>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, JAMES, REGINALD, LEVLY TO SEE YOU GUYS.
I AM SO EXCITED TO BE HERE, GUYS.
I'M MAKING SOME CHANGES.
I'M TRYING TO QUIT, JUST QUIT, OVERALL.
FEELS LIKE THE TIMING IS RIGHT TO FULLY LET GO OF THE ROPE.
I'M 46 WHICH MEANS I'M NOT LIKE ELDERLY BUT I AM DE CAYING.
KRESESED, PHYSICALLY, NOT GETTING BETTER.
THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING POS TOUGH IN MY FUTURE FROM A
PHYSICAL STANDPOINT.
NOT LIKE MAN, I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I'M 50, I AM GOING TO BE RIPPED.
>> YEAH.
THIS TIME FORWARD T IS THIS BODY IS GROSSER.
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU POUR TOMATO OUT OF YOUR FRIDGE, BECAUSE TWO
WEEKS AGO YOU WERE FEELING OPTIMISTIC AT THE GROTION REE
STORE.
EVERY SIX MONTHS OR SO I WILL BE AT THE GROCERY STORE PACKING UP
MY CART WITH THE USUAL GARBAGE, PIE DR. PEPPER, MY SOUR PATCH
KIDS, MY FLAVOR BLASTED GOLD FISH CRACKERS, THIS WEIRD WAVE
OF HEALTH OPTIMISM WILL SWEEP OVER ME LIKE WHAT IF I STARTED
MAKING SALADS AT HOME.
I'M GOING TO CANNING MY LIFE, TODAY'S THE DAY.
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, I AM A SALAD GUY.
I START THROWING PRODUCE IN MY CART WILLY-NILLY.
I AM MEFER AS SMUG AS WHEN I AM PUSHING A CART OF VEGETABLES UP
TO THE REGISTER.
YOU ARE RIGHT, SUPERMARKET LADY, THAT IS A LOT OF SALAD I WILL BE
HAVING LATER.
HE LOSERS IN LINE WILL BE WAITING FOR AWHILE BECAUSE SHE
HAS TO WEIGH ALL OF THIS.
NO SCANNING FOR THIS KID.
GOT TO PUNCH IN SOME CODE FOR ME, LADY.
WHAT IS THE CODE FOR ARTICHOKE, I DON'T KNOW, LOOK IT UP IN YOUR
LITTLE SPINNEY WHEEL THASM LITTLE PAPER TOWEL HOLDER WITH
THE NUMBERS ON IT T LOOK IT UP.
AND GI HOME AND I TAKE MY 73 DOLLARS WORTH OF PRODUCE AND
DROP IT IN THE BOTTOM DRAWER OF THE FRIDGE AN FORGET ABOUT IT.
CUT TO 15 DAYS LATER.
IT IS AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I HAVE HAD ONE OF THOSE DAYS, YOU KNOW THOSE DAYS WHERE THINGS
VN GONE SO WELL. AND FOR SOME REASON YOU FIND YOURSELF JUST
STAIRING TOO THE FRIDGE LOOKING FOR ANSWERS.
LIKE OKAY, FRIDGE, GIVE ME SOMETHING, GIVE ME SOMETHING.
COME ON, FRIDGE, TURN THIS ONE AROUND, YOU CAN DO IT.
WHAT IF I GET REALLY CLOSE AND SHUT THE DOOR BEHIND ME, DOES
THAT FEEL LIKE A HUG S THAT KIND OF LIKE A HUG FROM THE FRIDGE.
SO COLD.
JUST LIKE DADDY.
ANYWAY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, SOMETIMES YOU PULL TOMATO OUT
AND IT IS SMALLER THAN WHEN YOU BOUGHT IT, IT IS NOT ROTTEN BUT
IT HAS BEEN IN THERE FOR AWHILE SO IT A SLIL SCHRIFF ELY, YOU
POKE IT AND IT LEAVES A DENT, YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF, CAN I
EAT THIS WITHOUT IT MAKING ME SICK.
LADY, THAT IS THE EXACT STAGE THAT THIS BODY IS IN.
(APPLAUSE) I'M IN.
OH YEAH, YOU CAN'T EAT ME.
BUT IT MUST BE-- YOU CAN'T EAT ME BUT IT MUST BE TODAY.
I AM RYING TO STAVE OFF THE INEVITABLE.
I DO GO TO THE GYMNASIUM.
I THINK THAT IS HOW ST PRONOUNCEDMENT I DON'T LIKE IT.
I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE WEIRDOES WHO ENJOYS PHYSICAL FITNESS.
I USED TO GO TO A PERSONAL TRAINER AND I HAD TO STOP
BECAUSE THE GUY WAS TOO EXCITED ABOUT LIFE.
LIKE WHAT WORLD ARE YOU WAKING UP TO EVERY DAY.
HE WAS ALWAYS TELLING ME TOW BRING IT.
LIKE I WOULD BE ON THE BENCH TRYING TO PUSH UP A BAR, HE
WOULD BE STANDING OVER ME, COME ON MAN, BRING IT, BRING IT.
DUDE, I DONE EVEN THINK I HAVE IT.
SO LET ME LOOK AROUND, AN I WILL JUST BRING WHATEVER I CAN FIND.
HOW ABOUT YOU BRING IT.
AND I BORROW IT.
FOR LIKE AN HOUR.
THEN TEN MINUTES LATER HE TOLD ME TO GET SOME.
COME ON MAN, GET SOME.
OKAY Y DID I NEED TO BRING IT IF THERE WAS SOME HERE.
THANK YOU GUYS, HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
(APPLAUSE).
>> James: THANK YOU SO MUCH.
CHRISTIAN FINNEGAN, EVERYBODY, HE'S BRILLIANT ALBUM 60% JOKING,
IS AVAILABLE RIGHT NOW.
COME ON BACK, EVERYONE.