well I never thought I'd be saying this in a million years but I can really
relate to Tana mongeau and I'm sure a lot of you can too if you came from a
screwed-up child what's up everybody this is Chris from the rewired soul
where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new
to my channel my channel is all about mental health and sometimes what I do is
I take what's going on in the YouTube community try to see what we can learn
to improve our own mental and emotional well-being so if you're into that stuff
make sure you subscribe and bring that notification bell and yeah Tana mongeau she
mentioned that she was gonna be making a video in Wow
she made an hour-long video okay so yeah I just I just checked it out and she
made this on the tail of a bunch of stuff going on people are upset with her
recent MTV unfiltered or no filtered episodes and she wanted to clear some
things up but yeah she actually opened up got really vulnerable it's probably
my favorite video I've seen of Tana Moe just like ever all right but yeah like I
said I know I could relate to a lot and I'm sure a lot of you can too so I want
to discuss your some of my experience as well some things that have helped me out
over the years but before I get started like you saw in the disclaimer at the
beginning of this video I am NOT a licensed professional I'm just a dude
trying to work on my own mental health and I'm always trying to learn from
other people's experiences see where I can relate and maybe some things that
I'm not addressing that I need to keep working on right so I try to come on
here and discuss it with all of you beautiful people out there alright so
anyways um just be warned - I might make a few videos on this there's so much to
break down and discuss so just just be warned about that but anyways Tana mojo
opens up about you know struggling with depression and going through 2019 but
also she goes back into her childhood and she discusses you know how difficult
her childhood was and how that affected growing up and turning into a young
woman into adulthood
I don't even know how to say it but like my childhood and I'm very lucky to have
gotten out of that but obviously I spent like 15 years of my life being so
incredibly emotionally abused and physically abused and like mentally
abused they're just like tormented and like I was raising myself all of those
years I built up so much hatred for my parents and like so much anger for like
the entire life that they've given me and it was like instantly I got thrown
into this way out and obviously when you have a way out of a life and like I can
I can relate they're like those of you who don't know like not only am i drug
addict and alcoholic and recovery I've been sober for seven and a half years
but my mom was an alcoholic until I was 20 and I started hating the world and I
had all these built-up emotions and feelings and everything that I I didn't
I didn't it wasn't even that I didn't want to deal with them I didn't know how
to deal with them like one of the reasons I do this channel is because
nobody ever talked to me about my mental health when I was younger and I became
very not only angry but depressed and anxious there were so many things that
affected me from having an alcoholic mom and I had a dad who was raising me but
he worked all the time he was gone all the time that's very difficult for a
child when they're growing up all right but something something that I realized
later on much later on in life is that I needed and I had a choice okay I had a
choice to either accept what my parents are or forgive them and move forward
like it was just one of those two things like we get so caught up in trying to
like I I think about it like fighting the waves of the universe all right like
we're just going against these waves and we just don't understand why it's not
working we have so much resistance and we're constantly wishing and hoping that
things were different then the way they are and that makes us
absolutely miserable okay so if you're somebody like me who struggle with this
type of childhood growing up just realize that you have a choice okay like
I understand like for me personally and this is just what helps me so take with
it what you will but like for me like I know it's it's your family I know it's
your parents and things like that but something I had to do something I
absolutely had to do I had to cut I had to cut family members out of my life for
at least a little while why I figured some stuff out and I had to do that from
my own mental health I absolutely had to do that for my mental health like trying
to force this like square peg into a round hole it just wasn't working for me
and it was driving me absolutely nuts my tanomo Joe discusses in this these
ongoing problems you know that she's had with her parents since she was a child
like the emotional abuse and everything like that and she talks about how that
spiraled into relationships and we need to understand too that the relationships
that we get into a lot of that is based on our childhood if we had a toxic
childhood if we grew up in toxic relationships it sets the stage for the
relationships that we get in later in lives it has this whole ripple effect
right but tana mongeau talks about you know like
her mom coming down for Christmas and this massive fight that they got into so
the first thing let's talk about real quick is forgiveness like forgiveness of
our past forgiveness of our childhood so for me I think like I think one of the
things that helped me out but I I know you can benefit from this too one of the
things I helped me out was when I became a father all right so look at Tana mojo
Tana mongeau like if she if she takes a look at her life you know what's
presented on the internet and you know everything from you know her scandals or
controversies her drama Tanika on all those things like a lot
like she has a song called eff up right like I'm an eff up right so when you
look at that you look at yourself you're just like oh well I'm not I'm not
all that great in life and a major part of forgiveness and forgiving the pass is
empathy empathy empathy empathy empathy empathy right so someone at an emotive
situation or even my situation right when I got older I had to look at how
screwed up I was I was so screwed up I was so screwed up and you know what it
was so easy to blame my parents and trust me trust me they they had a lot of
faults in this thing right but it was so easy for me to point the finger and
blame them for why I was so screwed up but here's where empathy comes in why
are they screwed up see we don't get past that point of thinking how they
affected us but once we take one step further and say what affected them did
they have a screwed-up childhood did their parents screw them up so then when
they became parents they screwed me up and this this is just this huge epiphany
right and then we take it on to decide whether or not we're gonna break the
cycle and I'm happy to say I with my son I think I've broken that cycle he has
you know an amazing amazing mother right and we co-parent like you know we
split custody and everything like that but I I got sober when he was three
years old you know and I do my best to be an amazing father to him today but if
not that cycle just continues like if I didn't get sober if I just stayed
screwed up and didn't work on my mental health he grow up probably to treat his
kids like crap right so anyways when it comes to forgiveness empathize empathize
why are people the way they are it's easy to just think oh well they suck
they're evil they're terrible they were just born with this like you know this
demon you know and they're just an awful person but we have to realize that
something probably screwed them up once we realize that when we think about how
screwed up we are what happened to us and we empathize with them things get a
lot easier all right but the next thing we'll talk about is this clip right here
it's like all I could do and I was just getting more and more and more
more depressed and when I get really depressed I like shut down completely
there's nothing anyone can say to me that is going to get me out of it I like
to stop getting out of bed for days I better stop going to the bathroom I hold
my hair in bed for days and I'm like struggling like that's how depressed I
might get it's like everything my body just like do it and this like level of
depression was so different than anything I've ever felt in my life like
I thought I'd wanted to die in the past I thought I'd been depressed in the past
but it was like like sometimes we just gotta let go we just gotta let go man I
just finished rereading this book one of my favorite books is called good reasons
for bad feelings it's like evolutionary psychology behind a lot of different
mental health issues like depression anxiety you know eating disorders
addiction everything like that but anyways I don't have time to go all the
way into it but one of the reasons that we experienced low mood which can turn
into depression is because we evolved that way because saying to give up to
let go right like if you were out there picking berries right and the berries
like ran out on that bush and you just kept spending time there you might die
because you spent too much time on this empty bush that has no berries so we
evolved in a way for our mind to say like it's time to let go of this thing
right so think about that for a second how much of your depression is because
you're not letting go right because you're not letting go of a relationship
because you're not letting go of a job because you're not letting go of things
whatever it is right you keep trying to stay in that job that makes you
miserable you stay in that relationship because you're miserable because you
can't accept that this thing sucks and it's time for you to bounce right so
although my parents and I have an amazing relationship today like I
mentioned earlier they came a point where I realized how much it was
affecting my mental health because I I refused to let go and finally I I
actually told my mom this was about when I was a year-and-a-half sober so I'm
like listen I love you but I can't talk to you for a while I need to distance
myself from you for a few months like that's what I did and I'd even say a few
months actually I just sat for a while until I figure this stuff
and during that time it was a lot of soul-searching it was a lot of like hey
can I accept her the way she is because here's the thing like I want you to
think about this real quick when you are 20-something years old how old are your
parents right do you really think do you really think that they're gonna change
after doing this their entire life are they going to change now don't get me
wrong like some families go to family therapy and things like that
but we can't set our expectation that they're going to go to therapy that
they're gonna work on their issues from childhood right so we either accept it
or we eliminate it so during my break in my soul-searching I realized that I just
had to accept it my expectations just went out the window and I'm like this is
how you are I'm just gonna deal with it and it's my choice of whether or not I'm
gonna let it affect me anymore okay
discusses her their effect on me and yeah like listen guys like this is how
my edition started I was just trying to know all the pain all the sadness
everything and I'm so free I'm so free today and it's something that I just
hope for everybody out there that I don't have to run from my feelings and
emotions anymore I don't need to numb myself anymore and it's come from a lot
of hard work like when I first got sober it was 12-step programs I now do a
million different things for my mental health journaling meditating but most
importantly like I do therapy man like I do therapy and again I'm so proud of
Tana mojo opening up and being very vulnerable about this
and there's so much more to talk about in her video but like although I'm proud
of her for opening up like listen here here's my one thing and this is just my
opinion my opinion if you have the resources if you have the money for
therapy like what are you doing what are you doing why are you not in therapy why
are you not giving it a try right and if you have tried it and your therapists
suck find a new one man like what's worse
what's worse this total self-destructive behavior because we don't want to
address our emotions or doing some therapy figuring out how to work with
them figuring out different strategies and tools like there's plenty of
therapies that are rooted in science you know what I'm saying so it bums me out
when I see millionaire youtubers who are just you know self-sabotage and
self-destructive behavior all these things and they're not getting help and
trust me I get it it's scary to get help it's scary to walk into a situation
saying all right Here I am I'm about to address all the things that I've been
running away from for years I get that but like which type of life do we want
to live right which road do we want to go down you know what I'm saying so if
you have the resources give it a try give it a try and if you don't have the
resources there are so many other things that you can do I've done videos I've
done blog post about things you could do if you can't afford therapy there are so
many things that you can do on your own and I realize this when I went to
12-step meetings you don't got to do it because there's a good chance that
you're not an addict or an alcoholic but 12-step meetings were free and that
built the strongest foundation like if I didn't do that I wouldn't be working on
my mental health today but it was free okay there are plenty of support groups
there are plenty books that you could buy with cognitive behavioral therapy
dialectical behavioral therapy every form of therapy if you think of there is
a book on it there are worksheets there are workbooks there are so many
different things there are free support groups online you know what I'm saying
but anyways like I hope I don't know like I hope people can empathize with
Tana a little bit more I know I definitely can after hearing a little
bit more of her story and the last thing I'll say is like our childhood is not an
excuse for our behavior but it gives it gives us a reason that we can look at
and start working on saying oh that's why I'm so screwed up it's time to work
on that recently in therapy it was just brought to light some old behaviors I
have coming back up that are rooted in my childhood so it's like oh okay those
those just started growing again time to address those right and there was a
triggering event that happened that my therapist helped me realize all right
but anyways again like I said I might do a few videos on tannaz video because it
was an hour long and there's multiple things to discuss it does be prepared
but that's all I got for this video if you like this video please give it a
thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and bring that notification
bell and a huge huge thank you to everybody who supports the channel over
on patreon as well as everybody who supports the channel by buying my mental
health books at the rewire Sol column as well as everybody who supports the
channel by getting merch from the merch store alright thanks again for watching
I'll see you next time