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Dear Thay, I'd like to know if we have to forgive everything and how to do that.
Dear Thay,do we have to forgive everything and how can I do that?
All of us are unskilful at times.
And when we are not skilful,
we suffer and we make the other person suffer.
And that person may be the person we love.
So, unskilfulness ...
is something that happened to everyone.
And we desire that, when we are unskilful,
and we suffer and make the other person suffer,
we wish to be forgiven.
But that is not enough.
We have to learn from our unskilfulness.
So we may ask the other person that
not only his or her forgiveness
but also her support.
We may ask him or her like this:
Dear one, I am unskilful at times.
So when I say something or do something unskilful,
I suffer and I make you suffer.
It is very kind of you to forgive me,
but I'd like to ask you a favour:
that when I am about
to say something or to do something unskilful,
please warn me.
Please remind me,
so that I will refrain from doing that.
Because it may become a habit.
And after I have committed the unskiful act,
not only you forgive me,
but you help me, you remind me
that this is unskilfulness,
so that next time I will not repeat the same type.
So we need to practice.
And we need the help of the other person to help us practice.
And the other part of the answer is that
in order to forgive,
you have to see the suffering
and the unskilfulness of the other person.
The other person may not want to hurt us,
to make us suffer,
it's only that she has, or he has a lot of unskilfulness.
And that is why if we recognize that
that has come from the unskilfulness of that person,
we will not be angry, and we can forgive easily.
And when we look at him or her and see the suffering in that person,
which is at the base of all kinds of act
and words that make you suffer,
when we see the suffering in him or in her
when we understand that suffering,
when we know that that person is not capable of handling,
of taking care of the suffering in him or in her,
they become a victim of the suffering,
and we are only victim number 2 or number 3 only.
When we are able to see the suffering in him or in her,
and see that that person is victim of his own suffering,
and then it's easy to forgive.
Recognize the suffering.
Understanding the suffering.
And having the desire to help that person to suffer less,
that'll help you to forgive very easily.
Without that kind of understanding, forgiveness is difficult.
Even if you want to forgive, you cannot forgive.
Because he or she has made you suffer so many times,
so, so many times,
and even you have warned him or her,
and they still continue to make you suffer,
it's difficult to forgive.
But if you can understand the suffering,
the deep suffering in him or in her
and see that he has been the victim number one of his own suffering,
the situation becomes different.
You can forgive more easily.
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