[music playing]
What are you doing in my hot slacks?!
[music playing]
Nope. Don't do that.
[music playing]
[grunting]
[music playing]
[chattering]
You alright?
Obviously a major malfunction.
W-Why you under the table?
I messed up my hair.
Okay. Come on, Piper, I'm sure it's not that-
Oh, my God what happen to your hair?
I've tried to trim my hair just a little bit so I could be
this Fresno girl doll for Halloween.
That would of been a sweet 'stume.
But after I trimmed it, I noticed that the right side
was a little bit longer than the left side
so I trimmed a little off the right,
but I trimmed too much.
So then I tried to even it out on the left side,
but I trimmed too much again, and it just kept happening.
At least it's even.
I look terrible
and my hair was one of the 50 best qualities.
Guess whose daddy got a hole in four today?
I'll give you a hint. It's- Eyah! Oh!
Do I look that bad?
Uh, no. No.
I just need to... check the sink.
[gagging]
Guys! My face is gone! My face is gone!
My face is gone! My face is gone!
Everything's under control.
Little girl! Stop running so I can shoot it off your face!
He'll probably just shoot it off her face.
[screaming]
I gotcha!
Well, the creature chewed her cheek up a little,
but she's okay.
I am not okay!
Does anyone know who this girl is?
Wait. Why isn't the buzz dart affecting her?
Mmm. Wait for it.
Dad, I'm cereal-
[grunting]
Oh, my God, what's wrong with her?
I don't know, but it's making me uncomfortable.
Hugo, Chavez.
Could you take this, uh, child away?
[grunting]
[screaming]
Okay, I'm really mad.
But... I'm not gonna lose my temper
because I've learned that if I do lose my temper,
[screaming]
[coughing]
Do I smell lobster balls?
Hey, Hen, when did you text me a video?
Henry!
Come back here with my new phone!
Henry!
[screaming]
Yeah, well, I don't know to do. What are we going to do then?
- Give me the keys. - What?
Give me, give me, give me the keys.
What are you going to do?
Uh, tell your sister to make Lobby move to his right.
Piper, can you, uh, can you make Lobby move
to his right a little?
All right, fine.
Lobby, will you move to your right?
For you? Sure.
[grunting]
Ow!
[cheering]
[laughing]
[screaming]
[beeping]
Sorry you had to see that but, uh,
[screaming]
Stop that! No! You do not get it to-Stop it!
I get to take a photo--
- No! This is not for you! - Yes, it is!
- Stop it! - Stop!
[arguing]
- Stop it! - Stop!
You have a sickness!
No, I don't!
Sickness misbehavior!
Stop! Just let me do it!
[arguing]
[screaming]
[groaning]
- Piper. - What?
You can't live the rest of your life
face down in the carpet.
[groaning]
[doorbell ringing]
Doorbell.
Will you get out of my closet?
What is this thing?
Oh, it's a Vomiting Benny Doll.
Why would they call this-
[screaming] Gross!
[laughing]
[screaming]
Uh, did you just see that?
I can't see anything! Your doll vomited in my eyes!
Piper, it's your commercial.
My commercial's on!
It's a new day at Fred Lobster.
[laughing]
It's me! It's me! It's me!
Who knows Lob--
We interrupt this program for breaking news.
What the butt?!
Put my commercial back on!
[screaming]
There's a big bug on the coffee bean display!
Oh, my God, it's a scorpion! [screaming]
Alright, everybody, let's just calm down, okay?
You know, uh, I used to be a better than average
tennis player back in my day. You mind?
Alright, Mr. Scorpion...
don't take this personally, but game set and smash!
What was that?
[screaming]
[groaning]
Listen, Billy, I might be going away
for a little while.
Seriously?
Well, I don't want to say anything
without a lawyer present, but--
Oh, I got a good lawyer.
He also works down at Nacho Ball.
We got 'em.
They were in the girl's room.
And get this.
Some of their heads... were filled with bread.
What?
You sick freak.
Let's go.
I, uh... Wait for me, Billy! Wait for me on the other side!
I'll get the rest of that cotton candy over there,
and you get that pile.
To the pile.
[screaming]
- What? - I felt something.
There's an animal in there.
An animal?
- Piper? - Oh, my God.
[groaning]
What's wrong with her?
I... I think she's in a cotton candy coma.
[groaning]
I love it.
Hello.
Yeah, hi, Pip--
Hello, little girl.
Uh. [chuckles]
H-H-Hey, Captain Man and Kid Danger.
I, uh, didn't expect to see you guys here.
Yeah, we bet you didn't.
Yeah, well, I... I--
Nice tee shirt.
Yeah, with the Thumb Buddies on it.
Oh, come on, this is just a tee shirt.
It's not like I'm their number one fan.
Oh, really? Then explain this.
Thumber one fan?
- Jeez, man. - Wow.
[grunting]
I hate this thing. Help me take it off.
No, no, no, no. You have to wear this
or your neck will never get better.
[phone chiming]
Oh. Someone texted me.
I can't see my phone screen.
Someone read me the text.
Okay. Uh...
Emma says, "OMG, so jelly, I'm dying.
Hot skater boy from Spanish class
went up to Stephanie and literally said
he wanted to hang with her right in my face."
I don't know what any of that means.
That's cause you're too old to understand real life.
Come on.
No.
Come on. You can't hide in the bathroom forever.
I just want to leave.
Why? You should be proud of your project.
My project is an embarrassment.
Come on, let's test it again.
No.
All right, I am your adult
and I say we test your volcano again.
[sighing]
I'm so proud of you.
Mom, guys, let's hustle it up.
We gotta get these rocks to Swellview Park.
Look, Piper, your Fred Lobster commercial's on TV.
It is! Oh, turn it up!
It's a new day at Fred Lobster.
[laughing]
Who knows Lob--
We interrupt this program for breaking news.
Hold my phone.
And... roll video.
Okay. Go.
Hi, Paula Macchiato.
I want to join your club so much,
I'm gonna eat a bowl of...
hair soup.
I'm starving. Give me some of your food.
No, no, no, no, no. What are you doing?
- Dude! - But you can't eat my apple.
[sighing] Fine, then give me the egg.
No, no, no, no. Are you insane? Okay, A and E are two
of this country's most popular vowels.
What do you saying?!
Hey, Hey! No loud talking in auditorium.
- Yeah, yeah, fine. - We're very sorry.
Now, give me a snack.
[arguing]
Will you stop being so stingy?!
It is mine! [whistle blowing]
Go on, show 'em the door.
- What?! - Oh, come on.
She was taking my stuff.
- It's my stuff! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey, what's going on here?
We're being evicted.
- What? - I wanted one egg. One!