HOW IS EVERYONE DOING, LAST NIGHT WAS THE EMMY AWARDS, A BIG
THING HERE IN OLD TIN SELL TOWN LAST NIGHT, THE BIG WINNERS,
THE BIG WINNERS WERE "TED LASSO" AND "THE CROWN," SO CONGRATS TO
EVERYONE INVOLVED WITH THOSE SHOWS.
TED LASSO AND THE CROWN.
BIG NIGHT FOR SHOWS SET IN LONDON.
ENALSO JOHN OLIVER, IT MAKES THE STING EVEN MORE REAL FOR PEPPA
PIG.
CONSTANTLY IGNORED.
IN THE PRIME TIME EMMYS, I THINK DADDY PIG GOT NOMINATED IN 2006
AND EVER SINCE THEN IT HAS BEEN A SHUTOUT.
>> AND IT WAS FOR LIKE A GUEST ON ANOTHER SHOW.
>> THAT WAS SUZIE SHEEP.
SUZY SHEEP HAS BEEN NOMINATED TWICE FOR HER WORK HOSTING SNL.
BUT IGNORED WITHIN THE REALM OF PEPPA PIG.
AND DADDY PIG NOM NATIONALLED IN 2006 WHICH WAS A LANDMARK QUEER
BUT STILL NOT A WIN.
>> THEY WANT TO PRETEND LIKE HOLLYWOOD DOESN'T DISCRIMINATION
AGAINST-- BUT THERE IT IS IN PLAIN ENGLISH.
>> James: 100%, THERE ST. BUT SEEING TED LASSO WIN ALL
THOSE AWARDS GOT ME THINKINGK I THINK I WILL SPEND THE NEXT YEAR
HOSTING THE DENVER BRONCOS.
YOU DJED AT THE EMMYS YOU WERE REALLY GOOD.
>> YEAH, IT WAS FUN.
>> James: ONE THING DID STRIKE ME, YOU DIDN'T EAT A SALAD
DURING THE SHOW.
THE EMMYS START AT 5 P.M. WHICH IS WHEN WE TRADITIONALLY
NORMALLY ALWAYS START THIS SHOW.
THEY WENT LONGER THAN WE HAVE EVER TAPED THIS SHOW.
IT WAS BY MY RECKONING, SEVEN HOURS.
AND NOT ONE SALAD DID I SEE EATEN.
>> Reggie: WELL, IT WAS TOUGH, THEY ARE VERY KIND OF AGAINST
OUTSIDE FOOD THEY THINK I ARE SMUGGLING WEAPONS IN.
>> James: I WILL SAY MORE THAN ANY OTHER TELL CASTS THERE WERE
A COUPLE OF POINTS WHEN WERE YOU TALKINGK OF ANY TELL CAST I HAVE
EVER SEEN I SAW MORE PEOPLE WALK INTO FRAME AND WALK OUT.
I HAVE NEVER WATCHED A SHOW EVER IN MY LIFE WHERE THAT MANY
PEOPLE WENT-- OH, OH.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: IT WAS RELENTLESS, PEM WERE LIKE DPSH-- THE BIT I
LOVED THAT YOU DID THE MOST WAS THAT OFF-THE-CUFF BIT YOU DID
ABOUT KIA.
>> THEY WERE LIKE DO SOMETHING ABOUT KIA SO I JUST CAME UP WITH
SOME COFFEE.
>> James: I DIDN'T KNOW YOU KNEW THAT MUCH ABOUT KIA.
>> IT WAS A RANDOM COLLECTION, THEY WERE LIKE CHOOSE A CAR
COMPANY, OBVIOUSLY KIA.
AN THEN THEY ARE LIKE NOW WE'RE-- STRUCTURE AN
INTEGRATION, WELL, SORRY,.
>> James: THAT IS ALL WE'RE GOING TO DO.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: WELL WELL IT'S TIME FOR THE NEW, AS YOU KNOW
PRESIDENT BIDEN WAS SET TO ROLLOUT COVID BOOSTER SHOTS FOR
MOST AMERICANS BUT OVER THE WEEKEND THE FDA SHOT DOWN THAT
PLAN A SAYING ONLY THE MOST VULNERABLE NEED BOOSTERS.
I THINK YOU NEED TO DEFINE VULNERABLE.
YESTERDAY I SAW A COMMERCIAL WITH BATHROOM TISSUE THAT COP
TAINS ALOE VERA, THIS IS WHERE I AM EMOTIONALLY, BIDEN IS MUCH
CAKING FLAK, I CAN RELATE TO OVER PROMISING THE PUBLIC IN
ORDER TO LIFT SPIRITS.
WHENEVER I LOOK DOWN THE LENS AND SAY WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
TONIGHT, I DON'T KNOW.
THE FDA IS OFFERING A COMPROMISE, THEY SAID IF YOU ARE
STILL IN NEED OF A BOOST THO SAY JUST WATCH A FEW MINUTES OF NICK
BERNSTEIN ON A HORSE AND THAT WILL GIVE YOU ALL THE BOOST THEY
NEED.
>> IN OTHER NEWS THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION ANNOUNCED TODAY
THAT THEY WILL BE DROPPING THE TRAVEL BAN FOR INTERNATIONAL
TRAVELERS THE FIRST TIME THE PANDEMIC BEGAN, AS LONG AS ARE
YOU FULLY VACCINATED YOU CAN COME TO AMERICA TARTING IN
NOVEMBER, WHAT WITH THAT WHAT ABOUT THAT, I DIDN'T EVEN NEED
THE NEWS FOR THIS.
I WOKE UP TO THREE SEPARATE FEKS FROM MY DAD, WITH DIFFERENT
LINKS TO NEWS AND THE LAST ONE WAS JUST BRITISH AIRWAYS.
WE'RE CALLING IT-- BOOKED ON ANY OF THESE-- ALTHOUGH MOM AND DAD,
IF YOU ARE WATCHING, I WANT YOU TO BRING
MOM AND DAD, BRING FLAKES, AERO'S,
DOUBLE DECKERS, CADBURY BUTTONS,
PERCY PIGS, WINE GUMS,
AND THEN, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE SOMETHING FOR THE KIDS.
COUNTRIES, INCLUDING THE UNITED KINGDOM, CAN NOW HAVE
NONESSENTIAL TRAVEL TO THE UNITED STATES.
UP UNTIL NOW, IT'S BEEN LIMITED TO MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT AND,
FROM WHAT I CAN WORK OUT, THE ENTIRE CAST OF "TED LASSO."
AND WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS.
OVER THE WEEKEND, AN ACROBAT IN PARIS WALKED ACROSS A NEARLY
TWO-THOUSAND-FOOT-LONG SLACKLINE STARTING FROM THE EIFFEL TOWER
AND CROSSING THE RIVER SEINE, ALL WHILE MORE THAN TWO-HUNDRED
FEET OFF THE GROUND.
HERE HE IS IN ACTION: STATISTICALLY, THAT GUY IS IN AT
LEAST SEVEN ENGAGEMENT PHOTOS.
AT ONE POINT, HE EVEN LAID DOWN ON THE WIRE...
ROOK AT THAT, THIS IS THE MOST FRENCH THING
I'VE EVER SEEN.
EVER IN MY LIFE, PROBABLY JUST LIES DOWN LIKE OH, I'VE GROWN
TIRED OF ZIS.
THIS IS SUCH A DRAG.
IT WAS AN AMAZING FEAT.
EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE, WHEN HE HEARD THE UNITED STATES TRAVEL
BAN WAS GETTING LIFTED, HE KEPT GOING RIGHT ACROSS THE ATLANTIC
OCEAN.
GT THERE TOO EARLY, IT'S NOT UNTIL NOVEMBER, YOU HAVE TO WALK
BACK, UNLESS ARE YOU IN TED LASSO.
MOVING ON, HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD ABOUT THE $200 MILLION MOVIE TOM
CRUISE WILL BE SHOOTING IN OUTER SPACE?
THE FIRST FEATURE FILM SHOT IN SPACE?
WELL, A RUSSIAN FILM CREW JUST ANNOUNCED THAT THEY WILL BEAT
HIM TO IT, FILMING THEIR OWN MOVIE ON THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE
STATION NEXT MONTH.
HERE IS WHAT I SAY, RUSSIA.
YOU CAN MEDDLE IN OUR ELECTIONS, YOU CAN MESS WITH OUR OIL
PIPELINES, BUT YOU DO NOT MESS WITH OUR TOM CRUISE THIS IS A
BIG DEAL.
THE STRESS OF THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY CAUSE TOM CRUISE TO
START AGING.
TOM KRAUS AT HOME GOING THAT IS IT.
THAT MISSION WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
WHAT CAN WE DO WHAT CAN TOM CRUISE DO TO TOP
THE RUSSIANS?
WITH YOU'RE GOT TO HIT THEM WHERE IT HURTS AND ANNEX CRIMEA.
>> ANNEX, WOW.
>> James: OKAY.
I WAS HOPING FOR SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE LIGHTHEARTED, TO BE
HONEST.
>> BIG GUNS.
>> James: I THINK THIS IS A BIT LIKE THAT TRU MAN CAPOTE
FILM.
BOTH ABOUT CAPOTE AND THE ONE WITH PHILIP T HALFMAN.
I THINK IT'S NOT A REAL FILM.
>> YOU WILL GO OUT ON THE LIMB AND SAY THE 200 MILLION TOM
CRUISE PICTURE IS BETTER THAN THIS RUSSIAN MOVIE ABOUT A
DOCTOR GOING TO SPACE IS?
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: LEVER NEVER LET IT BE SAID, MAN.
I WILL STAND UP FOR IT.
I BELIEVE TOM CRUISE WILL BE BETTER.
>> I WILL BE BEHIND YOU EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
>> James: I KNOW YOU WILL, MAN, I KNOW YOU WILL.
>> ALL CAN I DO IS HAVE YOUR BACK.
>> James: THANK YOU.
>> Reggie: I WILL BE THERE TOO.
>> James: THANKS MAN, I APPRECIATE IT.
LET'S MOVE ON.
>> James: AND DID EVERYBODY SEE THIS?
THE UNITED NATIONS GENERAL ASSEMBLY KICKED OFF THIS MORNING
IN NEW YORK CITY, AND IT STARTED WITH SOME PRETTY UNUSUAL
VISITORS: BTS.
THAT'S RIGHT, BTS VISITED THE U.N..
AND HERE'S A PERFORMANCE THEY PUT TOGETHER FOR THE WORLD
LEADERS, ♪ I WANT THE MUSIC GOT ME GOING.
♪ IT MUST BE WEIRD FOR WHOEVER
UPLOADS THE U.N. GENERAL ASSEMBLY MEETING TO YOUTUBE.
THEY WERE PROBABLY LIKE, FIFTEEN MILLION VIEWS SEE, I KNEW THAT
THESE TRADE TARIFFS WOULD BE POPULAR.
ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE SAYING WHY BECOME TS, THEY HAVE NO CHOICE
BUT TO TAKE BTS SERIOUSLY, AT THE END OF THE DAY, BTS HAS
ONE OF THE LARGEST ARMIES ON PLANET EARTH.
BUT THIS WAS A HISTORIC MOMENT.
THIS MARKS THE FIRST TIME FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD GIRLS
EVERYWHERE FOUND THEMSELVES WISHING THEY WERE, SECRETARY
GENERAL ANTOÓNIO GUTERRES.
AND FINALLY, WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS.
A TEENAGER IN THE UNITED KINGDOM IS MAKING HEADLINES BECAUSE OF
AN ACCIDENT THAT HAPPENED WHILE HE WAS, UH...
WELL, HE WAS TRYING TO MEASURE THE
LENGTH OF HIS PENIS.
WITH A U.S.B. CABLE.
NOW, HE'S FINE, BUT HERE'S THE X-RAY HERE:
>> WHAT IS?
>> THE USB, I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IT WAS EVEN-- WHAT, LIKE
WHAT IS HAPPENS HERE?
I MEAN LET'S UNPACK THIS FOR A MINUTE, BRING UP THE PHOTO
AGAIN.
>> WHAT?
>> SO THAT IS IN HIS BODY SHOW.
>> James: YEAH, A USB, MORE LIKE A DONKEL.
CAN YOU IMAGINE HAVING TO GO ASK YOUR PARENTS FOR HELP?
LIKE, MOM, I NEED TO GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM-- OR AT THE VERY
LEAST, THE GENIUS BAR.
HE IS SAYING HE WAS TRYING TO MEASURE IT BY WHAT, PUSHING
IT.
>> NO WAY.
>> HE PUSHED-- YES, SUSAN, YES?
>> THAT IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.
>> HE FED IT DOWN.
>> THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
THERE'S TO WAY.
>> I DON'T UNDERSTAND, I CAN'T GET MY HEAD AROUND IT.
IS THAT ALL THAT WIRING INSIDE.
>> I THINK SOME OF THE WIRING IS LAYING ON HIS LEG AND THEN MAYBE
PART IS IN THERE BUT IT WOULD STILL SHOW UP IN THE SPRAY.
>> OKAY.
>> BECAUSE THAT'S MISLEADING.
>> James: HANG ON, ITS USB, THE CHUNKY END S THAT IN HIS
BODY.
>> I THINK THAT PART HAS TO BE OUTSIDE HIS BODY.
>> I THINK.
SO THE USB-T.
>> I JUST THINK IT IS REALLY EASY TO CRITICIZE RADICAL
THINKING WHEN IT DOESN'T WORK OUT BUT LIKE ULTIMATELY-- THIS
IS THE KIND OF INGENUITY THAT PUT MAN ON THE MOON.
>> James: BUT HE IS SAYING HE DID IT TO MEASURE HIS
PENNIST-- PENIS SO YOU HAVE TWO MEASUREMENTS, INSIDE LECH AND
OUTSIDE LEG, IS THAT WHAT IT, IT IS ACTUALLY THIS LONG, THE
INSIDE URETHRA, WHAT ARE YOU HOPING FOR?
WHAT ARE YOU-- IS.
>> Reggie: IT SOUNDS LIKE HE SAID THAT BUT-- .
>> James: I THINK YOU ARE RIGHT.
I THINK HE IS DOING SOMETHING ELSE.
>> TRYING TO PLUG IN HIS HARD DRIVE.
>> James: WHAT DO YOU THINK A DOCTOR IS GOING TO DO.
BE LIKE OH, WE'RE JUST GOING TO TRY TURNING YOUR PENIS OFF AND
ON AGAIN.
>> DO YOU THINK HE STILL USES IT, IF HE HAS GOT-- .
>> James: PENIS, UNLIKELY, NO.
>> IS THIS SOMETHING WE COULD ASK KEN ABOUT.
>> James: IS KEN WATCHING?
>> KEN IS UP THERE AND HE IS A DOCTOR.
>> James: IS THERE A CAMERA UP THERE?
HONG ON.
SO OH, SO WE GOT KEN, KEN, ARE YOU LOOKING AT THIS?
>> YES.
>> James: WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GONE ON HERE.
>> OH MY GOD, I FEEL LIKE HE'S TRYING TO DOWNLOAD HIS ANUS OR
SOMETHING.
I'M NOT, I DON'T THINK THAT-- I DON'T THINK THAT IS MEDICALLY OR
LIKE I SEE POSSIBLE.
I DON'T WORK FOR APPLE BUT I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD EVER
DOWNLOAD YOUR ANUS TO TRY TO MEASURE YOUR PENIS.
I THINK MEDICALLY THAT JUST SEEMS WRONG TO ME.
>> James: WELL, I THINK HE CAME UP WITH THE MEASURING THE
PENIS THING WHEN THE INEVITABLE QUESTION IS WHY WERE YOU DOING
THIS.
>> RIGHT.
WHEN YOU DOWNLOAD YOUR ANUS YOU ALWAYS USE TO MEASURE THE PENI
COVER.
>> James: YUS MEASURING MY PENIS.
>> YEAH.
>> James: I BIT LIKE THE GUY WHO SIT DOWN ON A KETCHUP
BOTTLE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
LIKE A GUY IN THE HOSPITAL, I SAT DOWN ACCIDENTALLY.
>> OH MY GOD.
>> WHAT ARE YOU A DOCK TOR?
DON'T ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS.
>> James: WELL, THAT'S THE NEWS.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF THE "LATE, LATE SHOW,"
EVERYBODY.