I taught a man how to say no to women and it changed his whole life he thought he was doing
it right being the nice guy giving women everything that they wanted and he always
wondered why he ended up in the friend zone or Worse on the losing end of painful breakup after
breakup and the thing that was holding him back the whole time was something that a lot of men do
saying yes when you should be saying no it might sound counter-intuitive but it works and while you
think that you might be being the nice guy what you're doing is actually ruining your relationship
or destroying your chances of getting in one as for my client well his story just demonstrates
why learning how to say no to women is vital and why so many men struggle to do it when I first
met this guy he had a long habit of bending over backwards for the women he was attracted
to he cared about being a good partner but his idea of a good partner was more like a yes man
or a doormat than equal but there was a dark side to his niceness he would constantly do everything
to anticipate her need and desire at the expense of his own well-being like for example he would
offer to pick her up from the airport even though it was going to make him late for work he'd say
yes to extravagant dinner dates even when he was struggling financially he actually used to carry
a backpack just for his girlfriend on nights that they would go out so that she could put
a pair of flats in the backpack and change out of her stilettos when her feet hurt and you know
what he was miserable and little did he know his misery at doing stuff for her was actually
driving her away when we started working together it became really clear really quick that this guy
had no boundaries by the way quick definition of boundaries the distance from which I can
love you and me at the same time AKA what I will and will not allow for myself in my relationships
hang on that'll get more clear in just a second if you've been watching my content for a while hi
then you already know that boundaries are hot and necessary for a healthy relationship you see in
the process of bending over backwards to please her he completely lost touch with himself women
don't want to date their personal assistant they want to date a fully formed person with their own
thing going on you see boundaries make it clear where I End and You Begin just like the boundaries
on a map like there's no question where Michigan ends and Ohio begins unless I guess maybe you're
somewhere in the woods between them but the map is really clear that space is the distance that is
required to Fan the Flames of desire and make two people want each other when it came to my client
eventually there was so little left of him that she started to lose interest I mean regardless
of how well he was treating her there's a third Sinister side effect to constantly bending over
for your partner you see from the beginning of this relationship he said the standard for doing
a million little things for his partner that he actually didn't want to do so when years later
that shiny new relationship energy started to wear off he found himself continuing to do those things
even though it wasn't authentic for him it was no longer coming from a place of Love or affection I
mean actually you could say that it was no longer coming from a need to please her to cement the
relationship and make sure that she wouldn't leave him you see saying yes to her began to feel like a
chore an obligation if you put someone else first for long enough and neglect your own needs it is
inevitable that you will start to feel resentment towards them and then they're gonna wonder what
the [ __ ] happened because she didn't do anything differently you know you were acting this way
you're still acting that way but now you're mad about it by the time we started working together
things had gone from bad to worse she was bored she was losing attraction to him and he was down
on himself feeling lost and angry he couldn't even tell exactly why now look through our work we were
able to re-light a fire are in their relationship as well as build up his self-esteem and his
General levels of satisfaction in a lot of areas of his life and needless to say the bedroom is
smoking hot once again but how did we get him there the first thing we had to figure out is
how often he was saying yes to himself so many of us are people Pleasers and we actually have no
idea that we're doing it but we have a hard time saying no we'll do favors for people go places
we don't want to go two things that we don't want to do all because it feels impossible to spit out
that simple two-letter word and that's because we think if we say no we're going to lose their love
and the risk of losing love is just too much to bear so instead we bear the loss of ourselves but
the thing we don't realize is that when we say yes to someone else we are actually saying no to
ourselves every time we do something that doesn't align with who we are and our greater truth and
what we need we are betraying ourselves at the deepest level so the first step is to always
check in and say yes to yourself first to what you want to do I mean what are your non-negotiables
things you won't be late for you won't miss you're not going to sacrifice for anybody like you want
to say yes to spending time with your friends watching the game on Saturday well guess what
that's gonna mean saying no to getting brunch with your girlfriend you want to say yes to building
your own business you're gonna have to say no to binging on TV at night with her you want to
say yes to eating healthier so that you can get a harder dick like you learned about in my heart
as you want course well that means saying no to grabbing fast food together after work a good way
to do this is to really take a moment and check in with how something feels in your body in your gut
does it excite you will it feel good to do this or does it feel sort of heavy like something that you
want to get away from a feeling of like reluctant when my client finally gave himself permission to
check in he realized that he hated carrying that backpack around it made him feel like a pack mule
and he always had to be managing it you know making sure nobody was stealing it when they
were at the sex club together the only reason he carried this bag around was so that his girlfriend
could change shoes and I was starting to make him feel like a damn fool as soon as he allowed that
space to really be honest with himself he had his answer and that's because because the body always
knows once he realized that he had spent years betraying himself in these small ways that's when
things got a little bumpy and this is something you should always expect when making meaningful
and worthwhile changes in your life so what did he do he said no to his girlfriend no more backpack
no more doing things that were an inconvenience to him or too much of a compromise no more at
first his girlfriend didn't love it which taught him a valuable lesson in what he needed to do in
order to make the healthy relationship work for them both he had to accept her reaction when he
first started saying no to his girlfriend it did cause some friction in their relationship I mean
let's think about it if you are used to someone constantly bending over backwards for your every
desire contorting to make sure that every single one of your needs is met and then they suddenly
stop you also might be left scratching your head wondering what the heck happened yeah
you know what ultimately she was fine she had lived her whole life without his backpack and
she could learn to live that way again she learned how to take herself out to brunch she
can get all the fast food she wants on her own she can go see the movie The Art Show the new
bar or whatever by herself or with her friends and if for some reason she couldn't that would
point to a bigger issue called codependency and that's a subject for a different video but my
client what about him well he learned a super valuable lesson it is okay listen up listen up
it is okay it is even necessary to risk disappointing people sometimes even the people
you love even the people who you are closest to even the people who depend on you you may have
to just you're going to have to disappoint them from time to time and if they're good for you and
if they really love you they will understand and accept your decision if someone only loves you
because what you are able to do for them is that even really love you see it is so hard for men to
feel like they're disappointing women they feel like they will die so instead they slowly kill
themselves doing stuff they don't want to do just to avoid having to deal with her feelings I've
seen it time time and time again so many men would rather just do the thing that they hate rather
than deal with the emotional Fallout of not giving a woman what she wants and this is the make or
break point in this process this is what you have to learn you've got to be be with her reaction he
had to resist the urge to try to fix things he had to refuse to walk on eggshells or be her doormat
or her therapist or just her shoulder to complain on see the thing about boundaries is that they
are not apologies so when you set them you also have to resist the urge to say sorry for having
needs you have to give your partner the time and the space to process the Line in the Sand that
you just drew and you know what she shirt fussed yeah she fussed she fussed and then she got over
it she realized that it wasn't that big of a deal and more importantly she realized she didn't want
to make him do anything that he didn't want to do and that is when she saw how hot he was being his
own person how sexy he was when he got back from playing soccer with the boys and how much sexier
that was than him spending Saturday holding her purse in the dressing room and this is where the
real change begins because as he stopped making space for the stuff that he didn't really want
to do he was able to use that space for the things that actually brought him joy and as he
carved out a little more focus on himself his relationship with his girlfriend got stronger
he noticed that she stopped making meaningless demands and genuinely asked for things only when
she needed them without the expectation that he was just gonna drop everything and give it
to her which allowed her to find a new level of respect for him and stop taking him for granted
and you know what their sex life skyrocketed because no one wants to a pushover I said when
I said women like men with spines and even though most of us will gladly accept a favor when it's
offered and sure being catered to 24 7 is nice what we are really looking for is an equal a
partner who we respect and by learning to say no that is exactly who my client became learning to
set boundaries in a relationship is like casting a broken arm you're not gonna like it at first
it's bulky it's itchy and it ruins every outfit but underneath it there's healing going on and
like so many things that are good for us in life it feels tough and uncomfortable at first but the
benefits pay off in the long run by learning to say no my client learned how to say yes to himself
and he took that Newfound confidence with him to work to his family and Beyond so here it is your
official permission slip to start saying no to women and yes to yourself anyone who loves you
will thank you in the long run by the way a lack of boundaries is one of the most hidden causes
of erectile dysfunction in men and one of the biggest reasons that causes them to go soft if you
want more on that and other hidden secret causes of Ed check out my heart as you want of course
link is in the description I'm Caitlin V thank you for watching make sure you are subscribed
check out the link for hard as you want in the description I'll see you here next week [Music]
thank you
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