Because climate change is so gradual,
very few people feel the passion to act.
Luckily, we have someone on the show
who is extremely angry and passionate
about this issue and really every issue.
Please welcome Ronny Chieng.
-(cheering and applause) -Thank you, Trevor.
Trevor, f-first of all,
can you please stop telling everyone
that I'm an angry person? All right?
You make me sound like some kind of raving psychopath.
I'm actually a really chilled out kind of guy.
All right? How do you think I got my sponsorship with Ambien?
Ambien.
Just go the (bleep) to sleep already.
(laughter and applause)
That being said, nothing wrinkles my ball sack
more than people ignoring the threat of climate change.
And last weekend, kids around the world decided
they were sick of it, too.
Students in more than 100 countries
took to the streets Friday
demanding action on climate change.
An estimated 150,000 students and adults
took part in school walkouts
organized mainly through social media and word of mouth.
They're calling for, among other things,
100% renewable energy by 2030.
(chanting): The earth is dying, stop denying.
We call for a real national emergency.
Hell, yeah, kids, that's what I'm talking about.
Yeah, I love seeing young people get fired up
about what they believe in.
It reminds me of when I was a teenager
and I protested the Iraq War
by crashing my dad's car into a tree while drunk.
Also, it's pretty slick
how they found a good reason to skip school.
I mean, the kids were like, "With the world the way it is,
"we cannot in good conscience go to class or do homework.
"Now let's head down to Cancun
and fight climate change with Señor Frog!"
(whoops)
"Climate! Climate!"
So, I get why these kids are angry.
The planet they're inheriting is gonna get destroyed
the same way the microwave I inherited from my grandmother
was destroyed by this weird, sticky black stuff in it.
You know what I'm talking about?
It looks like burnt cheese, but it's not,
and it looks wet, but when you touch it, it's, like, hard
'cause, like, some goddamn barbarians
didn't know how to use lids when they microwave their shit.
Ronny, are you cursing out your deceased grandmother?
Trevor, please. Okay, this is a private matter
between me and my gross, dead grandma. All right?
Anyway, the people in charge
should be listening to these kids,
but instead they're going ahead with their plan
to make as much money as possible
while ruining everything in their path.
The Trump administration has approved seismic testing
along the Atlantic coast from Delaware to mid-Florida.
Air guns dragged behind a vessel
emit sound waves every ten seconds
that penetrate the seabed.
The reflected pulses create a map
of the oil and gas deposits below.
Noise that can disturb sound-dependent marine life.
Dolphins and whales rely on sound to communicate,
find mates, find food and avoid predators.
Just when I thought oil companies couldn't be more evil,
now they're blasting the ocean with nonstop sonic waves.
And you heard what that lady was saying.
Whales use sound for everything, like hunting and finding a mate.
Imagine being a whale.
You think you're hearing all these mating calls.
Next thing you know, you're having sex with a boat.
Okay? And now your whale wife is divorcing you,
your life falls apart,
and you end up doing flips at SeaWorld for meth.
Okay? Happens all the time.
Oh, but-but don't worry, okay?
If you ask the people who are blasting the sonic waves,
turns out everything's gonna be fine.
REPORTER: The government concedes there could be impacts
but not enough to kill or seriously injure marine life,
assurances echoed by the oil industry.
We've been coexisting
with marine ecosystems for years,
and we just haven't seen adverse impacts.
Really? You guys haven't seen any adverse impacts?
Right now, there's a seagull saying,
"What was that? I-I couldn't hear you
because I have too much oil in my ears!"
These guys have been spilling so much oil in the ocean,
somewhere, there's a polar bear
being accused of blackface, all right?
Also...
(cheering and applause)
Why...
It's terrible.
There's context.
Also, why are we believing
anything these oil companies are saying
when they haven't even cleaned up the shit
they've already done?
The longest oil spill in American history
has been going on for 15 years now,
nonstop, following Hurricane Ivan.
Millions of dollars has been spent
to try and clean up this disaster.
Oh, my God. How is the ocean even still water?
At this point, it's got to be just oil
and Starbucks cups, right?
Seriously, this oil spill is 15 years old.
I'm surprised R. Kelly's not all over it by now.
-(gasping, laughter) -What I'm trying to say is...
-(cheering and applause) -...those kids were right.
If we don't take the environment seriously,
this planet is gonna end up looking
like the inside of my grandma's microwave, okay?
So I'm very proud to announce that, today,
I, too, am joining their protest.
For the good of the planet,
I will also be leaving work for the day,
and I'm not coming back for two weeks.
Whoa, Ronny, Ronny, you can't just leave.
You're in the middle of a segment, dude.
Shut up, Trevor, you corporate shill.
Change has to start now and with me, okay?
I'm not just gonna sit here and do nothing.
I'm gonna go home, put on some pajamas,
and then do nothing.
(cheering and applause)
Ronny Chieng, everyone.