Let’s open big
with another installment of
humans being nice.
Nothing beats
giving ya best mate a man hug
after a tough day at kindy.
“How are ya buddy,
look at you,
ya mum got you a new truck!?”
“Yeah, I’ve been eating all me dinner lately,
so I was due for a treat.
It’s got loads of features.
Come on.
Let’s go make a ramp!”
Seriously, the only thing that matters in their world
is havin’ a good time.
Ah dear me,
this sheila has a broken leg.
She’s trying to cross a bloody massive 50 lane freeway.
She stops to catch her breath.
Everyone runs away to let her get squashed,
which could happen.
Cuz let’s face it when you’re in a car,
you do quit caring about humanity.
Handbag Lady says “jump on me back.
I’m tough as fuck.”
She yells to the car person
“You shall not pass!”
And off they go.
Galloping into the sunset.
Some humans have the unique ability
to see a problem in society
and go “ya know what.
This is an easy fix.
You’re all being slowed down
by a clogged drain.
Gimme a minute and
I’ll remove all the pubes.
Quit flushing ya pubes everyone.”
Yeah, bring this fella a mid-strength beer ASAP.
Ah it is tricky getting kids to eat their food.
What’s she doing?
Is she throwing it out on the footpath?
Typical young person.
She’s clearly an ungrateful snowflake millennial.
Oh wait a sec.
Yeah nah nah nah nah,
she’s donating her lunch
to the homeless bloke.
That is pure niceness.
He’s like “Wowee,
I will devour a steak and veggies.
Cheers you little champion.”
Somewhere inside
there’s a manager getting shitty about cutlery
being outdoors but screw them.
Screw
them.
This top bloke is reuniting a duckling family.
They haven’t seen each other for a while.
It’s very emotional.
[The guy: Oh my god...].
Happy times for humankind
and duck-kind
bringing the best out in one another.
Snakes often get stereotyped
as being dodgy wankers,
but some people don’t care.
This guy is like “it’s a stinky hot day,
you deserve a shower
my reptilian friend.
I’m not even gonna overcharge you
for water.
It’s free.
You hear me.
Free water.”
The snake replies
“Eh you won’t go far in a capitalist society,
none the less,
cheers for the free H20.”
This turtle could do with some water as well.
I don’t think it’s working on its beach body
and its summer tan.
It looks genuinely stuck.
It’s yelling “put ya back into humans.
I’m not that much of a fat fuck.
Turn me around.
Oi.
Oi face me towards the ocean.
Now puuuuuuush.
Yeah that’s good.
Ha Ha.
Thanks.
I hope I end up
being on the Youngbloods YouTube channel.
I better.
Ha ha.”
This young fella
has got a good spot at the Metallica concert.
He’s calling out “Jimbo!
Hey Jimbo over here!
And there’s a very quick cheeky fist bump
from James Hetfield.
Well, that has made his day.
Dad feels pretty cool too.
Yeah nah dad could be the real
Master of Puppets behind the story here.
You know who else loves a fist bump?
Usain Bolty.
He is probably the King of
Fist Bumps
and making people feel awesome.
It’s a simple gesture,
yet it goes a long way.
Oh and a free beanie.
Fuck yeah for free shit!
Gargh!
Not old people again.
We know I can’t stand
old people being sweet to one another.
It’s just
too
wholesome.
Ah bugger it.
Good on you smooth operator.
Give ya missus a relaxing hair brush.
Inspire us flippant young dickheads
in terms of relationship goals.
He bloody swiped right on her
in 1950 and never looked back.
That is admirable.
They were giving each other pandemic haircuts
before pandemic haircuts
were even a thing.