IT IS ALREADY MAY, ST ALREADY MAY, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
WE'RE ALMOST HALFWAY THROUGH, 2021.
2020 LASTED FIVE DECADES.
AND WE'RE ALMOST ALREADY HALFWAY THROUGH THIS YEAR.
BUT HEY, IT'S MAY IN L.A. AND I SAY THAT'S OKAY, REG REG-AY, YOU
SLAY.
EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TONIGHT, TODAY IS
GUILLERMO'S BIRTHDAY.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GUILLERMO.
(APPLAUSE) WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
AND IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH EXCITEMENT FOR ONE SHOW, AND IT
IS, LET'S BE HONEST IT IS, FOR DOLLAR VERSUS REWARD, THAT IS
ENOUGH EXCITEMENT.
BUT IT IS EVEN BIGGER THAN THAT, BECAUSE CBS'S VERY OWN, BACK AT
IT AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME, BACK IN THE BUILDING, NICK
BERNSTEIN IS IN THE STUDIO.
THERE HE IS.
NICK HAS BEEN WORKING AT HOME FOR THE LAST 14 MONTHS.
THIS IS THE FIRST DAY HE'S ALLOWED BACK IN.
NICK, EXPLAIN TO EVERYBODY WATCHING, WHEN I SAY EVERYBODY
WATCHING, ALL OF US, WHAT IT ASK, WHAT IT IS YOU DO.
>> WHAT IT IS I DO.
>> James: YEAH, WHAT IS YOUR JOB?
>> YOU KNOW HOW SOMETIMES YOU YELL AT ROB BECAUSE HE'S THE MAN
WHO KEEPS YOU-- DOESN'T ALLOW YOU TO DO THINGS.
>> James: YES.
>> THAT'S ME, ACTUALLY.
>> James: YES, BUT YOU ARE, WHAT IS IS YOUR TIGHT SNEL.
>> SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT OF LATE NIGHT PROGRAMMING FOR CBS.
>> James: SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT OF LATE NIGHT
PROGRAMMING.
>> THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS.
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> James: WE'RE SO HAPPY THAT YOU ARE HERE.
>> I AM TOO.
>> James: YOU ARE A BELOVED MEMBER OF THE TEAM AND WE HAVE
MISSED YOU THIS PAST YEAR.
>> THANK YOU.
>> James: AND BUT YESTERDAY, BEN, DOES EVERYBODY REMEMBER
BEN, BEN, PA.
>> I'M HERE.
>> James: BEN, HEY BEN.
>> HI JAMES.
>> James: SO THAT IS BEN.
BEN CAME TO MY HOUSE YESTERDAY AFTERNOON WITH HIS FAMILY AND WE
SAID NICK IS IN THE STUDIO.
WE'RE SO HAPPY.
AND WE BOTH AGREED THAT WE SHOULD GET NICK THE HIGHEST
CHAIR POSSIBLE.
>> YEAH.
>> James: AND SIT HIM BEHIND THE BAR.
>> YEAH.
>> James: AND WE REALLY COME THROUGH ON THAT, I HAD FORGOTTEN
ALL ABOUT IT, IF I'M HONEST UNTIL I WALKED IN AND SAW YOU
SAT THERE.
THAT IS A HIGH CHAIR.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
>> I FEEL GREAT JUST BEING HERE.
I HAVE A DIRECT LINE TO WATCHING REGGIE WITH THE SALAD, THIS IS
VERY COOL.
AND I MEAN, THIS IS AN UNBELIEVABLE EXPERIENCE ALREADY.
>> James: NOW THIS WON'T MEAN A LOT TO ALL OF THE VIEWERS, BUT
WE'VE ALL BEEN THROUGH SOME HAIR CHALLENGES THROUGH LOCKDOWN.
YOU MORE THAN ANY.
TALK ME THROUGH IT.
>> I MEAN-- .
>> James: HOW DID IT START AND WHEN DOES IT END?
>> TOUGH WAY TO GO INTO THE CONVERSATION BEING TOLD THIS IS
A CHALLENGE.
>> James: NO, I SAID WE HAVE ALL BEEN THROUGH A CHALLENGE.
BUT YOU HAVE, YOU HAVE, YOU'VE GROWN-- IAN, BACK ME UP F
SOMEONE SAID AT THE START OF LOCKDOWN THAT NICK BERNSTEIN
WOULD GROW HIS HAIR LIKE HE WAS THE FIFTH BEE GEE, NO ONE WOULD
HAVE BELIEVED IT.
>> NO, NO, NO, YOU WENT IN SHORT, BACK AND TIGHT.
YOU CAME OUTLINING A BACKUP FRAN LEIBOWITZ.
>> I ALWAYS GOT NERVOUS ABOUT ANYONE TRYING TO CUT CURLY HAIR
SO I JUST STARTED TO LET IT GO AND THEN IT TURNED INTO A THING.
AND NOW, SO, I THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS MORE OF A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER
FOR A-- .
>> James: I WILL GIVE YOU THAT, COULD YOU BE KENNY G'S
YOUNGER BROTHER THERE IS ANY NUMBER OF THINGS.
ANY NUMBER OF THINGS, BUT I'VE GOT TO SAY, I HEARD RUMORS ABOUT
THE HAIR, YOU HAVE SEEN NICK'S HAIR, HAVE YOU SEEN NICK'S HAIR.
I ACTUALLY RATHER LIKE IT.
>> Reggie: I DO TOO.
>> James: THERE YOU GO, BEFORE AND-- I HAVE GOT TO SAY, I LOVE
IT.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Reggie: I DO TOO.
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> James: YOU COULD BE LIKE THE-BASE PLAYER IN BUSH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, NOT THE ORIGINAL.
NOT THE ORIGINAL MEMBER OF BUSH, LIKE SOMETHING HAPPENED, HE LEFT
THE BAND, WE NEED A-BASE PLAYER, BERNSTEIN COMES IN, LICKS IT UP.
>> I'M HERE FOR T I'M HERE FOR ALL OF IT.
>> James: SO YOU ARE THE PIPELINE TO THE BIG CHEESES.
>> YES, MOST OF THE TIME THESE DAYS WHEN I GET ON A ZOOM WITH
PEOPLE WHO ARE PRESIDENTS AT CBS, I COME ON AND THEY JUST
SHAKE THEIR HEADLINING I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HIRED THIS.
>> James: BECAUSE OF THE HAIR.
>> CUZ OF THE HAIRS.
>> James: OR BECAUSE OF THE SUCCESS OF THE SHOW.
>> A LITTLE OF BOTH, LET'S BE HONEST.
WHAT IS THE FEELING OF THE NETWORK ABOUT HOW THE SHOW'S
PERFORMING?
>> IT FEELS LIKE AN OFF-LINE CONVERSATION, DON'T YOU THINK?
>> James: HEY, THIS IS IT, WE'RE ALL IN THE TRUST TREE NOW.
>> OKAY.
>> James: NO ONE FALLS INTO THE TRUST TREE, WE'RE GOING TO
GET TO PETE'S SHIRT IN A MINUTE.
FIRST LET'S START WITH THIS, HOW IS THE NETWORK FEELING THRILLED,
EXCITED ABOUT THIS ACT ONE AND HOW THINGS GO, IN THIS GENERAL
SECTION OF THE SHOW.
TOLD ME HOW MUCH THEY LOVE THE OPRAH CALL THE OTHER DAY.
HAD PEOPLE TELL ME ABOUT THE PATTI WILL YOU POAN,-- LUPONE,
HOW MUCH THEY LIKED THAT.
THEY ARE JUST EXCITED AND THEY WANT TO KEEP ON MAKING SHOWS.
>> James: LET'S DO IT.
>> James: JUST SO YOU KNOW, NICK, IT IS NOT REALLY A START
YOUR OWN ROUND OF APPLAUSE KIND OF PLACE.
>> OKAY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY.
>> James: IF YOU WATCH A SHOW T IS NOT REALLY A PLACE WHERE
IAN WILL GO AM I RIGHT, GUYS?
WELL, WE'RE THRILLED THAT YOU ARE HERE.
ARE YOU GOING TO STICK AROUND HERE ALL WEEK?
>> IT IS REALLY HARD TO GET OFF THE CHAIR SO I THINK I AM.
IT IS A REALLY HIGH CHAIR.
>> James: HERE IS WHAT I WILL DO, BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I
SHOULD KEEP YOU-- I APPLAUD YOU FOR TAKE TAKING SUCH A PUBLIC
POSITION ON YOUR FIRST DAY BACK.
I THINK WE DO, THIS THROUGHOUT THE WEEK, THAT CHAIR GETS
INCREMENTALLY HIGHER.
AND THEN, AND THEN ON THURSDAY, REG DOESN'T SING US OUT, NICK
DOES.
WE ALL LEAVE, AND THEN, AND THEN NICK YOU CAN JUST TAKE UP YOUR
PLACE WHEREVER YOU WANT IN THE STUDIO.
SOUND LIKE A GOOD DEAL.
>> ANYTHING YOU NEED, I'M HAPPY TO HELP WITH.
>> James: THAT'S WHY WE LOVE HIM.
THAT'S WHY WE LOVE HIM.
WELL, LOOK, WE COULD TALK LIKE THIS ALL DAY, WE COULD, CON WE?
WE COULD.
BUT THIS SHOW, THIS ISN'T A TALK SHOW.
>> USUALLY WE DO.
>> James: SORRY.
>> USUALLY WE DO.
>> James: YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHEN TO JUMP IN AND WHEN.
>> I WAS WAITING FOR-- GIVING SEVE A SECOND.
>> James: YOU REALLY HAVE GOT TO.
>> IAN IS A PROFESSIONAL COMEDIAN, NO, THEY-- THESE ARE
PROFESSIONAL COMEDIANS, YOU'VE GOT TO REALLY JUDGE WHEN ARE YOU
STARTING UP A-- YOU KNOW.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> James: BUT LOOK, WE COULD TALK LIKE THIS ALL DAY, COULDN'T
WE, NICK.
(LAUGHTER) WE COULD TALK LIKE THIS ALL DAY
BUT ISN'T TH ISN'T A TALK SHOW, IT'S IN THE A TALK SHOW, SFNT
IT.
WHAT DO PEOPLE COME HERE FOR, NICK.
>> THEY COME HERE FOR THE NEWS.
>> James: ABSOLUTELY, THEY DO, GOOD EVENING, AND WE'RE GOING TO
KICK OFF, WE'VE GOT SOME GREAT NEWS BECAUSE CALIFORNIA NOW HAS
THE LOWEST VIRUS RATES IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRY, WITH YET BEING
THE BEST DAY IN L.A. COUNTY, IN OVER A YEAR.
>> FINALLY.
>> James: INCREDIBLE.
AMAZING NEWS.
AMAZING STATISTIC.
AND I THINK WE ALL KNOW THAT THIS ULTIMATELY COMES DOWN TO
ONE THING.
THE HEALING.
>> THE HEALING POKER WITH OF CRYSTALS.
THE NUMBERS LACK REALLY HOPEFUL.
ONE DAY SOON PEOPLE IN L.A.
MIGHT FINALLY BE ABLE TO TOP TALK APPROXIMATING COVID AND GO
BACK TO WHAT THEY DO BEST, WHICH IS TALKING ABOUT THEMSELVES.
AND THIS IS EXCITING, DISNEYLAND IS NOW OPEN, THE FIRST TIME IN
OVER A YEAR THAT THE THEME PARK HAS BEEN OPENED TO GUESTS.
FINAL LIFE IS FINALLY RETURNING TO NORMAL.
NOW CALIFORNIA CAN GET BACK TO TO CUZZING ON IT'S PRIMARY
EPIDEMIC, DISNEY ADULTS.
BUT THE THEME PARK HAS BEEN CLOSED FOR OVER A YEAR AND IT
LOOKS LIKE DONALD DUCK USED HIS TIME TO FINALLY GET THAT NOSE
JOB HE ALWAYS WANTED.
WILL YOU BE GOING TO DISNEYLAND, WILL YOU GO NOW IT'S OPEN.
>> I'M NOT REALLY DRINKING RIGHT NOW.
>> James: OKAY.
AND DID EVERYBODY SEE THIS?
ACCORDING TO A NEW STUDY, LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE MAKES
OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU DO THE SAME.
IT IS PART OF A PHENOMENON WHICH CAUSES PEOPLE TO MIMIC EACH
OTHER'S BEHAVIOR.
IT'S CALLED THE CAMEL ONEFFECT-- CHAMELEON EFFECT, I
READ THIS STUDY WHILE RIDING THE ELEVATOR WITH GUILLERMO, OF
COURSE I'M GOING TO LOOK AT MY PHONE IF YOU START LOOKING AT
YOUR PHONE IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR CONVERSATION.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, STARE AT YOU, STARRING AT YOUR PHONE?
LOOK, THAT IS IT, THAT IS NOT EVEN FOR A JOKE, THAT IS
ACTUALLY WHAT HAPPENS DURING THE SHOW.
LOOK.
IF YOU ASK ME THOUGH, THIS STUDY IS GOOD NEWS.
NOW WHEN YOU ARE AT BRUNCH AND YOU GET CALLED OUT FOR LOOKING
AT YOUR HOME, YOU CAN BE LIKE I WAS JUST TESTING OUT THE
CHAMELEON EFFECT, MAYBE READ A RESEARCH PARTY ONCE IN A WHILE,
JANINE.
THIS IS A CRAZY STORY, A MAN WAS VISITING A PARK IN PENNSYLVANIA
OVER THE WEEKEND.
AND WHILE HE WAS USING A PORTA POTTY, A MASSIVE TREE FELL AND
TRAPPED HIM INSIDE.
HERE IT IS HERE.
LOOK AT THIS, RESCUERS ACTUALLY HAD TO CUT THROUGH THE TREE AND
THROUGH THE PORTA POTTY TO GET HIM OUT.
WHEN RESCUERS GOT TO THE DOOR THE MAN INSIDE WAS LIKE UH,
OCCUPIED.
YOU CAN IMAGINE IF THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME THIS GUY HAS LEFT THE
HOUSE IN LIKE A YEAR, HE'S LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT, I'VE BEEN
VACCINATED, I JUST NEED TO GET OUT AND ENJOY SOME NATURE, I'M
JUST SICK OF BEING TRAPPED INSIDE.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TRAPPED ANYWHERE.
PORTA POTTY, THAT SORT OF VIBE.
>> IN A COUPLE OF RELATIONSHIPS BUT NEVER PHYSICALLY.
>> James: I ONCE, HAVE YOU BEEN STUCK IN A LIFT HERE
BEFORE.
>> NO.
>> James: HAS THAT HAPPENED TO ANYBODY HERE?
>> NO, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
>> James: DO YOU-- YOU DON'T EVEN TAKE-- THERE ARE CERTAIN
YOU WON'T TAKE WSH.
>> NO.
>> James: YOU WON'T TAKE ANY OF THEM.
>> ABSOLUTELY NOT, NOT ANY MORE.
>> James: IT IS IS LIKE A WHITE
WHITE-KNUCKLE RIGHT, YOU WON'T GO IN THEM EITHER, WILL YOU,
ROB.
>> ONCE FLOYD MAYWEATHER GOT STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR HERE, I
HAVEN'T BEEN ON IF SINCE.
>> James: YOU WOULDN'T GO ON IT BEFORE.
>> I PROBABLY HAVEN'T BEEN IN A ELEVATOR IN WHAT, FOUR YEARS.
>> James: IT DOES SEEM LIKE ARE YOU WHITE NIK KNUCKLING.
NICK, CAN YOU SPEAK TO THE BIG CHEESES.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS A PROBLEM BUT NOW I WILL TRY TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT IT FOR YOU ALL.
>> James: IS THAT THE SORT OF THING YOU HAVE THE POWER TO DO.
>> IT HAS NEVER BEEN DISCUSSED.
>> James: THE WAY YOU SHAKE NOW IS.
>> INCREDIBLE.
>> James: LIKE A TIMOTAY COMMERCIAL.
SHAKE IT IN SLOW MOTION, GIVE US A NO, I MEAN LOOK AT THAT.
>> Reggie: LUSCIOUS.
>> James: ABSOLUTELY LUSCIOUS, LACK AT THIS, SLOW MO.
OH MY GOD.
WOW.
HAPPY MAY, EVERYBODY.
>> MAY I?
>> James: YES, YOU MAY, AND FINALLY IT'S PROM SEASON AND TO
MARK THE OCCASION RED LOBSTER HAS RELEASED A SPECIAL SET OF
INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO CREATE A LOVELY CORSAGE OR BOUTONNIERE
OUT OF, NO KIDDING, THEIR CHEDDAR BAY BISCUITS, HERE IS
THE END RESULT HERE.
LOOK AT THAT.
IT INVOLVES DPLEUING IT ON, BUT GLUE OR NO GLUE THAT'S GETTING
EATEN DRUNK AT 1 A.M.
A CHEDDAR BAY BISCUIT BOUTONNIERE, THIS WILL GO GREAT
WITH YOUR POPEYE'S FRIED CHICKEN CLUCKEXDO.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH TIFFANY HADDISH, EVERYBODY.