Translator: Gloria Esposto Reviewer: Michele Gianella
Being talented is a trap.
Now that I said that,
I know you're looking at me like hell,
because you're thinking, "What is she saying?"
But I repeat, being good is a trap.
It's a trap because, instead of telling us it's necessary,
they sold us that's enough, they told us that's sufficient.
It's a trap because, instead of telling us it's a tool,
that we need it to create things, to get things, to change things,
they told us it's the aim, the end goal.
It's a trap because this way of looking at performance,
and only focus on that
is exactly what keeps us at a distance
by the people and goals that are really important to us.
This is seen in all aspects of our lives:
you see it in professional life, you see it in personal life, in hobbies
you can see it in sports, among friends, in anything.
There is always this drive, partly because of education,
a little bit due also to where society brings us.
We must be good, talented, you have to go and do.
And this, however, imprisons us. I see this every single day.
You know, I work with entrepreneurs, managers and professionals;
and I work on their communication strategy
In our jargon, it is called "personal branding strategist".
basically, it means helping, supporting and creating the conditions
for any professional to arrive in a direct way
but in a very deep, genuine way
to its audience or its customers.
It's communication in the purest way, in its deepest sense,
because it's not just about selling, it's not about promoting yourself;
it's to be able to bring out the person behind the business.
And this is the very field where you see the biggest resistance to communication.
Communication is a job that I love madly,
I started in this area, on my own, more than ten years ago,
at a time when there wasn't much talk about it yet,
at least not in the business environment.
We talked about it in the showbiz,
we talked about it in politics,
but as far as people with more, let'say "normal" jobs,
with the most traditional jobs, professionals, those who have a company,
there it was seen as either irrelevant,
or even a waste of time,
or something for average people.
Basically, the kind of approaches to communication I've seen
are essentially three:
I mean, the so called "degenerated" ones,
those who start from this vision that all that matters is being talented.
The first is related to saying: good people don't need communication,
for their skills will show up anyways,
because what you are and what you're able to do,
will magically reach customers per se, and you'll have the success you deserve.
This could be a valid concept.
Too bad, even deluding ourselves about a perfectly meritocratic world,
with no barriers to entry, no minorities
or people having a really harder time to get where they want,
you're still entrusting chance.
And if you do that, you have no control.
You have no control over the way you'll succeed.
So, is it really how I define success?
Is that really what I wanted to get?
No: that's just what happened, what occurred to me.
Besides, we don't have any kind of time control.
We don't know when this much-deserved moment will come,
where we'll reap the fruits of being good and working quietly, head down
And most of us can't afford to wait 20 years before getting a result.
Most of us must succeed, however, from the outset:
in a gradual way, of course, not with the magic of a second;
but we need to get started, even just letting them know we exist.
The second mode, however, is the most unpleasant
and fortunately much less common than the previous one,
and that's what I call the Arrogance of the Chosen One.
Those people stand in the middle of their own imaginary stage, they alone.
So, it's not that they don't communicate because they don't see the value of it;
they don't communicate because it's you who must make the effort, struggle,
you have to go look for them, you have to discover them;
because it's an honor and a big pleasure if they let you work with them,
if they give you this consent.
This is something that, if you see it on the customer side -
or person side who wants to deal with this kind of figures or professionals
you say: okay, so, I have to go find this person, this individual.
I don't even know it exists, what it does,
not sure if they're there, not sure why;
I have to evaluate all its competitors -
by the way, let's remember that by now, when it comes to competition,
is a competition at least national, but very often international -
So, I rate them all, and I decide that he's the right choice.
But that's still not enough.
At that point you have to jump into fiery hoops -
to be able to deal with this person, to talk to him, to relate with him
and convince them, you deserve to work with them.
You see, from this point of view, it's unthinkable!
It's something you say: have you gone mad?
Although this situation is still very, very, very widespread.
The third way, on the other hand, is a little different;
in this case he's not a noncommunicative person,
is a person who communicates, is a person who realizes, in fact,
to be in such a multifaceted world, with so many options,
where he needs to signal its existence.
And so, he decides to communicate.
Too bad that, being so involved in this vision of communication
like: "I have to be good, the best," says that and only that.
This only communicates how good, perfect, wonderful he is.
This, of all, is perhaps the most widespread;
and especially in this era, even with social media,
it's something I understand and feel deeply.
Because who of us wouldn't want to put a filter on our soft spots, sometimes,
on our imperfections?
Without showing that human, fragile side
that is often so heavy to carry around with you.
Because you want to be like a computer,
you want to be pure good, you want not to have smudges.
But we do have them: and not only that, people choose us for that.
I laugh a lot, and I make people laugh -
every time I tell how I had my very first important client.
I was pretty early in my career,
so obviously I was terrified when this person contacted me.
We were at a training course where I was a student and he was a guest.
And I asked, at some point, a question.
So, in asking the question,
clearly they answered by asking you what your profession was,
and I explained my job.
During the break, this entrepreneur stopped me and said to me:
"Look, I'm really looking for a consultant to do this thing.
So if you leave me your business card, maybe we can talk about it.
You know who I am, what I do: do you need me to explain something more?
At that point, I desperately tried to put on some kind of pokerface
and to say: yes, actually yes, I have an idea, I know something about;
and I gave him my business card.
I was shaking, everybody was looking at me.
I was like, don't do something that blows everything up right now.
The fact is, half an hour later, I really got an email from his assistant -
to schedule an appointment.
And so far, that sounded wonderful.
Everything went great, everything was fantastic;
Too bad then, for the next two weeks, every time this appointment was postponed.
Every time - sometimes even at the last minute,
there was always some kind of emergency and so this thing wasn't done.
At that point, of course, I said, well, the thing is off.
Especially with the awareness that, because of the position we were in,
I needed that job more than he needed me.
So I said, well, it's gone.
That weekend I decided to go for sports.
I was learning kitesurfing,
which is that water sport where you have a board under your feet,
and you are harnessed to a parachute-like, half-moon sail;
and this sail takes you along the waves.
I was beginning, and that Saturday
I managed to make my first edge without flying down my face.
I was overjoyed, super pumped and they took a picture of me.
Clearly, I posted it on Instagram promptly because it was my moment of joy.
Half an hour later, this entrepreneur texted me asking:
What are you doing? Are you in my area? You know, I kite, too.
We talked about it for a second, it was saturday.
On Monday I was in his office, and an hour later we signed the contract.
This is to say, I had given up this job in my mind,
I thought I had blown an opportunity.
However, there has been an apparently random event
that put it all back on the line.
Which didn't get me to sign the contract, but it took me in that room.
That moment, that element, was the human element.
I also asked him, what changed your mind?
I saw it was something you wanted to blow up.
And he said to me: "Look, I had so many doubts -
because we are very different, we have different ages,
we are in different moments of life and career,
we have very different stories.
I wondered if you were the right person,
If you could understand me.
And then with that thing, with that detail,
I thought we had something in common.
I saw you were the right person for me."
The right person for me, not yet another competent professional:
he already knew, searched for that; but that wasn't enough for him.
The point is, we're all so caught up in having to show that we're good,
that we don't realize that people don't care;
it doesn't matter until we become relevant to them.
And to become relevant to them, we have to do something for them.
You become relevant to people, what you do becomes interesting
when they know you exist;
they begin to know you;
they like you, your way, your attitude;
they see that they can trust you.
At that point they are ready and receptive to value your expertise.
Until then, no.
If there's no human warmth,
if there is no empathy, if there is no connection,
people are not ready to receive your expertise.
In this period, by the way,
it's really important to realize that everything has changed.
We're all looking for a meaning.
It has been two very tough years
that also brought most people to completely rethink life.
Jobs have been quit, lives have been changed,
people have moved, relationships got over.
We all need to know that what we do leaves us something,
it's something more than the mere action, or of the mere result
but it really is something that gives us meaning.
This is the first thought, which has now developed:
it's something that was there before, but now it's very strong.
In addition, we have the chance,
an unheard one, compared to so many previous generations,
to really get in touch
even with people who are very far away.
We have the chance to attract, to communicate, to deal
with people who are on the other side of the world,
who do something else,
but still are close to us, are related to us,
because we have the same type of values,
we have the same kind of world view,
we want to get the same thing, we share the same cause.
This is becoming more than just an option:
it's becoming a precise request.
We want to have this kind of connection,
we want to talk directly with the person behind that screen,
with the person behind that business.
We can do that, and we demand it.
Vulnerability is where this type of connection is created.
When I started my job,
I've been thinking a lot, I've been bumping into a lot,
with this vision of "if you're good,
you don't need to advertise - it was still just called advertising -
but this comes in itself."
And so, I decided to focus all my communication right on that.
Contrarian me, I have to go against any imposed vision.
And so I pivoted everything I said and did around a claim that said:
"Being the best doesn't help, if no one sees it."
It was a communication planned, addressed
to those people who are good, who are really good in something,
that can really make a difference,
but regularly stay in a corner
and are surpassed, outclassed by someone who makes more noise,
someone who's not afraid to put his face in it,
and he's not necessarily any better at it.
Those people could really change the world,
but they don't,
because they're not given this power, this competence, this ability.
Because communicating, as anything else, is a skill, you can learn it.
There is no communication gene: there is extroversion and introversion.
Which means how much you like to do it, but it doesn't say how good you are at it;
And so, I really wanted to give a message
about all those beautiful things that you are, that you know how to do:
they are wasted, if you don't take them out,
if you don't put them to use, if you don't let them know.
Today I realized, after these two years,
that this is always true, necessary; but it's not enough anymore.
It takes a step further.
It's needed to know how to recreate a proximity,
even if not necessarily physical, when you can't, even at work.
It is no longer just a transactional relationship:
"What can I get you? What are you offering?"
but it's a kind of relationship that goes beyond that.
It's like, "We're together, and we're building something really big."
It's a kind of relationship based on authenticity,
about showing our doubts, our struggles, the effort we make.
It's what inspires, that's where magic is created,
that's where you attract people who want to contribute to what you can do.
That's where you can really change the world.
I want to close this speech, this evening, leaving you a reflection,
leaving you with this thought
that is really fundamental to me:
Being the best is pointless, without nurturing an "us".