What if I told you that one of the cutest darn animals on the face of the planet was
a nocturnal and venomous bad ass?
Behold!
The fearsome slow loris!
Awwwwww...
Hello adorable primates, it’s Natalia but you can call me Dolores the Slow Loris!
We all love adorable animal videos!
And there is one video in particular that’s won the hearts of millions.
It features Sonya, a pet slow loris, arms raised, being tickled by her owner.
Many remark, “man, I want a pet slow loris!”
And that’s the problem.
First of all, a loris with its arms raised is actually distressed.
And while the video may seem harmless, it has also been devastating to the conservation
of this critically endangered species.
Yes, one of multiple slow loris species, the Javan slow loris, is on the IUCN top 25 most
endangered primate species list.
In fact, up to 80% of slow lorises die before they even reach the market to be sold, so
slow lorises should never- I repeat- never be kept as pets.
Ok, I’m going to climb down from my soap box.
(Natalia hops onto a shorter apple box)
Now that we got that out of the way, let’s talk about the myriad of ways the slow loris
is one badass animal.
Oh and loris literally translates to “clown” in Dutch, so slow lorises?
Slow clowns!
But what exactly IS a slow loris?
Let’s break down some primate taxonomy, shall we?!
OK.
Slow lorises are primates that live throughout South and Southeast Asia.
But they are neither a monkey nor ape, instead they fall into the category of strepsirrhine.
Y’see, all primates are in the order Primata, and there are two suborders, haplorhini and
strepsirrhini.
Monkeys and apes, including humans, are haplorhines and lemurs, galagos, and lorises are strepsirhines.
Strepsirrhines differ from monkeys and apes in a bunch of ways and are considered to be
more ‘primitive’ than their haplorhine cousins.
Sorry, slow loris!
Strepsirhines have a wet tip of their nose, called a rhinarium, kinda like your dog or
cat.
This is because they rely on their sense of smell more than their monkey and ape kin.
Some strepsirrhines also have a “toilet claw” or “grooming claw” to comb their
dense fur- they’re like the metrosexuals of the primate world.
The eyes of strepsirrhines also possess what’s called a tapetum lucidum, a thin reflective
membrane that amplifies light and helps them see at night.
It’s this same membrane that allows other mammals to see well at night, like cats, dogs,
or Bigfoot- just kidding.
Or am I?
This comes in handy since many of these strepsirrhines are nocturnal, including the slow loris.
The tapetum lucidum gives them “eye shine”.
Y’know that creepy eye glare that cats get at night that makes them resemble soulless
demons in fur coats.
Their nocturnal nature also explains why these animals have huge peepers, which let in more
light.
They’ve been called “little firefaces” because the shape and the coloration of their
eyes look like little twin flames.
Slow lorises are arboreal, meaning they live in trees.
They spend a majority of their lives moving, you guessed it, slowly and snakelike through
the forest canopy searching for their favorite foods- tree sap, insects, flower nectar, and
fruit!
The reason they appear to move ‘snakelike’ is they actually have extra vertebrae compared
to other primates.
And they have the one of the longest tongues of primates which allows them to enjoy their
favorite foods, like flower nectar!
But here’s the weirdest thing about slow lorises: they’re the ONLY venomous primate
in the world!
Well, except for me before I have coffee in the morning.
Rar.
Unlike me though, the slow loris has a gland in the inside of it’s elbow called the brachial
gland.
This secretes a pungent fluid that it rubs on branches to communicate with other slow
lorises.
The fluid also happens to be poisonous and includes an allergen that is similar to the
Fel d 1, the allergen in cat saliva.
So it’s even more dangerous if you’re allergic to cats.
And since the slow lorises lick their brachial gland throughout the day, if they were to
bite you with their extremely sharp teeth, you would most likely go into anaphylactic
shock.
In fact, one of the cruelest parts of the slow loris pet trade, is that their teeth
are cut down to render them harmless.
This is a painful process and once done, they are unable to defend themselves if they are
ever released into the wild.
So, slow lorises are pretty badass, but they’re also on the brink of extinction because of
hunting and the pet trade.
Moral of this story: they may be ridiculously cute, but should NEVER be kept as pets.
It’s cruel for them and potentially dangerous to you!
The slow loris may be nocturnal but humans, not so much.
Find out why in this video here.
For other cool stories, check out our friends at Seeker Stories.
They have a new video about a young woman who's improving the planet and rebuilding
oyster estuaries — by making wine"
What about you?
What was your favorite slow loris trait?
Tell us in the comments below and keep coming back for DNews every day of the week.