(gentle music) - What does it take
to write an ad, a headline, or a subject line
that's impossible to ignore?
Come along with me as I take you through
one of my favorite copywriting exercises ever.
I'm gonna let you look over my shoulder
as I critique this copy from reMarkable
and six other variations that were submitted
by the Posse community.
What made them great, what left me wanting more,
and what could make them even more powerful?
Keep watching.
(upbeat music)
Hey Posse, what's up, it's Alex.
If you're following me on Instagram @CopyPosse,
then you've probably seen my regular Make It Hotter post,
where I find an ad, a headline, or a subject line
and then I put it out to you, the Posse community,
to, yep, you guessed it, make it hotter.
Not only is this one of my favorite ways
to practice copywriting,
to see what other copywriters think and how they write,
which ultimately helps you better understand
why certain things work and why certain things don't.
And the best part of this exercise
is when I get to put on my Posse prof spectacles
and critique the top voted submissions.
So in today's video, I'm gonna take you through
one of my latest editions of Make It Hotter
and break down each of my critiques
for each ad point by point.
So let's get started.
So let's take a look first at this post
where I asked my Posse community to make this ad
from reMarkable even hotter.
Now, this ad was for
my favorite paperless tablet, reMarkable.
If you know me, you know I love reMarkable.
I am not affiliated with them in any way,
but I am sure I have sold a lot of these
'cause I talk about them all the time.
So reMarkable, if you wanna sponsor my videos,
hit your girl up because I'm already a huge fan.
So let's take a look at their copy.
It says, "Ready to replace your notebooks
with something smarter?
Keep all your work on a single slim device.
ReMarkable 2, order yours today.
Perfect for paper people."
Not bad, not bad, I don't mind it, but I gotta admit,
I like the Posse-ified versions way better.
But before I get to my critiques of those submissions,
let's first critique reMarkable's original copy,
what worked, what was lacking,
and what could be done better.
Now the first thing I noticed is the hook they are using.
They are directly calling out notebook hoarders.
Hello, that is so me.
These are all my notebooks on my desk right now. (laughing)
So they say, "Ready to replace your notebooks
with something smarter?"
And yeah, I think that's really great.
And then they pivot into one of the selling points,
"to keep all of your work on a single slim device'.
Yes, it's true, it's good, but it could be better.
Because in my opinion, most people who are drawn
to the reMarkable aren't drawn to it
because it's a slim device.
I mean, I have an iPad right here
that does basically the same thing.
The target audience of reMarkable wants to maintain
that distraction-free experience of writing on paper,
but without all that clutter and disorganization.
So I would love to see this pivot section
have a little bit more of an enticing benefit.
They end their ad with the call to action,
"Order yours today, perfect for paper people".
And I actually really love this CTA
because, again, they're directly calling out those of us
in their audience who really love notebooks
and the experience of writing on paper.
But the one thing I would change
is I would just swap the order of those two statements.
So instead say, "Perfect for paper people,
order yours today".
That way the very last thing the person reads
is a call to action, the one that they want them to take,
which is ordering the reMarkable tablet.
It's a really small tweak,
but you'd be surprised how impactful it could be.
Overall, this is an ad that I would say is good,
but let's see what the Posse thinks.
Before I get to my critiques, here's a quick recap
of my three step formula for writing a hot ad or headline.
And don't worry about taking notes on this formula
because I have a free guide waiting for you
at the end of this video that will break down
each of these step by step.
Now, a hot headline should one, hook attention.
So start with a concept or idea
that really grabs the reader's attention,
either by provoking an emotion like fear, joy,
FOMO, nostalgia, or promising a desired result
or clear USP, that's unique selling proposition.
Two, it needs to open a loop, which is to pique curiosity
and incentivize your reader to continue going.
And number three, it needs to talk to your target audience,
making it crystal clear exactly who you are speaking to.
Not in a demographic way, but really what they value
and what they're looking for.
So now let's take a look at the Posse submissions
along with my critique of each of them.
So these six ads were actually selected
because they received the most amount of likes or votes
from the Posse community.
So let's dive in and take a look.
All right, now we have this first ad.
"Exhausted from flipping through pages
trying to find your notes?
Try reMarkable, the world's thinnest tablet
and have all your notes in hand with a touch of your finger.
Stop flipping and get tapping." (laughing)
Overall, really, really great ad.
I wanna point out just a couple of things though.
Number one, make sure to watch your punctuation.
You wanna make sure that you're using proper capitalization,
commas, grammar, all that sort of thing.
It's really, really important.
I love your "Exhausted from flipping through pages?"
It's a great pain point, but could it be even more concise?
Because when I think about it,
it's really not that exhausting flipping through pages.
And to be honest, even on the reMarkable tablet,
you still have to flip through pages
so that doesn't really solve that problem.
But what if instead you could say,
"Tired of losing your notes?"
Because as a notebook user, as you've seen,
I lose my notes all the time.
I'm like, what notebook did I put that in
and I'm constantly losing my notes,
so I think that's maybe a bit more
of a specific and relatable pain point.
Also, I love the "with the touch of your finger",
but it's a little bit cliche
and I think you could probably remove it
as it's not adding that much.
So instead, just have it say "the world's thinnest tablet
and have all your notes in hand"
and then I would make a stronger CTA.
So you can have the "stop flipping and get tapping",
but maybe you could say, "Stop searching and get tapping"
or something like that.
And I think having a CTA that just said something like,
"Order yours today", right?
We wanna make sure you're driving people back
to actually purchasing and getting their tablet
so keep the CTA a bit more left brain, a bit more direct.
Overall, great job there.
All right, this next ad with Sharon.
She says in her ad, "Who says slim can't go digital?
Take your notes everywhere
without the noticeable bulge in the bag".
(laughing) That makes me laugh.
"Smart just went reMarkable to the power of 2.0.
Order your smarter notebook today."
So overall, really, really cute.
Sharon, I love where you went with this.
You just wanna make sure that you're not making it too cute
and focusing on just the specifics with fewer words.
And so what I might say in the main hook,
that's a bit unclear to me,
"Who says slim can't go digital?"
I think of digital being, yeah, of course,
you know, the digital tablet is going to be slim.
So I might just say, "Who says your notes can't go digital?"
I think that's just a little bit more direct.
"Take your notes everywhere", brilliant.
I legit take my reMarkable tablet with me everywhere I go
because it is so slim.
So, "Take your notes everywhere
without the noticeable bulge in the bag".
I think that could be a little bit of a stronger benny.
Is having your bag bulge,
(laughing) I don't know why I find that so funny.
Is having your bag bulge
really that much of a pain point?
What about, "Take your notes everywhere
without the extra weight"?
Because I know for me, I have a notebook for like business,
I have a notebook for my to-do list,
I have a notebook for travel,
I have a notebook for goal setting.
I have all these different notebooks
that if I was going on a trip,
I'd wanna take all of them with me, but I can't,
so that obviously is a lot of extra weight
which might be a little bit more relatable.
"Smart just went reMarkable to the power of 2.0."
I really like that sentence.
I wanna love it but I just can't help but think
it doesn't really add anything to the ad.
Like just because it's 2.0 doesn't really mean much.
But you could change it to say,
"Smart just went reMarkable with our reMarkable 2.0
because we have added this new feature"
or something like that or you could just remove it.
"Order your notebook today."
I think again, if you're saying smarter
a couple other places, you can remove the word smarter.
Overall, really, really well done.
I think this ad hits on a lot of the points so good job.
Okay, this next ad.
"You have great ideas but they can be made reMarkable."
So that I really, really love.
I love the crispness of that,
I think it makes a lot of sense.
You might just wanna tweak the flow a little bit.
So it says, "You have great ideas,
so why not make them reMarkable?"
Just again, slight little tweak.
Same idea, little bit better flow.
Love the pun, obviously. (laughing)
Love a good pun, love the use of an emoji.
I think the only thing here is not to forget the CTA
so make sure to just add one on the end.
It could say, "Get your reMarkable 2.0 today"
or, "Order yours today".
"Get the pad that never forgets."
See that, that to me is really great.
I might change the word pad to tablet
because I don't think they really use the word pad.
Or you could say, "Get the notebook that never forgets",
which I also think is really great
because of their features where it allows you
to sync with your desktop
and not lose your notes and things like that.
So really, really on track, great with this one.
I would say slight tweaks in the flow and languaging,
adding a CTA, bada bing, bada boom.
You got yourself a pretty juicy ad there.
Okay, next up, "Paper companies fear this, here's why.
It's smarter, it is slimmer, and it is reMarkable, too.
Order now, only three left at $500".
So I really love some of the concepts you're using here
and I think it could be finessed just a little bit.
So I really love the hook.
Like, "Paper companies fear this", right?
It's a little clickbait-y.
Can you change it to something like,
"We've spooked paper companies".
I think that has the same effect
without it being as clickbait-y
and definitely piques my curiosity.
You could probably even remove the words "here's why",
but I do like that and I see where you're going with it.
Using a reason why is really powerful.
Use more contractions, so it is, it is, it is.
It's just extra syllables.
So it's smarter, it's slimmer, it's reMarkable, too.
I really love the benefits, good rule of three there.
I think that's awesome.
Strong call to action, "Order now".
I might make it a little bit clearer
and say like what exactly are they ordering
because up until this point,
you actually haven't said what it is.
So it could say, "Order your paperless,
you know, reMarkable tablet now, only three left".
Great scarcity, of course if it's real.
So for the sake of this, we're gonna assume
that there are only three left.
But you wouldn't, of course, just say that
if there wasn't three left
and I'm guessing there wouldn't be just three left.
But you could do a Black Friday type of promotion.
I know reMarkable has done promotions in the past
where there would be a really good reason
to use scarcity in that regard.
So overall, really, really great job.
Love the concepts, it's just finessing a little bit.
All right, now we have Aisha.
"Heavy writing just got lighter.
Why carry multiple notebooks
when you can have the new reMarkable 2,
a single tablet with the capacity of 100 notebooks".
Really, really strong.
The one thing I might change
is the "heavy writing just got lighter".
That's an emotional connotation
as opposed to a physical connotation.
So you might just wanna say,
"Your book bag just got lighter", something like that.
Again, sometimes when we try to be like too cute,
too punny, too catchy, it has the reverse effect.
So sometimes just, "Your book bag just got lighter",
I think that's great.
"Why carry multiple notebooks
when you can use the new reMarkable 2?"
I just thought "use" just had that bit
of a better rhyming subtle flow to it.
Again, "have" is fine.
"A single tablet with the capacity of 100 notebooks."
That is so powerful, right?
That all of a sudden makes me go, "Wait what, 100?"
And there might even be more than that,
but the specificity of using 100 is really powerful.
I would just say add a call to action
and you're good to go there, awesome job.
And last one, okay.
"A notebook that can keep up
with the speed of your brilliant thoughts?
Meet your digital think tank, the new reMarkable 2."
So really love the idea of the hook,
like, "A notebook that can keep up
with your brilliant thoughts?"
I might just, again, remove a few words
just to catch the flow or fix the flow.
"A notebook that can keep up with your thoughts."
I have this all the time where it's like,
why can't I write faster?
My brain's going too fast and, you know,
my hand won't write faster.
But "a notebook that can keep up
with your brilliant thoughts",
I think sounds really great for flow.
"Meet your digital think tank."
So I would be careful about introducing information
that makes it a little bit more confusing
because I still don't know
what the reMarkable 2 really does.
So what if you changed it to say something like,
"Meet the tablet that feels like paper" or something
'cause digital think tank, all of a sudden takes me out
of this experience and I'm wondering
what even that is, right?
So I think if you just said, "Meet the tablet
that feels like paper, the new reMarkable 2",
you know, add a CTA and you're done,
then I think you're good to go there, great job.
All right, there we have it.
Everyone did such a great job on this exercise.
Now, if you wanna play along
in my next edition of Make It Hotter,
be sure to follow me on Instagram at @CopyPosse.
And if you liked this video and wanna see
more in-depth critiques like this one in the future,
make sure to subscribe to my channel below
and don't forget to ring that bell to be notified
when my next video goes live. (bell dinging)
And don't forget to grab your copy
of my free Hot Headline Guide so that you can learn exactly
how to write headlines that grab attention
and stop scrollers dead in their tracks.
You can grab that in just a few seconds
at the end of this video.
I will see you next week with a brand new video.
Until then, I'm Alex, ciao for now.
All right guys, if you enjoyed that video,
make sure to check out the next one from me right here
and you can click right here to get a free gift.
What does it take to write an ad, headline,
or subject line that is impossible to ignore?
Come along with me as I take you through
one of my favorite copywriting exercises ever.
I'm about to let you look over my shoulder
as I critique six ads on the fly.
What made them great, what left me wanting more,
and what would make them even more powerful?
Keep watching.