- [Candice] I just wanted to sit down
and, like, talk to you guys
about some of the questions I've been getting lately.
One of them being,
"What happened to the old Candice?"
I get that a lot.
I have been getting that quite a bit
over the last couple years.
I get a lot of questions about,
"You look different.
"You sound different.
"Your videos are different."
Just a lot of things that have changed
that you guys have noticed.
And maybe the videos have changed formats,
which they definitely have over the last couple years.
And whether you have been a subscriber forever.
Thank you.
Hi.
Whether you used to be a subscriber and you've unsubscribed,
but you're curious so you're here now.
Hi, also.
Just like conversation I thought it was time to have.
Again, I've had a lot of conversations
or a lot of comments I should say about my hair.
It looks different.
My weight gain.
Let's talk about it.
Okay, so let's start at the beginning
because that's where Maria von Trapp says we should start.
(Candice laughing)
So in 2010, I started The Edgy Veg.
It started off as a blog.
And it was mainly because I was cutting out animal proteins
from my life.
This was for a couple of reasons.
Some of them being ethical.
Some of them being health-related.
I love the way that I felt.
So I started The Edgy Veg
as kind of a online diary of teaching myself how to cook
now that I couldn't have a lot of the foods
that I had loved for so long.
I was in a couple of relationships here and there.
And then, eventually,
after I started my YouTube channel,
I met my ex-husband.
Before I met him,
the kind of the whole point of the channel
and the blog was carnivore-approved.
And I wanted my friends to try the recipes
and get that carnivore a thumbs up
and ended up changing to building an entire blog,
building an entire YouTube channel
around making vegan recipes
that my ex-husband approved.
They're carnivore-approved.
He was the carnivore in that.
You might remember her.
Old Candice, she was blonde,
very skinny,
really over the top with personality.
And I just want to kind of preface this whole conversation
with saying that while I look my happiest,
while I look my most fit,
while I look like I was surrounded by friends and family
and a partner that were supportive,
I actually was in the darkest point of my life.
I was in a super toxic relationship,
which ended up being a super toxic engagement,
ended up being a super toxic marriage,
a lot of depression,
a lot of anxiety
very controlling behavior.
And I spent a lot of my time being incredibly fake
and not myself.
During this time,
I didn't really have control over my looks.
I had to be blonde.
Could only wear dresses,
things like that.
So I definitely was trying to be a person
that I thought the internet wanted
while also being a person that my ex-husband wanted.
And it was just fucking miserable.
So that was an awful time quite frankly.
And was it was really hard to be bubbly and over the top.
And I think that that's where this caricature of Candice,
The Edgy Veg came from.
So I was overcompensating for how miserable I was feeling
with this over the top personality that wasn't me at all.
I guess, now,
if you're here, you see more of me.
I'm very sarcastic.
I'm very dry humored.
I'm really relaxed.
I'm just like an easy going person,
super relaxed.
And the contrast of those two people,
I totally understand why you would be asking that question.
Why you would be searching for old Candice.
I get it, like,
she was bubbly and over the top.
I get it.
But I kind of wanna talk about the journey
between that Candice and the Candice now.
So when I finally decided to leave my ex-husband,
I pretty much like had to dismantle
and rebuild my entire business on my own.
I mean, I definitely had some support.
I also had a little bit of financial security
because I was living with someone else
and he own the place.
So like, I didn't have to worry about paying ton of rent.
So that definitely helped fund The Edgy Veg.
But moving out on my own, I had to,
for the first time in my life,
live on my own without roommates.
Pay for that.
Write, shoot, produce content on my own.
And it was awful.
I had really bad anxiety.
At this point,
I was going through the worst depression I'd ever had.
I was taking multiple cold showers a day
to get me out of panic attacks.
It was really bad.
You probably noticed that I was online for like a week
and I was happy and bubbly online.
And then, I would just go dark for two weeks.
And that's kind of how the ebbs and flows
of that anxiety manifested.
So I realized I couldn't do this on my own.
And I ended up reconnecting with one of my friends, Anthony,
that I met through YouTube and we got together
and he more or less was like,
"I can help you.
"I have a vision for you.
"I can help you.
"Hire me for a month and let's see what we can do."
So I brought him on.
I brought my videographer and editor Eric on,
and we just like started from scratch.
We rebuilt everything.
We re-envisioned how the channel would look,
how we would shoot things,
how we would edit things.
And it became fun again.
Like, for the first time in my life,
I wasn't dreading getting up every morning
before I had to be on camera.
Like, for the first time,
I was, like, excited to be on camera
and I was excited to cook food
as opposed to having major panic attacks
and anxiety around having to shoot.
And then, automatically, almost compartmentalize
that anxiety to be on camera and be over the top.
So for the last like, three years,
that's what I've been doing.
I've slowly been finding myself again.
I've slowly felt comfortable being myself.
It was the first time in my life that I was given permission
from not only everyone around me,
but also I gave myself permission to be myself
and just not try so hard
and not try to be someone that I'm not.
So that's definitely kind of the journey
that I've gone through coming here
and the transition from up here, energy Candice,
to more sarcastic and dry,
like matter of fact,
and maybe a little bit more scientific in videos.
I really like to talk about the steps of the recipes
and why I do them and the thoughts behind them
as opposed to just like making weird jokes
and like just trying to cover up, like,
how awful I was feeling.
So if you have wondered kind of why this personality shift,
that's more or less it.
So yeah, that was three years ago,
then the pandemic happened (chuckles).
I found myself for the first time in a relationship
that was respectful and loving.
I was able to do what I wanted
for the first time in my life,
which was pretty cool and was able to find myself.
And for the first time,
felt very, very supported.
And then, like I said,
the pandemic happened and I ended up in this house.
Harley and Winston obviously were there
throughout all of this,
but also we just adopted Kevin,
who's the cutest dog in the world.
A little blind and deaf boy.
So I may not be like that bubbly,
over the top person anymore.
But what you're getting is actually me.
Let's address the comments about my appearance.
So I started getting,
I would say about two years ago,
comments on my weight.
Some people were just like,
oh, you've gained weight.
And other people were like,
oh, you're fucking fat,
which is ridiculous because I'm not and I never have been.
And also, who cares if someone's fat.
Fat is a description word.
It's not like an insult.
And yeah, I have gained weight.
I've gained 25 pounds.
And mentally, that was really difficult for me at first.
But then, when I started to think about
why I gained that weight,
it was because I was eating three meals a day
because I allowed myself to,
because I felt more comfortable,
because I was in a loving relationship,
because I wasn't so anxious I couldn't eat.
There were days back then when I was like this big
that I wasn't eating for like three days at a time.
I was partying a lot and using substances
and it was really unhealthy.
And I feel the healthiest I've ever felt now with,
I mean, COVID aside.
I got COVID and haven't been able to like,
really work out since February.
But like, I feel healthier now than when I looked like this.
I think people tend to forget
that skinny doesn't mean healthy
and people are skinny for different reasons,
and people put on weight for different reasons.
Putting on weight is not a bad thing.
And so I just wanted to address some of those comments
and just mention like stop calling people fat as an insult.
Stop mentioning people's bodies altogether
because I give you so much more than my body.
Like there's so many more interesting things about me
than my body.
So I think as a general rule in life,
let's stop commenting on people's bodies.
And then, the hair.
Why did I change my hair?
So I've always wanted to be a redhead
and I've always wanted to have pink hair.
So I did this fun,
little transition from being blonde
and feeling like really in my element
and really in my power and feeling like super feminist
and I wanted pink hair.
I used to get made fun of when I was younger
for having pink as my favorite color.
I was wanting to be like less girly
'cause the guys didn't wanna be around a girly girl
and just a lot of really unhealthy societal norms
that women are taught.
So I really hid my love for pink.
So when I finally felt super secure,
I wanted to dye my hair pink and that's what we did.
And I felt awesome and it was so much fun
and I love dressing in all pink and like wearing fun outfits
and like just making super fun videos.
And it was awesome and it was fun.
And then after that,
I transitioned into the red I always wanted to be.
My sister is a redhead
and I always was so envious of her red hair.
So I went red.
It was a color that I tried to dye my hair around
when I was writing the first cookbook
and my ex more or less told me my hair was ugly every day
until I dyed a blonde again.
And so I didn't do it until I was again,
comfortable and secure
and gave myself the permission
to do what I wanted to do with my body
'cause it's my body and my hair.
So yeah, dyed it red.
Cut it off.
I feel like a bad bitch with short hair.
That's why.
I mean, people change their appearances
for different reasons.
And a lot of the time,
I think we tend to go like, "Oh my God!
"There's something so wrong with that person."
They cut their hair off or they gained weight
when like, maybe they're getting better.
So like, what's next with me and with The Edge Veg?
I'm sure you guys have noticed Molly.
Molly is my assistant.
I hired her about two years ago.
She actually made up her own job and sent me a DM.
And she was like,
"I think that I can help you."
And at that time, I was like,
"Yeah, I need a lot of help actually."
And she more or less created her own job.
And she's been with me ever since,
which has been just like a godsend,
like life-changing to have someone
who's way more organized than you are.
And also has become just a really close friend
and now is in videos.
And so we're growing a lot.
I want The Edgy Veg to be for you, guys.
Like, I wanna create recipes for you
to make your lives easier and more delicious
and explain to you why
and really have you thinking about the food
that you're making and why are you making it?
Is it like an ethical perspective?
Is it from a taste factor?
Is it a combination of both?
Is it just because you wanna make your life easier?
That's more or less what I wanna do.
I just wanna make good food for you, guys.
I love feeding my friends and family.
I love home dinner parties.
I love having barbecues and garden parties
and over the top things.
And food just brings people together.
I mean, I've also learned being on YouTube
that food can divide people as well.
I also want The Edgy Veg,
the website to, of course,
be a house or a home for all of those recipes,
but also talk about like the amazing things
that are happening in the world,
whether it's about eco-friendly, like tips and tricks
or easy kitchen hacks or just plant-based news.
There's so many cool things happening.
I wanna taste test things.
But for the most part,
I think just like,
what do you think about this?
What do you think about in vitro meat?
What do you think about lab grown dairy?
Let's have these conversations
from both ethical, moral perspective,
but also taste and like technology from the future.
So almost like,
think of it this way.
I want The Edgy Veg to be goop but like,
for vegan, eco-friendly, feminist perspectives.
Only really talking about things that are science backed
'cause I'm such a science nerd.
Like, I'm not gonna tell you
to put essential oils in your mouth (chuckles).
Don't injest essential oils.
That's kind of where I'm going with this like,
making better buying decisions,
trying to save you guys money.
We're actually revamping the entire website.
I'm so excited.
I saw the previews for it.
You're going to die.
It is so gorgeous.
The last time I redid my website,
I think it was five years ago.
So I'm dying for a refresh
because I think that not only did my hair,
dying my hair red kind of symbolize like who I am now
and the journey that I've been on,
but also the website.
It's almost like a transition.
It's a symbol of like,
old Edgy Veg with all the toxicness
that was attached to it is gone.
And this is new Edgy Veg.
I'm really tryna make your lives easier
and just like entertain you and feed you.
And I hope that you wanna be here for the journey with us
so we can go on this journey together.
And like, who knows,
maybe you can expect like a brand in the future, like,
maybe like, I don't know.
Product of some sort.
Who knows?
Throwing it out there.
Manifesting it.
I guess all of this to say that the last couple years,
I realized that you've seen me
and I've been somewhat open on like stories.
But here on YouTube,
I don't really show my life.
I don't really show where I'm at.
I'm just giving you recipes.
And I think what I wanna do is be more open with you, guys.
And let you in on my life a little bit more.
So let me know if that's something that you wanna see.
Let me know what kind of videos you wanna see.
If you wanna have more of these discussions,
let me know in the comment section down below.
I have new videos every week.
And yeah, it will also really helps out the channel
in this algorithm vortex that is YouTube.
So I'll see you guys in the next video.
Bye.
(upbeat music)