I'm just catching it in segments let me know in the comments below I don't mind
spoilers I just because even when things have been spoiled I still just enjoy the experience
of watching it if you are lgbtqia we want you to know that mended light is a safe space for
you to be welcome and to be treated as anybody else if you need support in your relationships
if you need support dealing with trauma if you need support in your healing whatever
your sexuality whatever your race whatever your religion wherever you're from we're here for you
go to mendedlight.com and check out the variety of options that we have for you if you enjoyed this
video I've got a whole series of Heart Stopper videos for you to check out one of them is going
to pop up here in just a second until next time folks keep shining we need your light
[Music] thank you