In this video, we're going to talk about how to show your ex you don't care. But first
my name is Clay with ModernLove.Life where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not because
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it is. Okay, so let's go ahead and get into this.
How do you show your ex that you don't care about them? Okay, first of all, if you're
watching this video and you are emotionally invested in showing them that you don't care,
you might actually care a lot. I'm just going to put that out there, but let's kind of talk
about maybe the more optimistic side of this and that's the okay, you went through a breakup,
your ex broke up with you. Maybe you went through that usual stage of the begging, the
pleading, the promising that things are going to be different and clearly that didn't work.
And now your ex thinks that you're way over invested in getting back together with them
and they're just sort of a hard no to you. Okay? And so you think, okay, if I can show
them that I don't care, then that's going to cause them to chill out a little bit, so
that they can actually open up and talk to me and connect with me and stuff like that.
That totally makes a lot of sense. But let's talk about this for a little bit here, okay.
So if that's the case, you don't necessarily need to show your ex that you don't care per
se, because obviously we do care about them and obviously we're not just going to interact
with people that we don't care about, right. If you missed the introduction for this video,
we don't do mind games, but it is very valuable to be more invested in your own life and your
own experience than you are in someone else's opinion of you, okay. That's what we try to
encourage you to do, become more invested in your own opinion of yourself than you are
in someone else's opinion of you. And when you're going through a breakup and your ex
doesn't want to get back together with you, it can be really common for people to look
to their ex and get really hung up on their ex's opinion and what their ex is thinking
and all that stuff. So we definitely don't want to come across as over-invested.
So what we want to do is we want to invest more in ourselves and more on our opinions
of ourselves. So what you want to do is you want to make sure that you're doing something
interesting with your life, something that's interesting for you. It could be totally different
than what's interesting for me. For me, doing interesting things might be going out, seeing
the world, going on little adventures, whether that's to a little island here in Washington
state where I live, or maybe going to another country or going to another city or something
like that, right? These are things that are interesting to me,
but maybe they don't mean that much to you. And so what you want to do is you want to
start thinking about your own personal values. What is important to you, whether that's adventure,
whether that is your career, whether that is getting in shape, if you need to do that.
Hey, I'm a new dad, so totally been there. Definitely let things go a little bit, but
once we're over the hump, I hear it gets easier after two and a half years. Once we're over
the hump, I definitely plan on getting back in shape. Thankfully I have a fairly slim
physique. But yeah, just go ahead and think about whatever is important for you and go
ahead and start bringing your life into alignment with that, whether that's career, whether
that's hobbies, whether that's passions, whether that's your mission in life.
If you've done any personal growth work, you may know about your mission, your quest that
you're on, all of that stuff. If you can go ahead and do things like that that are going
to bring you more into alignment with the person that you always wanted to be deep down
inside, that is going to show your ex that you are really investing in yourself and that
you're living a life that's worth living and you're not just kind of looking to them to
feel good, looking for them as the source of your validation or the source of your place
in life, or the source of your self esteem. Self esteem, it comes from yourself, right?
It doesn't come from them. It's not your ex esteem or anything. It's your self esteem.
And so you want to definitely start investing more in yourself, investing more in your own
life. And what this is going to do is it's going
to, number one, send a clear message to your ex, that you are doing interesting things
with your life, doing interesting things that are valuable to you and appealing to you.
And because you and your ex got together, chances are you probably share certain values
in terms of things that you're into in life. And so seeing you pursue your values is probably
going to be a little bit inspiring for them and they're going to say, "Hey, wow, I remember
you were always talking about starting that business. I remember you were always talking
about doing something interesting. I remember you were always talking about this or that
or whatever it might be." And they're going to start to see that and they're going to
start to notice that, and that's going to start to make them see, hey, you're going
for something here. You're not just kind of hung up on the past, hung up on the relationship,
hung up on getting back together, hung up on the breakup or anything like that. And
that's really powerful. But number two, as you start to do all of
this, it's going to cause you to really value yourself a little bit differently than if
you're kind of disconnected from your own passions in life, your own goals, your own
drives, your own values. It's going to cause you to value yourself differently. And suddenly
you're not going to have time for these mind games like, "Oh, well it took you six hours
to text me back. What's that all about? I saw that you were on this social media platform,
but you didn't check the message that I sent you or you didn't respond to the texts that
I sent you at the same time and clearly you were on your phone, right?" These are just
kind of signs that you're way over-invested, which is probably a sign that another part
of your life is out of balance. So you're going to have a lot less capacity to do certain
things like that. Quite frankly, you're just going to give less,
what's what's the polite way of saying it, less bucks about things, let's put it that
way. Less bucks about minor things in life. And I'm trying to be family friendly show
here. You never know if people have got kids in the background or something and I got to
practice this stuff. My daughter is two years old. She's going to start, she already has
started parroting back the things that her mother and I say so I have to be careful about
this stuff, but yeah, you want to focus on what's important to you.
And as you do that, that's going to cause you to disinvest some of the energy that you're
putting into, maybe minor unimportant things like what someone's posting on social media,
when they're posting it, how active they are, how long it takes them to text you back, things
like that. And you're going to start to care more about the big things, more about the
important things in life, like where you're going, what you're doing, are you in alignment
with your goals, all of that sort of stuff. So that's really what you can do to, not necessarily
show your ex that you don't care about them, but that there are important, meaningful,
significant things happening in your life that are valuable to you. And it's going to
cause you to start focusing on those more and stop caring so much about all of the minutiae
that quite frankly doesn't really matter. In the big scheme of things, it doesn't really
matter who's initiating contact with who. I don't recommend that people keep score of
that. It doesn't matter necessarily how long it takes someone to text you back. It can
be a symptom of something, but it's not necessarily something that you need to track, keep a spreadsheet
of or anything like that. So don't worry about that.
So yeah, that's what I'd recommend that you do. Find what's passionate, find what you
are passionate about in your life. Focus on that. Do what you can do to live in alignment
with your values, level up your own life and all of that. And I'm not talking about superficial
things like getting in shape. Sure, if getting in shape is really important to you, go for
it, but if you're just like, "I got the quarantine 15 or whatever they're calling it. I should
probably lose it." But you're really not passionate about it, then hey that's maybe something
that you might want to do to stay healthy, but it's not necessarily something that's
going to bring you to life and give you some sort of meaningful direction in life. Okay?
So hope that helps you out. Once again, if you do like what we're doing here, give this
video a thumbs up or a thumbs down, whatever. It all helps out, but I do like the thumbs
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if you like what we're doing here, you might want to check out this video over here on
how to connect emotionally with your ex, do what we call advanced relational skills or
you might want to check out this video right here, but thank you so much for watching,
hope you're doing well out there and please take care and I'll talk to you in the next
video.