♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: ALL RIGHT!
HAPPY WEDNESDAY, EVERYBODY!
I AM SO EXCITED!
MIKE POMPEO IS HERE TONIGHT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> USA!
USA!
>> Greg: EVEN GOT A LITTLE
"USA" CHANT.
LOTS OF GUYS IN SUITS LOOKING AT
ME, EYEBALLING ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
AN ENTIRE A-BLOCK ON
HARRY POTTER.
MIKE SAID DO IT OR HE WOULD
WALK.
WHO KNEW POMPEO WAS A HARRY
POTHEAD?
I HEARD HIM OVER THERE TALKING
ABOUT HIS HOGWARTS.
NEXT MONTH THERE IS A NEW GAME
COMING OUT CALLED "HOGWARTS
LEGACY."
FOR ALL YOU NONDORKS, DWEEBS,
NERDS, AND MEN WHO HAVE NEVER
TOUCHED A WOMAN WHO WASN’T A
RELATIVE, THE GAME IS SET IN THE
WORLD OF HARRY POTTER, AND IT
SEEMS LIKE FUN, BUT ACCORDING TO
THE OUTRAGE -- WE ARE ALWAYS
OUTRAGED.
IF YOU BUY THIS GAME, YOU ARE A
BIGOTED MONSTER.
SEE, FOR THE PAST YEAR, TRANS
ACTIVISTS HAVE BEEN PUSHING A
BOYCOTT OF THE GAME OVER ITS
ASSOCIATION WITH J.K. ROWLING.
SHE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH
MAKING THE GAME AT ALL.
WOMEN DON’T KNOW COMPUTERS.
[LAUGHTER]
OF COURSE SHE WILL PROFIT FROM
THE LICENSING RIGHTS WHICH HAVE
CERTAIN PRO-TRANS GROUPS BOILING
MAD PAPER THEY’VE BEEN THAT WAY
FOR YEARS.
SHE WAS ABSENT FROM THE
HARRY POTTER FILMS 2010 VERSION
SPECIAL, AND ONE SET, EXCITE
EVEN BANNED MENTION OF THE GAME
ALTOGETHER.
ESSENTIALLY PROVING WHAT SHE
SUGGESTED ABOUT THE TRANS
MOVEMENT.
THEY ARE BETTER AT DELETING
WOMEN THEN TED BUNDY.
BUT WHAT IS HER ACTUAL CRIME
BEYOND FORCING ME TO DO A
MONOLOGUE ON HARRY POTTER?
WELL, ONCE SHE RETWEETED AN OP-ED PIECE THAT TALKED ABOUT
OP-ED PIECE THAT TALKED ABOUT
PEOPLE WHO MENSTRUATE.
THAT’S RIGHT, IT WAS A PERIOD
PIECE.
[LAUGHTER]
>> WELL DONE.
>> Greg: THANK YOU.
BUT ROWLING POINTED OUT THAT THE
CORRECT WORD FOR THIS IS
"WOMEN."
AFTER THE SHRIEKING SUBSIDED,
SHE WROTE IN A FOLLOW-UP, "IF
SEX ISN’T REAL, THIS REMOVES THE
ABILITY OF MANY TO MEANINGFULLY
DISCUSS THEIR LIVES."
IT ISN’T HATE TO SPEAK THE
TRUTH, AND THAT IS TRUE.
SHE ALSO ECHOED WHAT WE HAVE
WARNED ABOUT.
MANY, MYSELF INCLUDED, BELIEVE
WE ARE WATCHING A NEW KIND OF
CONVERSION THERAPY FOR YOUNG
BEACH OF PEOPLE BEING SET ON A
LIFELONG PATH OF SPEED 11 THAT MIGHT RESULT IN
LOSS OF FERTILITY OR FULL
FUNCTION.
WHACKED UPS, THERAPISTS,
SURGICAL BUTCHERS, AND
BIG PHARMA.
WHICH SOUNDS LIKE THREE BANDS I
MIGHT LIKE.
FOR THAT SHE HAS BEEN TARGETED,
THREATEN, AND BAND.
THEY SAY SHE’S A BIGOT USING HER
FAME TO HURT TRANS PEOPLE AND
THAT SHE’S CONTRIBUTED TO
ANTI-TRANS RHETORIC.
BUT IT’S HARD TO FIND EVIDENCE
OF THAT ANYWHERE.
I HAVEN’T SEEN VIDEOS OF SOMEONE
SNEAKING UP BEHIND A TRANS
PERSON, STRUGGLING THEM WITH
PIANO WIRE, AND WHISPERING "J.K.
ROWLING SAYS HELLO."
I HAVEN’T HEARD ANY OF THAT, AND
I WATCH A LOT OF
"FOX & FRIENDS."
[LAUGHTER]
MEANWHILE, ROWLING HAS STOOD HER
GROUND.
LAST YEAR SOMEONE ASKED HER HOW
SHE SLEEPS AT NIGHT KNOWING SHE
HAS LOST AN AUDIENCE.
SHE REPLIED, "I READ MY MOST
RECENT ROYALTY CHECKS."
IF ONLY JESSE WATTERS COULD SAY
THE SAME ABOUT HIS BOOK.
[LAUGHTER]
ANYWAY, THIS VIDEO GAME IS GOING
TO SELL MILLIONS, OF COURSE, BUT
THE REASON WE ARE TALKING ABOUT
IT IS THIS FAKE BOYCOTT [BLEEP].
NOT ONLY HAS SHE NOT DONE
ANYTHING WRONG, SHE’S NOTHING
COMPARED TO THOSE WHO HAVE DONE
REAL WRONG.
YET STILL LEGIONS OF SUPPORT.
HOW ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON?
YOU KNOW, THE GUY WITH A
FERRIS WHEEL IN HIS BACKYARD.
NOW, I’M NO DETECTIVE, BUT THAT
SHOULD HAVE BEEN A RED FLAG.
THAT GUY’S MUSIC IS STILL PLAYED
EVERYWHERE.
HELL, I WAS DANCING TO IT IN
FRONT OF MY BEDROOM WINDOW LAST
NIGHT.
UNTIL THE COPS ARRIVED AND MADE
ME PUT ON A ROBE.
[LAUGHTER]
SAME FOR KUDLOW, TOO.
HOW ABOUT ALL THE MOVIES
HARVEY WEINSTEIN PRODUCED?
ARE YOU GOING TO SKIP "PULP
FICTION" THE NEXT TIME YOU ARE
FLIPPING THROUGH THE CHANNELS?
THAT MOVIE AND OTHER GREAT ONES
WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN MADE
WITHOUT THAT SCUMBAG SEEN THERE.
HOW ABOUT "ROSEMARY’S BABY" OR
"CHINATOWN," DIRECTED BY NONE
OTHER THAN ROMAN POLANSKI?
AND CHUCK BERRY.
GOOGLE IT TO FIND OUT WHAT HE
DID.
ONLY TO SAY THAT JOHNNY WASN’T
BEING GOOD IN THE JOHN.
IF YOU WERE TO BOYCOTT EVERY
PRODUCT THAT COULD BE TRACED TO
SOME PERCEIVED PROBLEMATIC
STANCE, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE
LEFT?
YOU COULDN’T GO TO THE MOVIES,
YOU COULDN’T READ NOVELS, YOU
COULDN’T WATCH TV.
ALL HE WOULD HAVE LEFT OUR BOOKS
BY DANA PERINO.
[LAUGHTER]
AND THOSE THINGS ARE FILTHY.
[APPLAUSE]
LET’S WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUESTS!
HE CAN’T TALK TO TERRORISTS,
MOSTLY BECAUSE HE HAD THEM ALL
KILLED.
FORMER SECRETARY OF STATE AND
AUTHOR OF THE GREAT NEW BOOK,
"NEVER GIVE AN INCH,"
MIKE POMPEO!
[APPLAUSE]
SHE IS THE ANCHOR WITH THE
RANCOR!
FOX NEWS ANCHOR, JULIE BANDERAS!
[APPLAUSE]
SHE’S GOT A LOT OF FANS, MOSTLY
BECAUSE SHE SWEATS.
FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR, KAT TIMPF!
[APPLAUSE]
AND HE USES THE GREAT WALL OF
CHINA FOR CALF RAISES.
TYRUS!
[APPLAUSE]
DO I CALL YOU MR. SECRETARY?
>> NO.
MIKE, PLEASE.
>> Greg: "MR. SECRETARY" IS
MORE FUN, THOUGH.
>> GO FOR IT.
BUT I’M GOING TO NEED MIKE TO
GET ME OUT OF HERE TONIGHT.
>> Greg: LET’S GET RIGHT TO
IT.
WHO KILLED JFK?
>> [SIGH] >> THANKS FOR COMING, SIR
THE ONE WOULD IT
BE INSUBORDINATE IF I IGNORED
THAT?
>> Greg: SOMEBODY WATCHES THE
SHOW!
ARE YOU A HARRY POTTER FAN?
>> I DON’T HAVE ANY HARRY POTTER
IN MY HOUSE BECAUSE THERE IS
NOTHING IN IT.
[LAUGHTER]
>> HEY-O!
>> Greg: ARE YOU WORRIED?
HAVE YOU BEEN DOING FOR YOUR
STUFF?
>> AS SOON AS I GET OUT OF HERE.
>> WE WILL DO THAT IN THE NEXT
BLOCK.
WHEN YOU THINK OF THIS IDEA OF
BOYCOTTING THINGS AND THIS WHOLE
MOVEMENT AGAINST -- IT SEEMS
KIND OF BIZARRE THAT SHE HAS
BECOME THE FOCAL POINT FOR ALL
OF THIS.
>> I THINK WE’VE ALL SEEN THIS
BEFORE, SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING,
THE PROGRESSIVE WOKE LEFT PICKS
IT UP, AND THEY TRY TO USE
ECONOMICS.
IT’S CRAZY STUFF.
A LOT OF FOLKS WANT TO READ HER
STUFF, PEOPLE SHOULD READ HER
STUFF.
WRINKLY, WHICH HE SAID IS PRETTY
ACCURATE.
WE’RE PRETTY CONFIDENT THERE ARE
TWO GENDERS AND MOST BABIES I
HAD BY WOMEN.
>> Greg: THAT’S TRUE.
SPEAK ABOUT THE JOKE.
ALL OF THEM.
>> Greg: BY THE WAY, I’M IN
CHAPTER 13.
IT’S TRUE, THERE ARE ALIENS, AND
THEY LIVE AMONG US.
THAT’S PRETTY POWERFUL.
I JUST MADE THAT UP.
[LAUGHTER]
>> I WAS LIKE IT, "OOH, I’M
READING IT!"
>> I THOUGHT I TOOK THAT PART
OUT.
>> Greg: YES, IT’S BEEN
REDACTED.
SO, JULIE, DO YOUR KIDS READ
HARRY POTTER?
>> NO.
WE ARE NOT A HARRY POTTER
FAMILY.
I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THE
FASCINATION OF IT.
BUT IF MY KIDS ARE GOING TO PLAY
VIDEO GAME, I DON’T THINK THE
AUTHOR OR CREATOR OF THE
VIDEO GAME IS GOING TO MAKE A
DIFFERENCE AS TO WHETHER I THINK
THEY SHOULD BE PLAYING THE
VIDEO GAME.
BUT I’VE GOT TO GIVE IT TO J.K.
IN 2020 SHE POSTED A SERIES OF
TWEETS ARGUING THAT TRANSGENDER
WOMEN SHOULD NOT BE COUNTED AS
WOMEN, AND THIS IS A QUOTE, "IF
SEX ISN’T REAL, THE LIVED
REALITY OF WOMEN GLOBALLY IS A
RACE."
FINALLY A WOMAN WHO AGREES WITH
ME THAT SEX ISN’T REAL!
>> I THINK YOU GOT IT BACKWARDS.
IT IS REAL! SHE SAYING IT
ISRAEL
>> LET’S GO WITH THIS.
IT’S NOT REAL, THAT MEANS WE ARE
NOT BAD AT IT.
[LAUGHTER]
>> THAT’S TRUE.
AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT HIS WIFE
SAYS.
>> Greg: WHERE IS THIS GOING?
IS THIS THE FASTEST REGRET
YOU’VE EVER HAD?
>> I’M PRETTY SURE I KNOW I YOU
HAVE THE SECRETARY OF STATE ON
THE FLOOR.
I THINK I JUST FIGURED IT OUT.
>> HE’S GOING TO MAKE A CODE RED
CALL.
>> I FIND IT IRONIC THAT YOUR
TITLE IS CALLED "NEVER GIVE AN
INCH," AND YET YOU’VE GIVEN AWAY
HOW MANY, 20 INCHES?
>> A COUPLE.
>> Greg: SEE THE WEIGHT LOSS
CONNECTION?
THIS IS WHY I’M SITTING HERE AND
THOSE OTHER PEOPLE AREN’T.
>> THAT’S ONE OF THE SERIES.
>> IN THE PICTURES.
>> Greg: ARE YOU A FAN OF
J.K. ROWLING?
YOU ARE A WEIRD KID, YOU
PROBABLY WERE 20 YEARS AGO,
READING THOSE BOOKS.
>> THAT’S WHY IT’S SO WEIRD TO
ME THAT J.K. ROWLING IS THIS
CONSERVATIVE ICON NOW, BECAUSE
MY MOM WOULDN’T LET ME READ
HARRY POTTER, BECAUSE WITCHCRAFT
AND WIZARDRY WERE OF THE DEVIL!
I’M COMPLETELY SERIOUS.
IMAGINE HOW EASY IT WAS FOR ME
TO FIT IN!
[LAUGHS]
BUT NOW SHE’S A CONSERVATIVE
ICON, BECAUSE THE DEVIL, I FEEL
LIKE I’VE HEARD IS NOT
CONSERVATIVE.
LIKE, HE’S MORE OF A BAD BOY.
BUT IT’S ALL KIND OF SLIPPED
NOW, AND THAT’S WHY IT’S SUPER,
SUPER INTERESTING TO ME.
BUT HARRY POTTER, SOME OF THE
QUOTES IN THIS ARTICLE I COULD
NOT HANDLE.
IT WAS LIKE, LGBTQ COMMUNITY
ROILING OVER HARRY POTTER
VIDEO GAME.
I DON’T THINK THAT’S TRUE.
SOME OF THE QUOTES IN THE
ARTICLE, UNLIKE -- THEY ARE
CALLING IT A CRISIS?
IF YOU THINK THAT THE CRISIS,
BOY, DO I HAVE SOME STORIES FOR
YOU.
>> Greg: YES.
IT MUST BE NICE TO HAVE A LIFE
WHERE THIS IS THE BIGGEST
PROBLEM YOU HAVE.
>> EXACTLY.
>> Greg: YOU DON’T HAVE CANCER
IN YOUR FAMILY, YOU’RE NOT
SUFFERING FROM ANY DEBILITATING
ISSUES.
>> YOU’RE ALLOWED TO READ
HARRY POTTER!
>> Greg: EXACTLY.
HOW MANY OF THESE OUTRAGED
PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY OUTRAGED?
OR IS THIS AN ATTENTION-SEEKING
DEVICE?
>> THEIR DEFINITION OF OUTRAGE,
THIS WAS PROBABLY -- I THOUGHT
THIS WOULD BE A GOOD SHAKEDOWN.
THEY WOULD COME TO HER AND THEY
DONATE ALL KINDS OF MONEY TO THE
FUND AND THEIR CAUSE.
AND WHEN SHE DIDN’T, NOW WE WILL
CANCEL YOU.
FIRST OF ALL, SHE IS GANGSTER.
I DIDN’T READ HARRY POTTER, BUT
I’M BUYING ALL THE BOOKS.
I’M GETTING PAPERBACK,
HARDCOVER.
IF THERE IS AUDIO, I’M IN IT.
THE VIDEO GAME DIDN’T LOOK MY
SPEED.
DOWNLOADED IT TODAY ON MY XBOX.
SO I AM ALL IN, 1000%.
WHY?
DON’T REALLY CARE FOR THE FOLKS BOOKS,
BUT SHE WAS BEING A NORMAL ADULT
WOMEN DEFENDING HERSELF AND
DEFENDING FEMINISM AND BEING
SUCCESSFUL, THAT’S NOT A CRIME.
THEY TRY TO INVENT THESE CRIMES
TO TAKE US DOWN.
THE KIDS ARE GOING TO KEEP
BUYING THE BOOK.
NONE OF THEM ARE BUYING THE
BOOK.
LIKE, THAT’S THE THING.
THEY ARE NOT -- WOKE GO BROKE.
HOW MANY WOKE MOVIES DID YOU SEE
WHEN THEY CANNOT?
NONE.
THEY ALL FAILED MISERABLY.
THE NEW WOKE SCOOBY DOO?
THE WORST CARTOON DEBUT IN THE
HISTORY OF CARTOONS!
THAT MEANS THEY LOST TWO AND A
GUY TOOK A PIECE OF PAPER AND
WENT LIKE THIS.
AND YOU SAW THE GUY RUNNING.
>> Greg: [LAUGHS]
>> THAT CARTOON BEAT THE WOKE.
>> Greg: THAT’S GREAT.
IS THAT THOMAS EDISON?
>> WHOMEVER!
HOCUS-POCUS, KISS HER ASS, AND
ENJOY YOUR ROYALTY CHECKS, MA.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: ISN’T IT CALLED
"VELMA," THE NEW SCOOBY DOO
CARTOON?
>> NOBODY KNOWS WHAT IT’S CALLED
BECAUSE NOBODY SAW THAT [BLEEP].
>> IT IS "VELMA."