A Swiss tourist allegedly went missing in Disneyland Paris
after taking acid with his girlfriend, and, uh...
Is that him?
And, uh, the girlfriend told authorities,
and they found him after midnight
on the bank of a lake
he had reportedly fallen into earlier.
(chuckles): He was... he was later arrested
for not being able to handle his buzz.
And, uh, Tim, what are you on right now?
Uh, David, I wish I could afford any type of drug.
-Uh... -(laughter)
(laughing)
The guy's at Disney World with his chick,
and they don't have kids.
It's like he should be in jail for that.
Uh, you're-you're in Paris.
Go somewhere else. What are you, an animal?
I thought Parisians, like, hated Disney.
I didn't even know there was a Disney World
-in Paris. -I didn't know there was one either.
-Yeah. -I thought they were, like, cultural,
classy people, you know?
I know. I forgot about Disneyland in Paris
-completely. -Paris. I had no idea. -Euro Disney. Yeah.
-Who goes there to go there? That's the thing. -I don't know.
-If you're there, you're like... -I feel like it exists solely
for terrorists, to just chill them out, you know?
-Yeah. -Like, they go over there. They're like, "All right,
-this isn't horrible." You know? -Seven days there,
and, the last day, they get on the plane, they're like,
"Oh, we didn't go to the Eiffel Tower.
-Oh, that's right. That's here, too." -Deradicalize them.
-Yeah. -Yeah. No, uh, this guy,
I wonder how in-- how far into the report she got,
where they weren't really listening, and then she goes,
"And he's on acid." Like, "Oh."
Walkies are blowing up. (crackling sounds)
But, uh, I-I thought the girl was good,
because she was on acid and managed to organize
a seek and rescue mission.
She couldn't have just said her boyfriend was tired?
-She had to rat him out? Like... -Yeah.
-Yeah. Great. -This is-- this is why...
I'm a black man. I do my drugs in my house.
(laughs): Yeah.
-Yeah. -You know what I'm saying?
(applause)
Very smart.
Speaking of drugged up-- we're all speaking of it--
uh, it's a drugged up world out there.
Oof, don't get me started.
Uh, a couple in Austria-- not Australia,
which I thought it was earlier--
were expecting a box of, uh, dresses.
Instead, boing, they got a box of 24,000 Ecstasy pills.
-(gasping) -The woman thought--
the woman thought they were decorative pebbles.
Uh, and the man took it to the local cops.
He's a puss. And, uh, they didn't know what Ecstasy was.
I thought it was a MyPillow.
Um, that's what's inside one.
Uh, in fairness, I don't know what decorative,
uh, pebbles are, so I wouldn't know what these are.
That was actually meant for Snoop's high school reunion.
Yeah.
Yeah!
I just don't think that Austrian couple's gonna work out,
when the woman's like, "Oh, they're decorative pebbles,"
and the guy knows, "No, it's drugs, honey.
-Don't be stupid." -Yeah. If you know what it is...
They're living two different worlds, that couple.
-I tell you, I didn't know they were. -Also, who orders
a box of dresses? What are those freaks doing?
They should go to jail.
-That's why he does the pills. -What kind of Hansel
-and Gretel-type shit is going on? -Yeah.
First of all, this would've never been a story
if this was me, 'cause I would've kept 'em.
-Yeah, it's not a-- It's like finding -I'm not giving any...
-a box of money or something. -Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, no, I would give money back.
Uh, this is sort of boring, but an ad
for her lifestyle brand, Poosh--
Poosh? Was-was Puss already taken?
Kourtney Kardashian posted a picture of herself
reading a book. Oh, people went nuts over this.
We had to use the one photo
-where the book was right-side up. -Is that the B--
-Looks like the Holy Bible. What is that? -Is that...
I don't know. That's one of her-- It's...
Jane Eyre, I think.
It's, like, a lifestyle brand.
By the way, nothing relaxes me more
than sitting sideways in a square empty tub.
-I know. -Yeah.
-Yeah. -She...
That's not an aspirational moment.
-No. -That's not an aspirational lifestyle.
The messed-up thing about this
is that she's an influencer,
and now kids are gonna start reading
-and they're gonna have back problems. -Yeah.
-Let's not push the back problems. -This bitch
doesn't know how to get attention.
Like, think of everything
everybody else in that family's done.
Like, she's reading. She dated a guy named Scott.
Like, that's not what the move is.
-That's not what the move is. -That's not it.
-I hate her. -Yeah.
I like Khloe. I like the fat one
who's now thin but somehow is still fat.
-Somehow. -Well, also,
one of her fans went to bat for her
and reminded the haters that she went to college.
First of all, don't stick up for the Kardashians.
-They're never the underdog. -Yeah. True. -Right.
-This isn't a real Rudy story. -Unless it's a spelling bee.
-Come on. -Come on. Come on.
(applause)
-Yeah. All right. -All right. -Yeah.
-Well... -I wonder-- I wonder
who told her what book she was reading.
Yeah.
You know, it does look even faker
that she opens it in the middle, you know what I mean?
-Yeah. -'Cause that's, like,
-a fake move. -She's halfway through.
They just hand it to her. "Go, go."
And she was selling a dif-- It was all to sell
some diffusion oil that combined lavender, rose
and, like, peanut butter.
Anything that smells like three things ain't a good thing.
I will say, none of this reflects on Poosh,
-which has great products. -Yes.
-Poosh is great. Click on. -Oh. Separate from her?
I don't want to-- It's not...
-This is just a long Poosh infomercial. -Yeah. Right.