WELCOME TO THE SHOW THAT WE HAVE.
WE HAVE SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT BECAUSE AFTER MONTDS AND MONTHS
OF WAITING TONIGHT WAS THE FIRST FORMAL
PRESIDENTIAL-- PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE BETWEEN DONE ALL TRUMP
AND HILLARY CLINTON.
AND HONESTLY, I MEANT TO WATCH IT.
(LAUGHTER) I DID.
I REALLY DID.
I KNOW, I KNOW IT'S A BIG DEAL.
BUT RIGHT BEFORE THE DEBATE AIRED, I WAS FLIPPING THROUGH MY
DVR AND I ENDED UP WATCHING THIS SHOW CALLED MACGYVER.
IT IS A REBOOT OF THE '80S SHOW.
HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THIS THING?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WELL, IT HAS EVERYTHING.
IT HAS ACTION.
IT HAS ADVENTURE.
HE MADE A PARACHUTE OUT OF THE CANOPE OF A TRUCK.
>> TAKE ONE CANVAS, ADD SOME TIE DOWNS, A LITTLE WIND RESISTANCE,
YOU GOT YOURSELF A PARACHUTE.
>> James: I MEAN SURE, HE GOT HIT BY A CAR AFTERWARDS.
(LAUGHTER) BUT IT WAS STILL AWESOME.
IT WAS.
OKAY LOOK, I'M SORRY.
I'M GETTING OFF TOPIC HERE.
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE DEBATES.
NOW THERE WERE LOTS OF CONTROVERSIES LEADING UP TO
THESE DEBATES LIKE WHEN DONALD TRUMP ACCUSED NBC'S DEBATE
MODERATOR LESTER HOLD OF BIAS STATING THAT HE WAS A DEMOCRAT
WHEN IN FACT LESTER HOLD HAS BEEN A REGISTERED REPUBLICAN THE
WHOLE TIME.
I MEAN, YOU GUYS, THIS IS JUST LIKE HOW MACGYVER--
(LAUGHTER) THOUGHT HIS GIRLFRIEND NIKKI
CARPENTER WAS A GOOD GUY WHEN ACTUALLY SHE WAS A DOUBLE AGENT
WORKING FOR THE TERRORISTS THE WHOLE TIME.
HONESTLY.
LOOK AT THAT PHOTO.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU
BETRAYED MACGYVER, YOU BITCH.
BUT I'M SO SORRY, I DIDN'T-- I'M SORRY.
WE NEED TO GET BACK TO SUBSTANCE, THE DEBATE, YOU KNOW,
RIGHT, SO.
DEBATE, BASED ON THE POST DEBATE ANALYSIS, IT SOUNDED LIKE DONE
ALL TRUMP AS USUAL SPENT A LOT OF TIME DEFLECTING THE TOUGH
QUESTIONS.
KIND OF LIKE HOW MACGYVER DEFLECTED THOSE BULLETS WITH A
DRINK TRAY.
IT'S AWESOME, GUYS.
I MEAN, WE JUST KNEW THE WAITERS HAPPENED TO BE USING REINFORCED
STAINLESS STEEL TO SERVE THEIR COCKTAILS.
I'M SO SORRY.
BACK TO THE REAL ISSUES AT HAND.
NOW THERE IS THE BIG QUESTION OF HOW THE CANDIDATES ARE GOING TO
DEAL WITH THE THREAT OF TERRORISM.
TRUMP SAYS HILLARY IS SOFT ON TERROR.
HILLARY SAYS TRUMP HAS NO EXPERIENCE WITH IT.
I MEAN THE TRUTH IS THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON WHO HAS A PLAN
FOR HOW TO EFFECTIVELY DEAL WITH TERROR AND THAT'S MACGYVER'S
SIDE KICK JACK DALTON.
>> JACK?
>> WHO LOVES YOU, BABY.
>> James: THAT'S JACK DALTON IS A REAL STRAIGHT SHOOTER.
UNLIKE DONALD TRUMP WHO HAS BEEN CAUGHT IN A LOT OF LIES LATELY.
HE LIED ABOUT HIS STANCE ON THE IRAQ WAR, HIS CHARITABLE
DONATIONS.
IF YOU ARE A REPUBLICAN, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.
IF THIS GUY IS THE HERO, IT'S NOT LOOKING GOOD.
WHICH IS KIND OF LIKE SOMETHING I SAW ON MACGYVER.
>> YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.
IF THIS GUY IS A HERO, IT'S NOT LOOKING GOOD.
>> James: OKAY, IT'S EXACTLY LIKE I SAW ON MACGYVER.
OKAY I KNOW I'M NOT ALLOWED TO VOTE IN THIS COUNTRY, OKAY.
BUT I WILL TELL YOU ONE THING, IF I WAS ALLOWED TO VOTE, THERE
IS ONLY ONE NAME THAT I WOULD WRITE ON THAT BALLOT, SOMEONE
WITH THE INGENUITY TO SOLVE REAL PROBLEMS, SOMEONE BRAVE AND SEXY
AND YOU KNOW WHO I AM GOING TO SAY, RIGHT.
YELL IT OUT.
>> MACGYVER!
>> James: NO, HILLARY CLINTON.
I'M NOT AN IDIOT.