- Hello, and welcome to "Families in Recovery:
A Family Education Video," produced by the Substance Abuse
and Mental Health Services Administration.
Throughout this presentation,
you'll hear from people in recovery,
their family members, and their friends
about how they responded
at different points during addiction and recovery.
The first phase of addiction is the "introductory" phase.
Family members are often unaware of substance use
and perhaps unaffected by it.
In this phase, when some types of drugs, like stimulants,
are used, family members may see qualities that they admire,
like outstanding accomplishments and high energy,
not realizing that the energy is fueled by stimulant use.
At times, they may be confused or concerned
about odd behavior or neglect of responsibilities.
- When I told my Mom that I was using
cocaine and pills and other things,
the initial response was denial.
They couldn't believe it.
- Your loved one's drinking alcohol or taking drugs
may seem to be only occasional, when, in fact, that person
is using substances more often and at inappropriate times,
such as on the job or in secret.
Family members may notice problems,
such as traffic tickets, school grades going down,
trouble at work, or ignored responsibilities.
At this time, family members may not realize
these problems are related to substance use.
And people who use drugs or alcohol
don't think they need help, at this stage.
- There's a large part of this addiction
that alienates people,
and as we get further into our addictions,
we become isolated and loners
and have a tendency to shy away from people.
Of course, there's always the lies
and the subterfuge that kind of
underscores the whole addictive process.
So as times goes on, the family is probably
the least to know what's really happening.
- In the second phase of addiction, "maintenance,"
family members might begin to suspect
a drug or alcohol problem.
The family may attempt to help solve problems caused by use,
by providing money or making excuses
for unmet responsibilities and obligations.
But these efforts usually help only temporarily,
because the real problem is the drug or alcohol use.
Family members may take on responsibility
for earning money, spending time with family and friends,
and taking care of household chores.
Problems continue to mount,
as long as the drug or alcohol use continues.
"Enabling" is a term that describes the behavior
of a family member who is trying
to keep life normal and help the loved one.
A person using, however, is protected
from the negative consequences and does not get help,
as long as family members cover up
the negative consequences of the addictive behavior.
- My grandmother lived with us and she did an explanation of
"We are going to cover up," so it was normal.
So it wasn't "Things are bad. I have to hide this,"
it was "We, together, put on this front."
That's the family disease of it.
- We mainly just, like, stayed out of trouble
and just did what they wanted and got good grades and stuff.
- Yeah, they were very good kids, very good kids.
None of them were in trouble with the law
or in trouble in school.
- Family members sometimes try
to reason or bargain with their loved one
to get them to stop using drugs and to get life back to normal.
- In active addiction, family members
are kept completely in the dark.
Most family members,
they want to give the addict and their life
a certain amount of, you know, boundaries
and let people do their own thing and privacy,
but that's just fuel for active addiction.
And so, in this recovery process,
family members and the addicts
have to come to some mutual ground and understanding.
The more persons that hold an addict accountable,
the better off that person's recovery will be.